Poetry Critiques : Food for Thought

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Versatile, Mar 21, 2005.

  1. Versatile

    Versatile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A sugar that’s so sweet
    Awakening my Saliva
    Because I Hunger for you
    No, NO wrong choice of words
    I’m famished
    I need you so badly
    You only know an iota of what I crave
    Wanting you has never been enough
    I wanna devour you slowly
    One aspect of you at a time
    I’ve tasted you one
    Or maybe twice
    Alright, three times
    And that’s all I am willing to admit
    B-cuz I can’t be lackadaisical in your flavor
    You come in many assortments
    Tickling my taste buds
    You make me so greedy
    I’ve been feeding off of your mind
    For so long That you’ve
    Imprinted on me
    I’ve been drinking your wisdom
    Like it’s my daily devotion, I wouldn’t spill a drop
    I’ve chewed up your every desire
    So thoroughly
    So that it can be digested in my system
    I wouldn’t want to regurgitate
    All the things that make you happy
    You’ve spoon fed me the knowledge of “you”
    Each spoonful reminding me of your long lasting beauty
    You’ve taught me how to prepare you
    And with that recipe
    You’ll never find me playin’ with my food.
     
  2. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    whoa...let me first say that i am impressed with your concept for this piece...the title matched the poem perfectly in this prose...bravo...now...let's get into it

    this freeverse peice that you layed on us flowed very well and the word usage gave the reader a sense of a feast of some sort with the visuals and the many refrences to food. sometimes poems that do not rhyme have more freedom in terms of the direction in which they can travel because they are not restricted by a certain patterns or certain vowel sounds. i got that sense from this poem, the sense that you took it where it needed to go...great poem....please keep writting...

    one love
    khasm
     
  3. Versatile

    Versatile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you very much, i'll definitely keep posting...And replying with encouraging words also...
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    very well written love the concept great poem poet !
     
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