Poetry Critiques : Flirting with Death

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Versatile, Mar 23, 2005.

  1. Versatile

    Versatile Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    4
    Ratings:
    +4
    My friend challengd me to write this....Its not my style so bear with me....


    Darkness Falls over me
    Engulfing my body
    Turning it inside out
    My organs spill on the floor
    Too graphic to describe
    I'm commiting suicide inside of my own mind
    Only imagining just what it would be like to be in deaths reach
    It's as painless as the time i pierced my own tongue
    Except i hit a vein
    Dark red fluid flows through my mouth
    Filling my tub
    I baptise myself in my own blood
    Pretending it's the blood of Christ
    My lungs are filled
    Theres no need for air
    Oxygen only turns my blue blood red
    But i prefer the darker shade
    I'm falling...falling...I can feel the breeze on my scalp
    I've torn out my hair follicles
    I'm so free, I care less if i land on a sharp rock
    I just love the feeling of my heart racing
    So it can stop beating
    As death catches me in its arms....
    _________________
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    this a style seem to fit you well
    the concept & structure is great
    and it flowed in motion try working
    your poetry more this way .
     
  3. AHMOSE

    AHMOSE Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    877
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Mechanical Engineer
    Location:
    Educating the Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +9
    As I read this piece I can feel the ruggedness of the character in the story. Very very engaging piece it makes the reader take hold of the images that you are creating. :bullseye:
     
  4. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2003
    Messages:
    6,642
    Likes Received:
    541
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Poet
    Location:
    The Lone-Star State
    Ratings:
    +606
    As you've shown time and again, style is no impediment when you're Vesatile!
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - Flirting Death
  1. Versatile
    Replies:
    7
    Views:
    521
  2. Feather
    Replies:
    60
    Views:
    6,702
  3. howardtsu
    Replies:
    2
    Views:
    762
  4. Qatavia
    Replies:
    2
    Views:
    1,340
  5. CarrieMonet

    Black Relationships : Flirting

    Replies:
    16
    Views:
    1,871