Black Short Stories : FIRST TIME.........(story of a mans sexual abuse)

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by thesolsurvivor, Dec 26, 2009.

  1. thesolsurvivor

    thesolsurvivor Member MEMBER

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    this link goes w/ the post..... : youtube.com/watch?v=KcX33OFhZIE&feature=player_embedded..................

    One night I was up late working on my pc & listening to some music & this song came on . I listened to it over & over for quite a while & thought what a powerful song and how the strong the memory of a first time experience could be for some one. Speaking with a younger associate of mine, the subject of what his first sexual experience was like. You could tell by the expression on his face and his posture that the thought of it made him both angry & sad. An older teenage girl living with the baby sitter that he was with molested him and in effect became the person that stole his virginity, robbing him of a true first time as well as molesting/raping him.

    The thought of virginity, loosing it, the person involved, the situation, time of year, or song playing never really dawned on me until I listened to another man share his pain with me; only to realize that I too know the exact pain & sadness that he was feeling . Prior to that I never considered my own virginity. Anytime I did considered it, a woman was involved & that usually meant that there would be a whole lot of extra feelings, emotions, conversations about those feelings & emotions. I had the pleasure & pain of being in a relationship with a young lady who was a virgin when we first started dating and buy the time our relationship ended she was no longer a virgin. Somewhat of a special connection develops & stays intact when that happens...... no matter how the relationship ends, depending on the feelings & circumstances involved with the sexual encounters, the memory of that is something special that only those two people can share together for life, regardless of who they end up with. The same can be said for having children. The first person you have children with for some reason seems to be the person of the most significance if you have children by various people. there is simply no way to deny it.....

    So, the more I thought about my first time I began to realize that my first time was the worst time. I was something that I wish I could not only forget, but i wish it never happened, and I've tried to live life like it hasn't and wasn't too successful at it. My first time caused me to become a very sexually charged child, teen, & adult for quite a while. For as long as I can remember sex has always been a part of my life. I cant not remember ( if that makes sense) not being sexually active or engaging in some sort of sexual activities with girls my age or older because of my introduction too sex by my male babysitter & molester. How ****** up is it for a man's recollection of his first sexual experience to be one with a man, who for all the most obvious reasons is gay? Who wants to remember that? Who wants to hold on to that? Nobody dose, but they do; I know I do & I wish I couldn't.

    While the song was playing, I was thinking of what the first time meant to me for this particular part of my life, which in turn had a huge impact on my life. This is what I wrote:

    MY FIRST TIME WAS THE WORST TIME
    FIRST TIME STAYS STUCK IN MY MIND
    MAKES ME WISH I WAS BLIND
    **** THE FIRST TIME AKA WORST TIME

    FIRST TIME WORST TIME FELT GOOD LIKE SUNSHINE DO
    WAS IT WAS SUPPOSED TOO, WAS IT NATURAL / NORMAL
    THOUGHTS LINGERS IN MY MIND ALL THE TIME,
    IT'S KINDA GAY, AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THEY'LL SAY ANYWAY

    WHAT'S A YOUNG MAN TO DO WHEN A GROWN MAN CHOOSES ME
    TOO MAKE ME WHAT HE WANTS ME TO BE..............
    THE FIRST TIME HAPPENED ALMOST EVERYDAY
    NOW I REALIZE THAT MOTHER PHUCKER WAS / IS GAY REGARDLESS
    OF WHAT GLAD SAY.......

    THE FIRST TIME STILL ***** WIT MY MIND
    GOT ME ON SOME **** THAT MAKES IT HARD FOR ME TO COMMIT
    IT'S HARD TO SHOW LOVE WHEN YOU CANT EVEN ASK FOR A HUG
    WE CLOSE BUT NOT THAT CLOSE, BEFOR THE SUN COMES UP YOU KNOW I'M GHOST
    INTIMACY JUST AINT A PART OF ME RIGHT NOW
    I'M ****** & TRUCKIN AS SOON AS YOU DO THE DICK SUCKIN
    THAT'S HOW HE GOT ME , TRIED TO BLOCK IT OUT MY MY MIND
    BUT EVEN I CANT STOP ME...............
    MY ORAL FIXATION IS THE CAUSE OF SO MUCH HEART ACHE & FRUSTRATION

    thesolsurvivor.blogspot.com/2009/09/first-time.html
     
  2. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm really surprised this hasn't gotten any comments. Is a man's sexual abuse that hard to deal with, or that unique, or that strange? Statistics say that at least 16% of boys will be sexually abused in his life time. I believe it is far more as men usually won't speak of the experience.

    There is a woman I have fell in love with. Her name is Alexyss K. Tylor and she is the SHIZZIT! I wanted to post her videos but my posts count will not let me. But please look her up on youtube and check out the videos called 'Hybrid Nigg* Bit*hes' and 'Barber Shop Boy Pus*ies and Lollipops'

    I spoke of the subject on another board, and here are my comments (cut and pasted from that board);

    I know sexually abused men - men abused as children by both women, and by men. I know of men who were raped and abused in prison.

    I did not mean to offend or attack you and I'm sorry. However, I do stand by my comments. I felt there was undue focus on the sexuality of a sexually abused boy because he was caught with another male, and sexuality should not be the focus, but the abuse. I know that homosexuality is viewed as a moral and ethical wrong for the acutely religious, but the focus of that and sexuality mars and displaces the focus of the abuse. But my message was apparently lost in my flippant response to your thread.

    When boys and men are abused by men specifically, they often become confused because of what society says are acceptable ways of masculinity and manhood. Society is a problem because those accepted ways of masculinity and manhood are so narrowly defined our young men going errant with ways to fit within it - and this includes being 'hardcore' (not soft), sagging pants (only nerds and corporate conformist wear their pants high - and that equals weakness), not trusting or giving your feelings to 'b*tches' (that makes you vulnerable - to a woman no less), disrespect (soft-spoken respect equals weakness), getting all the pu$$y you can get (because 'real men' love sex and women - and women become sexual objects to used and glorified) and always viewing other men/boys as a threat to take yours or test you physically with aggression.

    And when I say society, that includes US - black women - because we believe that a lot of this is what makes a man. We encourage boys to sexually active and straight, encourage him to be aggressive and not take no sh*t from anybody and to fight, not get taken advantage of women, among other things. The difference might only be a matter of degree, but it is essentially the same thing.

    That kinda explains the difference when a boy is abused by a woman and by a man. Most guys abused by women do not even recognize their problems, their 'damage' because abuse by a woman is trivialized and thought of as 'good' or positive. Sometimes it is even joked about and made fun of - such as the case with the white teachers who sexually abused the young teens boys - and they were made to look like predators instead (especially if they were black). But believe me, they are damaged.

    But when a boy is abused by a man or older male - he feels emasculated and effeminized from the abuse. He feels he has essentially been made a 'punk' or a 'sissy.' Boys may glorify sex with 'older women' but suffer in secret shame about abuse made by a man.

    And the thing with boys in particular (more so than women), they often do become sexual abusers when they have abused - moreso if the abuse is by a man. My guess is because that type of abuse may be more physically painful (if anal sodomy was involved), coupled with feelings of weakness, inadequacy, loss of manhood and masculinity. Their victims are often younger, weaker, and smaller. Victims can be male or female - but not surprisingly always children. Boys are chosen NOT because the abuser may be 'homosexual' (and putting those two together is a shame because they are NOT mutually exclusive), but because he is repeating the type of rape and abuse he experienced - male on male. He wants to 'weaken' another male the same as he has been weakened. You can't 'weaken' females by softening them up, making them 'punks' and taking their masculinity - only males. So boys are chosen for the abuse.

    If you understand that - then you know why I 'attacked' the focus of sexuality and homosexuality in the thread. It means you have lost the focus of the abuse - and you can't help someone if you don't empathize and understand them and their behavior. Often they don't understand their behavior and you have to help them understand.

    Women/girls tend to take their damage inside. Boys/men tend to take their damage outside. And when these two wind up together (and they often do) - what you have is an insecure abusive man beating up on low-esteemed woman who in some way think she deserves it. So now you may have also been given a reason for domestic abuse.
     
  3. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    I'm not.



    YES.


    no.


    .
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    It's hard just like any other abuse case male or female , it happens to young men at a
    rapid rate which is painful do to the entry area which young men are abused and raped at .
    I can feel the pain of this and how one can be lost in the mist of sexuality
    which was stolen / taken / rob and made the first time the worse time , again
    who dare has the rites to an virgin// / No one !
     
  5. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    OK, I almost didn't get it. Yes, sexual abuse of men is hard to deal with.
    No, it's not unique or strange.
    You are not surprised that this hasn't gotten any responses because... well.... sexual abuse of men is apparently hard to deal with.

    The forum has 26 thousand people. This guy, to me, pours his heart out about his abuse, and this is the response? Or lack thereof? If he were a woman, it would have garnered a few more responses than what he has gotten. Many would say how they can relate, or share experiences - even though their views about abuse may differ, they still would have responded.

    But none here. This partially explains why men are reluctant to talk about their sexual abuse (and.... if I go there.... why some are on the DL - which women LOVE to discuss but don't want to understand the cause and meaning of). Both men and women think sexual abuse emasculates a man, especially if he been abused by a guy. They think it makes him weak... and to a woman that is contrary to what they seek and want in a man. Maybe that's why men never tell.

    well, I just want to let this brotha know that i got compassion for his past, that I understand it, and that its not fair that his thread hasn't gotten any type of response after sharing something so personal. I've read some his blog, and I commend his 'voice' and courage for putting this out there and sharing it. To share is to heal and help someone else in their healing.
     
  6. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Que the bold.

    :rolleyes: Patriarchy at work. Pathetic.


    Your focus on the virginity issue and the 'entryway' (i.e., anus and vagina) lessens the severity and focus of sexual abuse.
    Non-virgins can be raped, molested, and sexually abused.

    Your misguided focus also diminishes a woman's physical role in sexual abuse.

    I suggest you watch Antwon Fisher and read my response here about how a female can disrupt the esteem and psyche of a man by sexually abusing him.

    As a matter of fact, I will quote it for you....
    This abuse this guy suffered at 7 years old at the hands of a woman disrupted his value and worth, and he tried to find that through sex.
    Yes, that too can happen to men too!

    Our problems run deep my brother. Very deep indeed. And all we have are lame *** platitudes telling us to raise boys as 'men' by stepping them into a 'man's role', 'protecting' black women by sheltering and sublimating their sexuality, blaming Obama and his administration for their 'failure' to help black folks, and saying that we will never measure up to the Asians and whites in academic, intellectual, and economic power.

    It's enough to make a person give up hope for the black race and say 'fuggit. They ain't worth even thinkin about or trying to do anything about.
    They a lost cause.'
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    O' I truely agree , it's sad and i humblely reach out to this brother who had to go through this kind of abuse.

    yet it's happening daily to both male and female , abuse don't care who it attacks
    and yes i've seen it first hand how this woman took the innocence right out this young man
    and abused him for 66 days before he was able to free himself and end his mightmare
    yet in his memories it live on , i feel for anyone who has gone through this
    I've seen boys sexually abused by men and women alike as well girls it's just painfully sad.
    at any age sexual active or not you can be abused this i know well sis
    by no mean do i dismiss the place of a woman's worth and how she can be attacked / abused and so forth
    take a step back and clearly see i am only speaking of and to the brother pain singlely
    and not collectively on abuse.
     
  8. nikknikk19

    nikknikk19 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Stop fueling the gender war

    I applaud the brotha who posted this thread. Abuse happens to both males and females and the focus should not be on who receives the most empathy. Both need help and closure. I've been involved with a brother who went through the same thing when he was 5 years old. Us both being young and survivors of child sexual abuse made our union a complete disaster. I've seen how needy I could be and the dysfunction that abuse can bring into all aspects of someone's life. You see someone you love hurting and have no way of helping them. To a certain degree it warps your mind and tramples your spirit. I feel for the brotha who shared his story with us, I really do. I think if people weren't so supportive of homosexuality and other chronic disorders then children would be safer. If something is out of your hands it should be out of your house. There has to be a better way of keeping kids out of harms way. I grew up hating my cousin and looking down on my strict father for not protecting me. I couldn't respect his wishes of following curfew b/c I felt who was he to try to protect me now. I rebelled and could've gotten myself killed acting out. No one would look at me all they would say is I don't know how to deal with you. Just stop it. And you think to yourself "stop what"? "And how"? My cousin never went to prison for what he did to me b/c when I told my parents when I was 11 years old they said they didn't want him to throw his life away over "this". I thought "this"? wtf is this? My cousin was 12 years my senior and b/c my father adopted him b/c his sister was an addict he pitied him instead of standing up for me. My cousin is now dying from HIV. This may not be the right answer, but I'm glad he's dying. I'm glad he's suffering. I hope it's a long, lonely, painful death at that. I can't say I believe in god, but I can say I believe in Karma. And they were right when they said every dog got it's day. Be well king. He can't hurt you anymore. Don't re-victimize yourself. All you have is your mind. Don't lose that for anyone.
     
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