Quiet Poetry Lounge : Fine

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by skuderjaymes, Dec 10, 2009.

  1. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    She says,
    if she would’ve known then
    what she knows now,
    she never would have said “I do."

    She turns to me.

    I say,
    I would’ve spent more time
    with my Grandfather before he died
    --him and Uncle Essie.

    She says,
    as tears well-up in her eyes,
    that she’s leaving me.

    And all I can think to say,
    is "Fine."
     
  2. 4EVERLUV

    4EVERLUV Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Peace skuderjaymes:
    This short one always seem to speak volumes.
    I read it several times and I could see myself
    having this conversation, except I would have
    been the one saying "Fine". I could not help
    but wonder did you really mean it when
    you said it (that's if the piece is about you) or
    was it said from the shock of her saying she's leaving.
    Sometimes we say things and wish we can take them
    back as soon as the words leave our lips.

    I really enjoy your writing style, its very thought
    provoking. Please keep sharing your art.


    Much Luv & Peace,


    ~4EVER
     
  3. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    thank you.. I really enjoy the short pieces too.. I'm always sort-of
    surprised when I find the end of a piece so soon after the beginning.
    on the "fine".. it's all open to interpretation.. I think he might mean, "I
    don't give a sh** what you do".. or, it could be "yeah right"... I never
    decided what he should mean.. I wanted that to be left to the reader..
    I really built this whole thing around this idea of her looking back in time
    and saying what she would've did.. and then him looking back and saying
    what he would've did.. and how hers is about him, but his is about his
    Grandfather and his Uncle. It's like, she sees him as her whole life,
    but he sees her as just part of his life. but that could all be smoke.. like
    you said, he could have just said that to step around the pain of her
    words.. and she could've just said what she said to get his attention..
    I don't know.. but thanks for asking.
     
  4. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    powerful

    it's amazing how situations can stop us in our tracks...leave us speechless in their wake...and have us thinking 'bout what could have been said/done differently.

    the river floweth.
     
  5. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I seem to love the short verses as well, they be so 'power-packed' and I love it.
    Thanks for sharing a part of you with us brother, keep it flowing!!
     
  6. asimplepoet

    asimplepoet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    short but poignant, very well crafted glimpse of a mysterious conversation. :welldone:
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I agree with Baller above .............ya pen packing a big punch flow right on
     
  8. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    speak volumes...Short but it did what it needed to do. Thank you for sharing
     
  9. TotalView

    TotalView Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    James,

    A passionate and thought provoking poem.
    I have yet to decide what I want this piece to mean.
    She's in the moment and he's somewhere else but why?
    I've imagined several scenarios that I won't bore you with
    just want you to know I love this piece.
     
  10. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    you could never bore me Kiwanda.
     
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