Poetry Critiques : Fill Me

flo-real

Active Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Apr 2, 2004
42
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I live in sacramento, CA
Occupation
Social Worker
Hey Baby
You know I was thinking about how much I miss you
And how good it felt last time we touched and…
how I would love to feel that feeling again and more…See I really don’t know how to say this but …I want you to feed me…and be deep inside me-
I mean to the point that I feel full… Full like – after eating a foot long Subway sandwich and some chips and a drink
I mean full like I just had some Gumbo and some Greens
Full like McDonalds Fries and a Wendy’s Frostie (Biggie Size)
and some Dirty Rice from Popeye’s and a biscuit from Church’s chicken
Full like a Twice Grilled Burrito, Macaroni and Cheese, and 2 Churros from El Pollo Loco
Full like Chicken and Waffles form Roscoe’s
Full like a Catfish dinner form Flowers Seafood and some cabbage
I mean full to the point that I get “ittis”…you know what “ittis” is right…when you just get sleepy and want a good nap afterwards”
…yeah like that
Then after I wake up… I want you to hit it hard daddy…a lil harder…
just a little bit harder…a little more… oow!. that’s good…now …

BEAT IT UP…
Beat it up like the bass line on a Dr.Dre beat
Maybe even like an inmate beatin his meat
Or like scrambled eggs before they hit the skillet
Or Like batter for some cornbread muffins or pancakes
I want you to beat it up like Ike did Anna Mae, when she said that all the songs sound the same…Scratch that, as a matter of truth
I want you to beat it up like Ike did Anna Mae in the sound booth
Beat it up like Tarver did Roy Jones in their last fight
I mean like the symbols in a Neptune’s beat
Or like…R. Kelly did them kids
Beat it up like… the Ying Yang twins whispering through the whole song
Or like DMX did that girl Keisha in “Belly”…
Maybe even like Mr. Marcus did Precious in Jelly
I’ll even settle for you to beat it up like Jodi did Evette…. And I’ll cook tacos

But, baby if all that’s not possible …can u at least come over tonight?
 

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