Black Relationships : fellas will you commit to a woman with a bad reputation

[africane]

Very good points.

How would you know, though, that the man or woman is ready to settle down and take things seriously? What if they make another sexual mistake during the course of your relationship with them? While I agree on some level people should be given second chances, when someone's sexual exploits are well-known it could be difficult to trust the person.

well if some people are so negative are to always predict the worse and into meddling in the relationship of others rather than worry about what her boyfriend is doing with other women, she shouldn't have to worry about what is none of her business.

 

[panafrica]

well i think as you said that if you were a woman you wouldn't marry a player, but you didn't talk about a FORMER player. And it is not because one unknown person agree with you that it means that what you say is right. Opinion are not fact, they are just that: opinions.
And about your last sentence, it is once again a question of opinion , and it a woman has changed there is no reason why she should be blamed for her past. Some women will go to great length to date a gigolo, a man with children just because she can buy the children with gifts and the guy is broke. And they think they can give advice to anybody. there is saying: when you point your finger at someone, do not forget that there is 3 fingers that you point to you.

Your right Africane everything I said is my opinion, however, you asked for fellas opinions (which I am). Therefore I have the right to give it. You may not want to believe what I said; however, I'm telling you most men will not "knowingly" date a woman that has been around the block. It is possible for such a person to change, it is possible for any person to change. However, most people would suspect that the tendacies are still there. Knowing her former past, it would be human nature to suspect this person of cheating during an unexplained absence. In addition I usually advise people to ignore outside influences within a relationship. But if a woman has slept with half the men in town, then that task is difficult to do. As I said, I'm not talking theory here. I've actually seen men try to seriously date the town whore & every time they ended up regretting it. They ending up regretting it because despite their efforts to love these women...despite an initial period of faithfulness...in the end, the women still slept with every other man they met! It is a matter of trust...it is a matter of pride...most men would be against it. I think they have reason to be. All that being said, I hope you find a guy that doesn't mind forming a relationship with a woman that has "been around the block before".

 

[panafrica]

why does it have to be a self-esteem issue with a woman and not with a man? Or is it also the fact can have a high self-esteem if she decided to be just like a man? Trying to categorize someone is just a reflection of your own insecurities. And I do not forget that women are also jealous of other women and see other women as a threat and she will try to belittle other women by a fake psychanalitycal and hypocrital analysis.

If it was truly possible for a woman to be "like a man", if her indiscriminate sexual escapades were a reflection of high self-esteem...then the question:

fellas will you be serious or get commited to a woman with a bad reputation? a woman who has been around the block in the past?

wouldn't have to be asked. Sister the ladies weren't trying to put you down, they were trying to be helpful. Don't be so sensitive, that you refuse advice (because it isn't what you want to hear). Indeed if you don't want to hear the answer, then don't ask the question!

 

[PurpleMoons]

I am so with you on this Sister Africane! However, Brother Pan has made some good points. Many men are against it. Women have been viewed this way for a very long time. I say its time this stinky thinking be put to bed. Its time that Black people stop dividing the responsibilities of what a women worth is as compared to a man. Just because the majority is caught up in a time warp, it doesn't make the double standard legit. We must learn to recognized what is our own thoughts as opposed to the thoughts that are implemented in our psyche.

If the Black communities are to get stronger, we must start to understand the nature of people rather than determining it according to their sex. We are living in a time where women are no longer submissively standing in the shadows of men. Women are recognising their own capabilities whether or not it is going against the grain of society, they are expressing their individualities.

Women are lawyers, doctors, CEOS, reverends, engineers, and unfortunately, criminal minded too. If we are going to condemn one, then we must comdemn the other too. Our community is unblanced, which also adds to the breakingdown of our community. I believe that it is the root to why, we as a people are failing our children. Its the constant battle of who should be doing what, why, when, and in the mean time or children are being pushed aside, Confussed and making their own judgmental evaluations based on the conditions of the community families.

As I said before, a women's sexuality, emotional and psychological needs isn't that much different from a man's. And if our men/women don't recognize these common traits in our individual selves soon, we will continue to be the problem and not the solution. If a mans past is not held against him, then a womens past should not be held against her.

I know it is difficult to break old conditions, but who ever said that everything worth changing would be easy. If men want women who are virtuous, then we must demand men to honor the same. Balance isn't obtained on its own, both parties have to be willing to give and take a little.

 

[AHMOSE]

Issues from the past have a way of affecting the future. I learned this the hard way having to deal with baby daddys and a stable of ex boy friends that make it their business to let the town know that they have been with your girlfriend/wife is alot to deal with. You just have to understand how deep the fog is before you step into it and get consumed lol.