Black Relationships : fellas will you commit to a woman with a bad reputation

karmashines

Banned
MEMBER
Feb 26, 2005
2,578
19
Monetary said:
A woman who has had many sexual relations with men in the community can get a chance if she truly has dealt with the issue that has caused her to be this way. Love has a way of changing people. If she and I were in love with each other AND we took care of each other physically, mentally, and spiritually, I do believe it can work out. If she focuses on our relationship and puts that first, I truly believe that it can work out.

I think people (women and men) who are that sexually active are sex addicts but brush it off as having a high sex drive or they just like having a variety in their lovers. Obviously, these are people who are not ready to settle down. You can tell this in anyone...just watch their behavior when you're out in public. It's very obvious.

On another note, there are a lot of women who do not tell how many men they have slept with. Men hold water too. So, I guess it comes down to whether you know what she did or not. Some women may not have slept with a lot of men in the community but they have slept with many men. A brotha on her vacation, a brotha in school, a brotha at church , or a brotha she met on a greyhound bus when she went to visit her aunt and she had a 2 hour layover in his city. None of these men may live in her neighborhood but she may have slept with them...and just not have told you about it. So, that woman you think is not sleeping around may have slept around and you just don't know it.

Hence, you never know. So, if the both of you are deeply in love, focus on your relationship, and are very committed to being together, I believe it can work no matter what was done in the past...known or unknown.

peace
Very good points.

How would you know, though, that the man or woman is ready to settle down and take things seriously? What if they make another sexual mistake during the course of your relationship with them? While I agree on some level people should be given second chances, when someone's sexual exploits are well-known it could be difficult to trust the person.
 

panafrica

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Aug 24, 2002
10,227
192
The Diaspora
Monetary said:
On another note, there are a lot of women who do not tell how many men they have slept with. Men hold water too. So, I guess it comes down to whether you know what she did or not. Some women may not have slept with a lot of men in the community but they have slept with many men. A brotha on her vacation, a brotha in school, a brotha at church , or a brotha she met on a greyhound bus when she went to visit her aunt and she had a 2 hour layover in his city. None of these men may live in her neighborhood but she may have slept with them...and just not have told you about it. So, that woman you think is not sleeping around may have slept around and you just don't know it.
Brother Monetary:

You left out the best man at your wedding...the doctor who delivered your 1st born...the mailman while you were at work...
 

africane

Member
MEMBER
Oct 27, 2004
6
0
panafrica said:
Well to be fair, if I was a woman, I wouldn't marry a player either! The behaviors aren't really that different. How many woman get their hearts broken by trying to "reform" the ladies man. I think we all know that the answer is...too many to count. However there is some double standard between men who behave in this manner from women that do the same. The only thing I can say is that women aren't men, and shouldn't try to be. Those that do usually end up hurting themselves!

well i think as you said that if you were a woman you wouldn't marry a player, but you didn't talk about a FORMER player. And it is not because one unknown person agree with you that it means that what you say is right. Opinion are not fact, they are just that: opinions.
And about your last sentence, it is once again a question of opinion , and it a woman has changed there is no reason why she should be blamed for her past. Some women will go to great length to date a gigolo, a man with children just because she can buy the children with gifts and the guy is broke. And they think they can give advice to anybody. there is saying: when you point your finger at someone, do not forget that there is 3 fingers that you point to you.
 

africane

Member
MEMBER
Oct 27, 2004
6
0
karmashines said:
I think there are deeper issues going on when women are being extremely loose. For example, it is common knowledge that girls who are sexually abused often act out in a way that society considers slutty when they get older. Very low self-esteem can also be a culprit for this type of behavior in women who haven't been abused. They keep doing what they do because the only way they can get attention from a man is if they spread their legs.

Men have indiscriminate sex because of their sex drive and the notion that boys will be boys. Psychological problems and self-esteem does not seem to factor in to their sexual decisions, unless their behavior is deviant, such as the rapist or the pedophile (spelling).

why does it have to be a self-esteem issue with a woman and not with a man? Or is it also the fact can have a high self-esteem if she decided to be just like a man? Trying to categorize someone is just a reflection of your own insecurities. And I do not forget that women are also jealous of other women and see other women as a threat and she will try to belittle other women by a fake psychanalitycal and hypocrital analysis.
 

africane

Member
MEMBER
Oct 27, 2004
6
0
Nfant_De_Milieu said:
NO, I would not even waste my time with a female with these bad traits. I know too many sistas who have been doing the right thing since day one! I always heard you can not change a person. Some people mess with Mr.Bad or Ms.Bad and when things go wrong he or she acts like they had no clue.
nobody talked about changing a person , but what if the person decided to change? not because of you but for herself?
 
Destee Chat

Latest profile posts

Destee wrote on Joyce's profile.
Thanks for the Blessing! Love You! :kiss:
Making sure I do more than I did yesterday. Progress is the Concept.
Ms Drea wrote on yahsistah's profile.
Welcome Back Sister!!
Love and Blessings!!
Hey Sister Destee just logged in to say Love you and miss you much! Hope you are well.
Destee wrote on candeesweet's profile.
Hi Sweetie Pie Honey Bunch!!!! :love: ... it's good to see you! I hope you and yours are all well and staying safe. I Love You! :kiss:
Top