Black Relationships : "Fathherless" women lack relationship skills

sadie's brown

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Nov 30, 2003
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Ladies do you believe that black women/black females are disadvantaged with regards to possessing the "essential" skills to build effective relationship with men? I've notice that among my firends you can pretty much tell those who have had a good relationship with their fathers or at least a relationship with their fathers. Quite frankly in generall they have a easier time (manipulating for lack of a better word :x: ) men than those who have not. Even one of my ex commented that he could usually tell within twnety minutes if a "sistah" had a relationship with her father or not...and he felt that generally such women approached relationship differently.

Do any of you all have thoughts or comments?
 
Yes, I truly believe a lot of Black women have a difficult time with relationships. From what I know, women who have a good relationship with their fathers are less likely to select the "wrong man" or tolerate an abusive relationship. They know men are human and do not generalize as much as a woman who has a bad relationship or no relationship at all with their father. And if they are in a bad relationship, they are more apt to leave it and move on with their lives without harsh feelings against all men.

More often than not, women who have abusive fathers tend to select the same type of personality in the men they choose for relationships.
 
sadie's brown:

Ladies do you believe that black women/black females are disadvantaged with regards to possessing the "essential" skills to build effective relationship with men?

No, I do not believe that blackwomen/black females are disadvantaged with regards to possessing the "essential" skills to build effective relationships with men.

It seems reasonable to assume that anyone, including Black women, might experience difficulties in relationships with the opposite gender if there are no positive role models from which to emulate or learn their bahavior. However, I don't necessarily agree that Black women, in general, who don't have relationships with their father are necessarily crippled or disadvantaged because of this biological-relational lack. It might be true in some cases, but not all, and it's certainly not a condition that is racially based..


Regina:

Yes, I truly believe a lot of Black women have a difficult time with relationships. From what I know, women who have a good relationship with their fathers are less likely to select the "wrong man" or tolerate an abusive relationship. They know men are human and do not generalize as much as a woman who has a bad relationship or no relationship at all with their father.

I truly believe that there are women period, not just Black women, that have a difficult time with relationships. I don't think it would be difficult to understand why some women who have 'good' relationships with their fathers might be less likely to get involved in 'bad' relationships. But as we all know, there are exceptions to every rule. And true, she might be less tolerant of abusive relationships, but again, I don't believe that these issues are strictly racially based because who are we comparing Black women to, given all things are equal?

In terms of relationships, I don't see Black women being worse off than women of any other race as far as her ability or inability to build effective relationships with men. My contention is, minimally, we are just as capable as anyone else.

And Regina, any man or woman, Black or not, father/less in the home, that doesn't know that men are human needs to seek medical attention immediately. Because a Black woman is in a 'bad' relationship, are you suggesting that she doesn't know that men are human? What exactly do you mean by that? I know Black men and women, some fathers in the home and some not, some good relationships and some not so good, who have been hurt in relationships and find it difficult not to generalize their experiences.

Even though we may have personal experiences that cause us to question our abilities as a people, I would caution us not to believe that Black women as a group, are on a dysfunctional landslide emotionally when it comes to relationships with men. We are not unique in that category and I rebuke the notion entirely. In the grand scheme of things, Black women are able to locate, live and laugh with and love our (Black) men very well!


Peace.
 
See, I can look at things from different angles and draw different conclusions whenever I do. There are no absolutes in this discussion as far as I'm concerned.

Regina, the divorce rate tells you what? When you read the data do you automatically assume that everytime a Black couple gets divorced it's because the Black woman had negative relationship issues with a father or the lack of one? The divorce rate does not explain that when I read it and I'm always skeptical of how/why these numbers are collected and reported. Who is doing the counting/reporting? We need to be careful with how we handle information and never assume that just because someone wrote it that it should become our truth and our reality. Besides, why can't these divorced Black women be the same type of women that you described earlier and let me quote you:

From what I know, women who have a good relationship with their fathers are less likely to select the "wrong man" or tolerate an abusive relationship. (Less likely but not always). They know men are human and do not generalize as much as a woman who has a bad relationship or no relationship at all with their father. And if they are in a bad relationship, they are more apt to leave it and move on with their lives without harsh feelings against all men.

Also, how can you lump all SINGLE BLACK WOMEN in the same group by assuming that the reason they are single is because they either grew up in fatherless homes or had bad relationships with their fathers? Aren't there other reasons that could explain why there are single Black women in our society?

People please....UPLIFT...don't keep tearing down! Balance the discussion.

:help:
 

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