Fathers and their little boys

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by Coach707, Mar 30, 2006.

  1. Coach707

    Coach707 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have sort of a serious issue. I have a step-son whom I pretty much provide, discipline and nurtue like my own. My issue is, I feel like I should be doing more. Im going to be honest and put my biz out there, I come from a "tough love" enviornment. My parents made sure (by any means necessary!) that when I left home I had respect for adults as well as character to do what was right no matter what. Of course I was not an angel, but I knew where to draw the line.



    Its is true, we live in a different time yet I think many people use that as an excuse not to handle their business when it comes to their children. My (step) son is 5 and I have been in his life since he was 2. What I wanna ask is, how important is it for fathers to hug their little boys? Of course my tough love approach is providing much needed discipine and respect, but does this child KNOW that I love him? I am the only father figure in his life right now and I dont want to give him all the tools needed to succeed in life, yet not show him how to love his fellow brother.

    What do you guys think?
     
  2. jgyknowledge

    jgyknowledge Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As a father I believe that it's very important to hug, kiss, and tell your son that you love him. That way he can understand that as a man, you can show your feelings without being weak.

    There's nothing gay or weak about doing that! I think the term tough-love gets taken out of context sometimes. Tough-love doesn't equate to no love. If we don't teach our sons how to love, then how are they supposed to be successful husbands and fathers?
     
  3. MississippiRed

    MississippiRed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What's good Cedric man first let me say you got nothing but respect from me for doing what you doing bruh nothing but respect....

    Now.....my Daddy was Old School Mississippi as were the other men who all had a hand in raising me they were good men but hard men ....as a consequence I am a hard man and at times have to remind myself to not treat my kids like they treated me .....I was treated like a man since the time I could walk....now I have 2 sons my baby boy is 7 and my oldest is 11 going on 12 and I am rough with them but at the same time man I tell em I love em everday before I go to work when I drop them at school and I tell them again when I tell them goodnight at bedtime.....I'm always either patting them on the head or hugging em or giving them kisses on the forehead my babyboy likes to hold my hand when we walk around so I hold hands with him......what I'm saying man is make sure them boys know you love em don't take it for granted that they can see it.....tell them verbally and show them physically because that builds that bond between yall for one and it lets them know that no matter what man my Daddy loves me because the world sho as hell don't .......trust me they need it ....I'm the same way with my daughter I don't want my kids to grow up and ask .."why didn't you ever tell me you loved me" or worse man I'd hate if something happened to me or them and I'd never shown them any emotion so I make sure everyday man that I'm with them.....when I see my oldest we shake hands and hug with my babyboy the same ...........

    You doing a good thing Bruh hug that lil boy man tell him how you feel about him Bruh kids respect honesty from those of us that take care of them.....and hugs and kisses a good word here and there holding hands letting them sit on your lap and watch tv or reading is real big to them man it really helps them develop into a well balanced emotionally stable person.....

    MississippiRed
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I came up under tough love but compassionate love from a father
    i always show my love for my son to him i also know when to give
    him that tough love so he can balance the two and the differents of
    them , I give big ups to you for taken on that role and being supportive
    as a father would be but also show that sweet side of loving that child
    a hug and praise for good things go a long way to shows he can strive
    for betterment , keeping the growth of love and honor for a child means
    a lot to them by your honest love and devotion give him a big hug and
    watch his face light up in smiles .

    Tough love can be given in the mist of teaching him moral respect
    how to be a man , as you instill manhood into him to love and honor
    respect elders and the beauty of women you doing a super job taken
    this role and i wish you well bruh !
    Tell him how you love him , why you love him and why you give tough love
    as well he will understand and have a sense of direction in life as he grow.
    peace
     
  5. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Your rating Bro. Sip just shot through the roof in terms of my respect for you! :welldone: Brother Coach, I think you knew the answer already because it resided in your heart. I'm sure you read the advice that you were hoping to receive and that you have hugged your son many times over since then! Brother Rich....big props to you too brother.

    SEE....where are the researchers and data collectors when they need to be talking to you brothers in terms of fatherhood? You do yourselves proud, you do your children and women proud and you do your people proud! There's far too much negative hype in the media about Black men that we see all too often.

    THANK YOU dear brothers for being here and showing us the truth rather than the perpetual lie.

    Queenie :heart:
     
  6. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I co-sign everything you've said here!
     
  7. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Brothers Knowledge and Pan, do you think that most brothers think it's a sign of weakness if they hugged and kissed their sons?

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I hugged and kissed my son all the time. I know plenty of fathers that did the same. But as the grow, neither my son nor me as a father, feels it necessary to be as touchy feely on a regular basis.
     
  9. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Why not?

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  10. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    You have a good heart and good values, however, your position comes with perils which I will explain by my own situation. I come from a family of 4 brothers and one sister and this man was my step father ever since I was 1 years old. So in "reality, to me in my heart and mind THIS MAN WAS MY FATHER". Now as I got older I wanted to know why me and the rest of my brothers had different last names. All of them had the same last name but mines was different.

    My mother could have lied to me and simply told me that I was born "before they got married and everything would have been fine"...but she didn't. Being that I was born in Canada and there was no way I was going to see my father or have any connection with him in my life ever, that would have been what you might call "a good lie". I could have gone the rest of my life never knowing the truth with no harm done.

    However, the danger point to be conscious of is the "WOMAN OR MOTHER HERSELF". There were times when I became conscious of my reality because a lot of women have the tendancy to "use the child as a weapon or tool"... and my mother was no exception. I would hear them argue and it was then that she would say things like; "You don't tell him to do nothing, you ain't his father", or get your hands off of him, he ain't yours".

    I became a pawn in their adult world of disagreements between themselves. Now being that I was a child, it had a subconscious effect. When my father used to disipline me, even then I thought to myself; "who the hell is he to be putting his hands on me, that ain't my father!"

    From the time I actually found out the truth due to my mother using me as a tool in their arguements, me and my step fathers' relationship was never the same. We did not become friends until I was 27 years old and that's only because I went back and basically interveiwed all my mother and my fathers friends to see and find out what I did not and could not understand as a child about them in relation to myself.

    The bottom line is that; "For all your good intentions, your love and responsibility in your child, you must always be conscious of "the power player", the mother in this relationship in terms of your relationship with your child. That is the best warning I can give you. If possible, short cut this if you can before it ever arises.
     
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