Black Relationships : Father

Al D

We become that which we repeatedly do..
Jun 24, 2015
Retired Business Owner
Consider ALL things.[/QUOTE]
Are you a serious minded man, who takes responsibilities seriously? I ask that because you're going into/thinking of going into a relationship that involves a child; something that should never be taken lightly. Taking on a "ready-made" family can be a challenge...if you're not (mentally) prepared for it: along with the usual intimate relationship issues, is the issue of connecting with the child; having patience enough to understand that the best interest of the child comes before your wants/desires. MOST KIDS ARE RESISTANT TO ANOTHER MAN COMING INTO THEIR HOME. That's not to say that ALL THAT MATTERS is the child; that's not true. There comes a time when everyone in the relationship has to be considered. However, there must be a conversation between you and set the playing field; to lay out the ground rules; to get an understanding of what's expected of both of you. There also should be a conversation about the child's father...and how he play into the relationship; to think that the father doesn't matter is naïve. If you're going to have issues with the father coming around, you should walk away now. THAT'S HIS CHILD. If he wants to be involved in his child's life, you should be supportive of that. If not, it could destroy your relationship with the child...which could destroy your relationship with the mother. UNDERSTAND YOUR BOUNDARIES. If the relationship leads to marriage--which you should be considering, since there is a child involved--and you two have a child, you have to realize that you still have a father-role to play with your (step) child...and you cannot play favorites.

There is so much to consider when going into a relationship with a woman, or man, who have a child that's not your own. Prepare yourself, mentally, before moving forward. Search your soul...for things that you may have prejudices about. During this soul searching, you have to be completely honest with yourself; understanding that a simple argument with your mate isn't as simple when a child is involved. How you relate to that child could determine how your relationship goes with the mother.

Consider ALL things.
Baller, you are so on point with your comments. There is so so much to consider before going forward and you have at least set the foundation from which to possibly build on. This is an extremely delicate situation especially because of the child and father. A wholehearted discussion is needed like Baller says and honesty needs to be at the forefront...That is where it all begins and it will set the tone if there is to be a relationship.. It reminds me of the heart to heart that my wife and I had before we entered into our relationship....Excellent post and excellent comments by all...


Jul 11, 2016
Before responding to specific posts I want to ask if anyone knows of how, traditionally, a situation like this would have been perceived. Yes, I know not that long ago in South America, the Caribbean and the continent children were not only raised by parents, a single parent even, but the community/village but what about the single parent ? What would be the future for her/him ?

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