Black Relationships : Father

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Member
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Jul 11, 2016
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I was going to post this in the men's forum but thought, I am tired of all efforts to divide black men and black women, so I'm putting it in the relationship forum where black people can give their opinion.

It's simple. I am single; no children. I met a single women who is amazing and who has a daughter. Should I pursue a relationship with her ? Doing so would mean I would essentially become the father of her daughter.

What are your thoughts ?
 

Precise Allah

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Jun 16, 2009
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Atlanta Georgia
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I was going to post this in the men's forum but thought, I am tired of all efforts to divide black men and black women, so I'm putting it in the relationship forum where black people can give their opinion.

It's simple. I am single; no children. I met a single women who is amazing and who has a daughter. Should I pursue a relationship with her ? Doing so would mean I would essentially become the father of her daughter.

What are your thoughts ?
Peace,

What are your intentions towards the woman, the daughter? If your intentions are honorable and you feel you can do right by the mother and daughter then I say go for it. Single parent mothers need love too.

Peace
 

baller

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Jan 28, 2001
3,798
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the near north
Are you a serious minded man, who takes responsibilities seriously? I ask that because you're going into/thinking of going into a relationship that involves a child; something that should never be taken lightly. Taking on a "ready-made" family can be a challenge...if you're not (mentally) prepared for it: along with the usual intimate relationship issues, is the issue of connecting with the child; having patience enough to understand that the best interest of the child comes before your wants/desires. MOST KIDS ARE RESISTANT TO ANOTHER MAN COMING INTO THEIR HOME. That's not to say that ALL THAT MATTERS is the child; that's not true. There comes a time when everyone in the relationship has to be considered. However, there must be a conversation between you and moms...to set the playing field; to lay out the ground rules; to get an understanding of what's expected of both of you. There also should be a conversation about the child's father...and how he play into the relationship; to think that the father doesn't matter is naïve. If you're going to have issues with the father coming around, you should walk away now. THAT'S HIS CHILD. If he wants to be involved in his child's life, you should be supportive of that. If not, it could destroy your relationship with the child...which could destroy your relationship with the mother. UNDERSTAND YOUR BOUNDARIES. If the relationship leads to marriage--which you should be considering, since there is a child involved--and you two have a child, you have to realize that you still have a father-role to play with your (step) child...and you cannot play favorites.

There is so much to consider when going into a relationship with a woman, or man, who have a child that's not your own. Prepare yourself, mentally, before moving forward. Search your soul...for things that you may have prejudices about. During this soul searching, you have to be completely honest with yourself; understanding that a simple argument with your mate isn't as simple when a child is involved. How you relate to that child could determine how your relationship goes with the mother.

Consider ALL things.
 

Standard

Member
MEMBER
Jul 11, 2016
23
4
Are you a serious minded man, who takes responsibilities seriously? I ask that because you're going into/thinking of going into a relationship that involves a child; something that should never be taken lightly. Taking on a "ready-made" family can be a challenge...if you're not (mentally) prepared for it: along with the usual intimate relationship issues, is the issue of connecting with the child; having patience enough to understand that the best interest of the child comes before your wants/desires. MOST KIDS ARE RESISTANT TO ANOTHER MAN COMING INTO THEIR HOME. That's not to say that ALL THAT MATTERS is the child; that's not true. There comes a time when everyone in the relationship has to be considered. However, there must be a conversation between you and moms...to set the playing field; to lay out the ground rules; to get an understanding of what's expected of both of you. There also should be a conversation about the child's father...and how he play into the relationship; to think that the father doesn't matter is naïve. If you're going to have issues with the father coming around, you should walk away now. THAT'S HIS CHILD. If he wants to be involved in his child's life, you should be supportive of that. If not, it could destroy your relationship with the child...which could destroy your relationship with the mother. UNDERSTAND YOUR BOUNDARIES. If the relationship leads to marriage--which you should be considering, since there is a child involved--and you two have a child, you have to realize that you still have a father-role to play with your (step) child...and you cannot play favorites.

There is so much to consider when going into a relationship with a woman, or man, who have a child that's not your own. Prepare yourself, mentally, before moving forward. Search your soul...for things that you may have prejudices about. During this soul searching, you have to be completely honest with yourself; understanding that a simple argument with your mate isn't as simple when a child is involved. How you relate to that child could determine how your relationship goes with the mother.

Consider ALL things.
Exactly !

Thank you so much baller. I have been thinking about this so much - all the implications. It's a life decision.
 

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