Black Relationships : Father

Standard

Member
MEMBER
Jul 11, 2016
23
4
I was going to post this in the men's forum but thought, I am tired of all efforts to divide black men and black women, so I'm putting it in the relationship forum where black people can give their opinion.

It's simple. I am single; no children. I met a single women who is amazing and who has a daughter. Should I pursue a relationship with her ? Doing so would mean I would essentially become the father of her daughter.

What are your thoughts ?
 

Precise Allah

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jun 16, 2009
1,284
715
Atlanta Georgia
Occupation
Peacemaker
I was going to post this in the men's forum but thought, I am tired of all efforts to divide black men and black women, so I'm putting it in the relationship forum where black people can give their opinion.

It's simple. I am single; no children. I met a single women who is amazing and who has a daughter. Should I pursue a relationship with her ? Doing so would mean I would essentially become the father of her daughter.

What are your thoughts ?
Peace,

What are your intentions towards the woman, the daughter? If your intentions are honorable and you feel you can do right by the mother and daughter then I say go for it. Single parent mothers need love too.

Peace
 

baller

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jan 28, 2001
3,799
671
the near north
Are you a serious minded man, who takes responsibilities seriously? I ask that because you're going into/thinking of going into a relationship that involves a child; something that should never be taken lightly. Taking on a "ready-made" family can be a challenge...if you're not (mentally) prepared for it: along with the usual intimate relationship issues, is the issue of connecting with the child; having patience enough to understand that the best interest of the child comes before your wants/desires. MOST KIDS ARE RESISTANT TO ANOTHER MAN COMING INTO THEIR HOME. That's not to say that ALL THAT MATTERS is the child; that's not true. There comes a time when everyone in the relationship has to be considered. However, there must be a conversation between you and moms...to set the playing field; to lay out the ground rules; to get an understanding of what's expected of both of you. There also should be a conversation about the child's father...and how he play into the relationship; to think that the father doesn't matter is naïve. If you're going to have issues with the father coming around, you should walk away now. THAT'S HIS CHILD. If he wants to be involved in his child's life, you should be supportive of that. If not, it could destroy your relationship with the child...which could destroy your relationship with the mother. UNDERSTAND YOUR BOUNDARIES. If the relationship leads to marriage--which you should be considering, since there is a child involved--and you two have a child, you have to realize that you still have a father-role to play with your (step) child...and you cannot play favorites.

There is so much to consider when going into a relationship with a woman, or man, who have a child that's not your own. Prepare yourself, mentally, before moving forward. Search your soul...for things that you may have prejudices about. During this soul searching, you have to be completely honest with yourself; understanding that a simple argument with your mate isn't as simple when a child is involved. How you relate to that child could determine how your relationship goes with the mother.

Consider ALL things.
 

Standard

Member
MEMBER
Jul 11, 2016
23
4
Are you a serious minded man, who takes responsibilities seriously? I ask that because you're going into/thinking of going into a relationship that involves a child; something that should never be taken lightly. Taking on a "ready-made" family can be a challenge...if you're not (mentally) prepared for it: along with the usual intimate relationship issues, is the issue of connecting with the child; having patience enough to understand that the best interest of the child comes before your wants/desires. MOST KIDS ARE RESISTANT TO ANOTHER MAN COMING INTO THEIR HOME. That's not to say that ALL THAT MATTERS is the child; that's not true. There comes a time when everyone in the relationship has to be considered. However, there must be a conversation between you and moms...to set the playing field; to lay out the ground rules; to get an understanding of what's expected of both of you. There also should be a conversation about the child's father...and how he play into the relationship; to think that the father doesn't matter is naïve. If you're going to have issues with the father coming around, you should walk away now. THAT'S HIS CHILD. If he wants to be involved in his child's life, you should be supportive of that. If not, it could destroy your relationship with the child...which could destroy your relationship with the mother. UNDERSTAND YOUR BOUNDARIES. If the relationship leads to marriage--which you should be considering, since there is a child involved--and you two have a child, you have to realize that you still have a father-role to play with your (step) child...and you cannot play favorites.

There is so much to consider when going into a relationship with a woman, or man, who have a child that's not your own. Prepare yourself, mentally, before moving forward. Search your soul...for things that you may have prejudices about. During this soul searching, you have to be completely honest with yourself; understanding that a simple argument with your mate isn't as simple when a child is involved. How you relate to that child could determine how your relationship goes with the mother.

Consider ALL things.
Exactly !

Thank you so much baller. I have been thinking about this so much - all the implications. It's a life decision.
 

Destee

destee.com
STAFF
Jan 22, 2001
35,786
9,629
betwixt and between
destee.com
Occupation
Website Consultant
I was going to post this in the men's forum but thought, I am tired of all efforts to divide black men and black women, so I'm putting it in the relationship forum where black people can give their opinion.

It's simple. I am single; no children. I met a single women who is amazing and who has a daughter. Should I pursue a relationship with her ? Doing so would mean I would essentially become the father of her daughter.

What are your thoughts ?


:hello: Standard ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :wave: :wave: :wave:

I agree with all those before me, including Brother jamesfrmphilly ... in that you will not be the child's Father.

Only one man took part in the child's creation, and it was not you. Become one with that.

It is essential should you accept this task, as it will be your responsibility to help foster and encourage a loving relationship between the Father and child, if there is not one already. After all, it is what is best for the child, to know and love their natural Father and that's what you want for them ... what is best ... right?

It's not easy taking on an already made Family - a very noble gesture indeed.

I think it would matter how old you, the Mother, and child are ... might speak to some maturity levels ... but you seem quite mature already, trying to consider all that might go into such a decision.

I want someone to marry me and my children ... (in the quiet spaces of my mind).

I think it's every Single Mother's dream, to have love, help, support and stuff.

She must be a very special lady ... good luck to you all.

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
 

UnderEveryStone

New Member
MEMBER
Jan 15, 2017
4
0
The only way youd be her father is if you marry her mom. If your serious about settling down then go ahead, but dont put effort into something thats just temporary cause the little girl would probably take the news the hardest.
 

Precise Allah

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Jun 16, 2009
1,284
715
Atlanta Georgia
Occupation
Peacemaker
Peace,

Wow, y'all tough on the Fathers. Who and what a Father is, is determined by the child as much as the person claiming to be Father. I personally know several men who are not the biological of a son or daughter who are considered the Father just as I know many biologicals who are not worthy of the title.

In my Nation Allah is called by many "the Father" and 50 years later he is still considered by some to be "Father" on a very personal level. What's real is what's realized.

Peace
 

Bootzey

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Feb 26, 2008
2,015
794
Metro ATL
Occupation
Don't Ask
How old is the child?

And why did you point out that the child is a girl rather than just asking if you should date a woman with a child?
 

Standard

Member
MEMBER
Jul 11, 2016
23
4
How old is the child?

And why did you point out that the child is a girl rather than just asking if you should date a woman with a child?
Her daughter is 4 years old.

This is my personal case. This is my reality at the moment. Also, some time before getting to know the name of the daughter her mother would always refer to her as "my daughter", "my daughter", "my daughter" so for me it's now natural when not referring to the daughter by her name to do so with "her daughter".
 

Consciousness Raising Online!

Allow the N Word - yes or no?

  • yes

    Votes: 2 13.3%
  • no

    Votes: 7 46.7%
  • not sure

    Votes: 6 40.0%

Latest profile posts

Feeling good today fam...just been reading a couple of books. I think Dennis Kimbro's "Daily Motivations for African American Success" is one of the best motivational books on the market. This book has motivation for each day of the year on each page and all of these relate to your own Blackness. No matter what you're experiencing there's something in that book you could draw from. ✊
Life is a poem, love is the pen.
Charles Thompson wrote on Enki's profile.
Good evening
Destee wrote on Angela22's profile.
Hi Sweetie Pie Honey Bunch!!!! ... :dance4: ... Welcome Home! So good to have your sweet Spirit in the house! ... YAAAAAAY USSSSS! ... :yaay: :yaay: :swings: ... :heart:
Angela22 wrote on Enki's profile.
I hope all is well with you. Much love.:love:
Top