- May 25, 2013
- 62
- 9
“Father! , Make The Difference(s)…”
“Make The Difference,
And then, And Only then Shall Things be Different…”
“Make The Difference,
And then, And Only then Shall Things be Different…”
In accordance with the above, fore mentioned jewel, I concur! I been knew such ( Father!, makes the difference…) was a truth, but one day, recently, in my observation of a Father, and an older son( The Hatchett's…. ) interaction, such a truth was visible, confirmed, shown and proved. For as a Father was training his son to exercise, in so many ways I saw how the Father was making not one, but multiple difference in this son’s life. To the physical eye, one would perceive the Father forcing the son to do what he was tired of doing, or really didn’t want to do(?). While to the third eye --- Ones ability to perceive things and people for what and who they truly are, opposed to appearance or seem--- I saw a father teaching his son the aspect of grooming, the reality of doing and not wanting to do, endurance as well the art of fitness and good health. I also saw Father showing his son one of many ways a Father relates to his son, as well how a son can reciprocate the same, if not more. And spontaneously, I saw the Son receiving the love of his father, and out of love and respect I saw what I would have loved to have gotten from my Dad. I truly admired what I was witnessing, I wasn’t sure if this was something the Father was doing inorganically or not, or even if the Father realized what he was doing(?). I also wondered did the Son, understand that what his Father was doing, would mean more tomorrow than today. And even more years down the line. So many children would do almost anything to experience such, and then there is those who would have had a totally different outcome (Life over death, freedom over incarceration, etc.…) had they had a true and real Father in their life. In some cases, it’s too late and in other cases there is still hope. I now know and understand the power, the effect (More later than now…), and necessity of and for the present of Father/fatherhood. Because the lack of Fatherhood in my life, I am very adamant about the need for Fatherhood. I speak not from hearsay, nor from someone else experience, but rather from my very own experience. F.Y.I. = There was a time( 37, 38, 39 years of age…), when you could divide my age at that time, and one of those halves represented how much time I had spent incarcerated. And the worse part of that was the first 14 years of my life, I spent being a baby, boy, teenager. Hmmmmm? Spending the greater percentage of my life incarcerated (Mind you I am now 55 years of age…), I have met thousands(!), if not tens of thousands, of prisoners, and upon asking the question, “In your life, did You have a Father? Or a Dad??” more than 90% answer,” Dad…” Which is deep(!), and not coincidental, considering not only were we all males, but we all were, and are incarcerated (At least at that time…). Black! Incarcerated! and Basically Fatherless!!!! Definitely something to think about… Not justifying our acts which landed us in prison, or evading the responsibility, nor shifting the blame. Rather, recognizing the difference a FATHER has and can make. As well what the lack of (FATHERHOOOD), or the deprivation of, has done and can do. Surely every person who lacked a Father did not end up in jail, dead, or in a bad situation, though it’s no coincidence that a great majority of the incarcerated had a daddy, and not a Father. But, instead of complaining, and grieving about what my Dad did, or didn’t do, I choose to do something different: I choose to make the following vow; That not only wasn’t I going to be like my Dad, but everything he was (Just a dad!) I most definitely wouldn’t be! And everything he wasn’t (A Father!), I was most definitely going to be! Before I manifest another thought, idea or suggestion, allow me to establish and share my credentials, just in case anyone wonders, or questions my manifestations, or raise an eyebrow to my being able to speak about or on such. First and foremost, I am a strong advocate of and for the visibility and acknowledgement of not only the Father need, but even more the Parent need! – Both Parents! For no parent is required more than the other. Despite what society may portray and many may say. I use to be a so-called Dad, and now more than ever am A FATHER! I was raised in a basically single parent home. My Dad wasn’t 100% invisible, but what little we did see him. And what little he did, was not compensating for five (1 Bro. & 3 Sis.), definitely not me. So, what I seek, craved for and needed I sought elsewhere, which wasn’t too good resulting areas. Love, guidance, direction and identification, I either found it myself, or I made it myself. Which is not a guaranteed positive resulting thing, when you are ignorant in more ways than one--- A savage in pursuit of happiness. Now as for My Mother, she was a mother indeed! Betty Lou Hamilton (R.I.P! 8/23/2004). If she could only see me now, as I do what a Father does, and not just the dad things. As I told one of my oldest (Latik Seymou Allah Junior), as I strive in my daily living out my responsibilities with your newest brothers, be not surprised or bother by what you may see, for I may not have done such to or for you, or Jemal (D.O.B. 6/22/82), but your Father was learning and still is. Just striving to be the best Father I can be. It is most definitely a difference, considering I have two sons that are more than 2 and 3 decades older than my two youngest (Almighty & Awesome D.O.B. 5/8/2019).
Know this, and understand this, there is no one way or manual on being a Father, though there are a lot of good ideas out there, which you can get through reading and listening to those Fathers who are being all the Father they can be. Black Fathers are probably the most overlooked, under-valued and least celebrated creatures on the Earth(!). It’s not by chance, luck or coincidence. Rather it is actual fact, of all holidays, Father’s Day is the least commemorated holiday of all. Which may sound insane, considering every child has a Mother/Mommy, as well a Father or Daddy. So, how is Mother’s Day the most celebrated holiday in the world, and Father’s Day the least celebrated? Them children are just as much you and yours, as they are she and hers!!! Such discrediting has gone on for centuries, and will continue to go on, as long as we allow it. The myth and the lies are only perpetrated because we don’t show that such is not true. Sure, there are Dad’s out there, but they represent and speak not for the black Fathers! We, Fathers, love our children and will do as we have, which is do all we can and all we must for our children! F.Y.I. – When I say our children(?), I mean any and all children. For we the true and real Fathers MUST pick up the slack sometimes for those dads, in hopes that those Dads will realize and want to do what he supposed to do.
As a Father of four males (Latik (26), Jamel (6/22/82), Almighty & Awesome (About to be two years old… (5/8/2019))*Not excluding the countless Fatherless children that frequent my midst daily… ), more than ever, especially with the twins, I know and understand the importance of a Father and the difference his presences make as well the possibility of negative outcome his absence can manifest. More than ever, I am committed as well determine to be all the Father I may to mine, as well to any others I may? I am aware it may not be easy, but I also know it’s not impossible. MUST do, what we MUST do, for it’s no longer about us as the adults and parents, rather about the children! If we don’t do more, and be more to our children, then we all are in trouble. For depriving the child/children is destruction to not just us, but as well them! Know and understand that we as Fathers, as well as Mothers, have our work cut out for us. Offering and giving them more positive and realistic choices, guiding them to and through their journey from boys to men, and from girls to woman --- Fathers and Mothers one day. Trust me, failing to do so, allows the enemy to offer and give them what is detrimental to us and beneficial to them. “Coffins” or “Cells” (Prison Cells), of course that’s the oppositions (Enemy) offering. Whereas, and of course we offer such not!
Understand how and why I say what I say, and I speak from personal experience… For it’s all natural for children to crave and desire that male, that biologically male who aided in our physical existence, and if and when lacking or just not there, we tend to create our own picture and definition. Which can be a not so good thing, especially considering our ignorance, mixed with our emotions, not overlooking our exposure to so much more than ever to countless things (i.e., violence, homosexuality, sex, drugs, etc.…). To yours truly, my definition of man/father was he who had lots of money, lot of females, cars and guns, all which was not just the wrong picture and wrong definition, but the contributing factors to my incarcerations, and fortunately not my demise. Moooom was always there (Up until her demise 8/23/04), but all her wonderfulness couldn’t compensate for the craving for my lacking. Though, I made it through, and still here. It wasn’t an easy ride, but I reiterate, ”I made it through, and I’m still here! Surely it wasn’t for her( Moooom ) I lacked, for a Mother we had to the nth. I don’t use my absence of a Father as an excuse, but rather a reality. As well a strengthening factor. Yes, a FATHER may have added less failures in my life and more success, thus we never know. What I do know is NOW is all what I have, and what I do now can and hopefully will trinkle on down to my tomorrows. Being not only the Father I didn’t have, and needed, but as well being a sample to those dads out there. For it’s not that there is only a few Fathers, rather so many choose not to speak up or speak out. Some don’t have what it takes to make their perspective on being a Black Father here in America, known. While others just are concern with theirs. When I heard of this opportunity to share my perspective with the masses, I couldn’t ignore it. It may not give me the money that author would generally get(?), but I MUST see the bigger picture. Bigger picture? To share my perspective as a Father, and hopefully someone(s) can and will benefit from it. I also hope that through my writing and the other contributor that more Fathers stand up, speak out and show there are more Fathers than Daddy’s. And can’t one deny us, but US!
Allow me to add, for all those who may feel the opposite – That Daddy is what we need more of, and less Fathers. Or that a Father is something we males who got a female pregnant, are such automatically. As a Dad is what every child truly needs. Not to argue, but yet give you something to consider, First, keep in mind, there is no such thing as Daddy’s Day, though surely we are aware of Father’s Day --- The day set aside to acknowledge and commemorate those who are worthy of doing more, and being more than a sperm donor (Daddy…). Surely, you don’t go out your way, be it verbal acknowledgement or material giving, to acknowledge he who is responsible for the life of a child or children and that is all! – True? Or Not? Something else to keep in mind, the word FATHER is so awesome as well self-defining. Let’s analyze the word, FATHER. FAT-HE or FAT-HER. Hmmmmm? So, without depending on Mr. Webster, what does the word, rather title define? Ans… One who just does more than just give life (Daddy), rather adds (FATtens ) more and more to that son( HE ) or daughter( her ),each and every day, in each and every way. Giving that child or children the nutriments , and things he or she needs to further their growth, development, and manhood, womanhood if you are a female.(?) For the day that Any true and real parent looks forward to is when their Son, becomes a Man, a Father. Or when their daughter becomes the woman and Mother they are meant to be.
Now, in my conclusion allow me to beseech all you Dads; For being a FATHER is really not that hard, just do your child/children as your Father was to you, and if you also had just a Dad(?) then how you would have loved your Dad to have been to you…. Hmmmmm? Plus, if you are a Dad(?) then it’s kind of too late to pull back or pull out, for they ( The individual(s) entity that make you that Daddy & hopefully Father.. ) are here! And it’s really not as hard as you may make it out to be. As for you Fathers, I beseech you! And I encourage you to continue to be the Father you are. For we may be under-rated, least celebrated and most definitely discredit, but we are imperative! Without us not only can’t the world exist, but the problems of the world today, will be the problems of the world tomorrow! We, Fathers recognize the worth and the necessity for you Mothers, and as long as we do this together, we may not be able to 100% guarantee the great outcome of our children(?), but we can decrease the chances of their failures. So, let’s not make it about you, nor I, rather about the children, our future! For they are watching, and be you know it or not, be you agree or disagree, thus MORE IS CAUGHT THAN TAUGHT!---Word Is Bond! One more thing, and this goes out to ALL Fathers, as well ALL Mothers. For be you know it or not, be you agree or disagree, but that child or children, could only be here through the assistance of not one, both the both of us. (True or Not? ) So, in order to bring that child or children to their ultimate goal--- To a man well doing man, if a son or To a woman, if a daughter is she. We MUST do this together, not apart! For neither of our responsibilities is no more great, nor less important than the pother. That child needs his Father, just as much as he will need his mother, despite what others may think, say or feel! As individual parenting, the outcome is up in the air( Iffy… ) , whereas together the chances of that son, or that daughter, being that man , or woman, we dream of and for them, is constantly increased.
“Distinguishing…”
To be, or Not to be?
Yes, that is the question,
To be a father, or Just a dad? Pay close attention, and you may learn a valuable lesson.
For dad’s come a dime a dozen, and a Father is like one in a million,
Dad will come, and bounce, but a Father is there to the end…
Father is the man who has contribute to the birth of any and all child, or children,
He, who constantly and always contributes to the growth and development of his from the beginning to the end.
Now on the other hand there is them dad’s, and nothing more he be,
Who contribute to the birth of a child or children, and that’s the beginning, and the end of the story…
To some a dad and a father, there’s no difference, for they may be spelled different, but yet is one in the same,
To others, there is a big difference, for one is an attribute, which – While the other is nothing more than a name!
Of course, the “Father” would be the attribute, and the name is “Dad!”
And believe me I know the difference for a father I constantly strive to be, for a Dad I had…
A Father can also be a dad, but a dad isn’t necessarily a Father,
And this is why it’s important to define and distinguish one from the other.
A Dad was necessary,
But a Father is what that child is going to need,
For the making of a child was simple,
Thus, raising that child to a Man or woman,
Is what the Father about be.
Know and understand,
That all Dads are not a Father’
Be you agree or disagree,
Whereas a Father can still be a Dad,
Which is how and why the child generally calls him Daddy.
A Father is a Father regardless if you like it or not,
And will always be detectable in the Fathers’ ways and actions, as well by examining the Fathers’ Heart…
Latik….