Black Relationships : family vs your significant other

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by thaREDDizbak, May 31, 2008.

  1. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    i was thinking about this the other day because someone mentioned the disney cartoon the little mermaid. im sure you are all familiar with the story line. ariel (the main character) decides to leave her family under the sea to be with her man on the land.

    if you had to choose between leaving your family (possibly forever) to be with your significant other, or stay with your family and lose him/her forever, what would you decide? have you ever had to make that choice?

    you can answer the questions directly, or any variation of the questions that may make sense or are relevant to you.

    im just curious to get everyone\'s opinion on this
     
  2. oceolo

    oceolo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2005
    Messages:
    1,271
    Likes Received:
    15
    Ratings:
    +15
    IF YOU ARE MARRIED YOUR SPOUSE,AFTER GOD, IS SUPPOSED TO COME BEFORE ANYTHING OR ANYONE , INCLUDING MOMMY AND DADDY. THIS IS IMPORTANT IN ORDER TO KEEP THE MARITAL BOND STRONG .

    IF YOUR FAMILY REALLY LOVES YOU THEY WOULD NOT MAKE YOU CHOOSE, BUT IF YOU ARE FORCED TO MAKE A CHOICE ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR WIFE BECAUSE YOU HAVE A COMMITMENT TO KEEP REGARDING HER.

    IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS THAT " A MAN WILL LEAVE HIS MOTHER AND FATHER AND BE UNITED TO HIS WIFE AND THEY WILL BECOME ONE FLESH' (GENESIS 2:24)

    IF SOMETHING OR SOMEONE HAS PRIORITY OVER YOUR SPOUSE --THE MARRIAGE WILL NOT LAST.
     
  3. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2007
    Messages:
    2,525
    Likes Received:
    261
    Occupation:
    to seek truth
    Location:
    everywhere and nowhere
    Ratings:
    +261
    I would choose none

    really I see it as a power trip between my fam and my significant...

    my relationship with my family stands on it's own

    as does any othe relationship i've defined for myself

    each is what it is and has nothing to do with the other...

    them tryin to make me choose .... is stress that I don't need...

    whatever the relationship if it is counterproductive to my purpose it must go...

    there comes a time when no matter what u gotta choose a side...

    without regard for emotions... emotions effect ur behavior.......

    i choose me... if something ain't part of the solution it's part of the problem.. and it gotta go... no matter what u feel or what u been told u must feel...

    i am not a possession to be possessed...

    the interatction is for a reason and once i complete it it is only up to me to determine what is next......

    i don't do drama ... it was forced on me...

    people should do what is healthy for their soul ..... it has a domino effect ....

    the thing about family is blood is thicker then water... and people really beleive that knowing full well they family is a compilation of the devil himself.......

    I don't need a family to complete me... all i need is the all encompassing compassion and love that i can't even give u a word for...

    do u... because that who u owe the most to..................
     
  4. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    what if you\'re not married, you\'re just dating or in a long-term relationship?
     
  5. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    i agree with you wholeheartedly
     
  6. oceolo

    oceolo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2005
    Messages:
    1,271
    Likes Received:
    15
    Ratings:
    +15
    You shouldn't be in a long term relationship unless your married and if your just dating it would depend on on your feelings for that person.
     
  7. Nasheed

    Nasheed Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2008
    Messages:
    911
    Likes Received:
    168
    Occupation:
    Otr Truck Driver
    Location:
    The Ville in The Lou
    Ratings:
    +168
    There is "No CHoice To Be Made"

    Like Miss Lady said, I would do me.
     
  8. Edward Williams

    Edward Williams Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2006
    Messages:
    870
    Likes Received:
    58
    Occupation:
    Produce Justice
    Location:
    Right here!
    Ratings:
    +58
    What does it mean for two people (male and female) to become one? One with each other? One with each other's family?

    When a male and female come "together" to help each other and to enjoy each other's interaction "as long as they both shall live"...as they say...that is the beginning of what is called a family. So when the two get together the purpose should be to start what is called a family...not leave a family...and everyone should have that understanding.

    So the questions that you are asking don't make sense when the life-long union of a male and female is viewed from that perspective. I know that the perspective sounds almost alien because there is only a small percentage of people doing it who are non-white.
     
  9. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    when i posed the question is wasnt just about married people. significant other can mean someone youre dating or are in a serious relationship that isnt quite marriage ready yet. the responses just veered towards marriage.

    with that said, i think my questions are relevant.

    for example, i was in a relationship where my boyfriends mother did not approve of me because i wasnt the same nationality as them (theyre trinidadian). he decided not to let that interfere with us being together, so he stayed with me. his mom eventually grew to like me after she got to know me, so it was okay after that.

    suffice it to say we\'re not together anymore, but maybe that example will give some clarity to my original question.

    there are plenty of people that are in relationships that their families do not want them to be in, and i see plenty of threads in this forum that support my statement. so maybe you can re-evaluate your answer to my question based on what i just said...

    or not.
     
  10. Edward Williams

    Edward Williams Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2006
    Messages:
    870
    Likes Received:
    58
    Occupation:
    Produce Justice
    Location:
    Right here!
    Ratings:
    +58
    I think we're talking about the same thing. The conversation is always going to gravitate toward "marriage" because we have a deep understanding that is where it should gravitate. Our superficial understanding that is rooted in how we have been trained to think, speak, and act is what keeps us surface level thinkers.

    He should've been with you. That is just the natural order of things. His parents at some point had to do the same thing or he wouldn't have been on the planet for you to meet. It seems as though even when we don't know what to do we know what to do. There is a natural order of how things should work and there is a way that we have been trained about how things should work. Unfortunately, most of us follow our training.
     
Loading...