Black Women : Eyes Wide Shut

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by phynxofkemet, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm posting tonight cuz I need to talk. My heart is broken wide open and I am feeling helpless. For a few years my relationship with my sistah has been deteriorating. She was my best best friend, and I loved her like my twin self.
    Her heart was compassionate, and she had wisdom and she taught me patience . But three years have gone by and this girl has acted like an enemy and I could not figure out why. The obvious has been in front of me for a long time - her post nasal drip they call it. Sinus problems. Yeah right.

    What can I do? I realize that so much has changed and I'm no longer close to her. Our conversations often end with someone hanging up the phone or her getting aggressive over nothing. I knew something was wrong but it hasn't been until recently when her finances didn't seem to add up that I figured we were dealing with more than marijuana abuse.

    My parents don't know - do I tell them? She doesn't know that I know yet, do I confront her? I heard through another relation that she has been doing this for years and he knows cuz he's done it with her. I am so so so mad. Her drug addiction has influenced my family to make very bad choices, some of which we are in the midst of dealing with now, and I'm frightened by her sheer ability to "go to war". Do I draw the line and walk away from her and my other family that wants to enable her - any suggestions?

    I am SOOO MAD! My other relation (my half brother) has always had substance abuse problems: he told our dad he's done it all, crack, cocaine, X, you name it, and he's still an alcoholic. I feel like he helped to introduce my sister to this lifestyle and he should have told me what was going on. As our older sibling he's not supposed to led us into hell, but protect us. I feel like I can't trust him either anymore, like I don't know anybody around me at all.

    Has anyone else dealt with substance abuse in their family? What do you do?
    I've had two addictions in my life, the first was cigarettes and the second was marijuana - both of which I've had the strength to quit by the grace of Spirit.
    I don't drink, smoke or do any other illegal substances and it feels good, but how can I repair my family? And I know if I speak to her about Faith, Spirit, or any of those things she will freak out on me - my sister has always had everything she wanted or at least all that she needed. We've had rough times but nothing to warrants this kind of hard action. I'm so mad, at myself ! I had a boyfriend with this problem and didn't see it either - I just figured these people had terrible mood swings.

    LIFE - I MISS HER A LOT:10800:
     
  2. lilpea

    lilpea Moderator STAFF

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    First of all let me say i understand what your going through....for you see i was what my consular called me a functioning addict. I took care all the things a normal person would..worked took care of a family..belonged to this organization or that. Never did the needle..too scared but if it was powder, it when up my nose. I too didn't realize the effect it had on my family and friends...to me the world was alright and i was alright with the world. That is what the hard drugs can do for u...give u a false sense of security.

    My down point can early in my addiction...and that in itself was a blessing for me. I was a party one night really having a good time.... all the drugs i wanted was there for the taking...and it was free. After indulging in this and that. I had to pay the water bill. That is where I got a wide awaking. The door was not locked so i just walked in..and to my surprise there set a lady on the toilet passed out with a syringe sticking in her Virgina. For me that was that last straw. I couldn't/wouldn't see myself ending up like that or worse.

    I'm telling u this story to make a point...just like you and I decided to stop. That is what it will take for your sister to stop.....she has to want to stop plain and simple. No matter what others want if she doesn't want it herself all the intervention in the world will not help.

    Yes if she was my sister i would ask her if SHE wanted some help. But be prepared for a no answer..because we all have are own walls to hit...and the best you or anyone can do is be there for them when they do hit it.
     
  3. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    I'm sorry to hear about your Sister. I too have experience family members addicted to drugs. One thing I never did was disrepect them, of distanced myself from them because of it. I'd continue to love them as if I never knew they had a problem. A reason for my attitude could be that they never went as far to intentionally hurt anyone in my family but themselves, and because I didn't know what else I could do. It's so painful to watch them destroying their mind and body in such a way. And the worrying, you're always afraid that something even worst will happen to them. Like somebody killing them for trying to feed their addiction, or them over indulging so much that they die. It's frightening and painful.

    I don't know how close you may be living to your sister, but if she is near, go see her instead of calling. Invite her to do some sister activities with you, like going shopping, catching a movie, traveling, or just seeking some personal advice. You can probably discuss your situation with her, but instead of saying it's her, tell her it's a close friend that you are concerned about. Do this just to get an understanding of where her heart and mind is, then take it from there. Show her that she's still needed and loved within the family and encourage her to come visit you sometimes. Just steal some time from her if she'll let you. You might be surprised to find she views you as her closest, favorite sister too. And Sister, don't blame your brother. You said your sister is wise, so therefore she did what she wanted to do. Yes, your brother could have did all in his power to convience her not to indulge in his habits, but you must keep in mind his addiction plays a huge roll in his mental choices too. Who knows, your reaching out to your sister may bring about positive change for the both of them. Keep in mind also, three years is a long time to be caught up with a nasal drip if she hasn't sought help already. It could take three years or more before she even seek recovery. If you never fully needed the patience she taught you to have, you sure will need it now.

    I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

    :heart:
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i would suggest putting it all on the table in front of the family. the truth hurts but it will also set you free.
     
  5. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    decision

    thanx for the insight everyone. i've decided not to disclose the news to the family for a few reasons, the primary one is the emotional /physical well being of my folks who are dealing with other pressures right now and this won't help. I don't want to cause additional stress to them and have something happen to one of them...

    I love her, but I guess this is her life to do with as she chooses. I don't live in the same city, and even if i did, I'm wary of her moods. I will have some faith that she finds the truth and the strength to live a better life.

    I'm working on forgiveness towards my bro for keeping this a secret for so long. It may be a hot minute b4 I can see him again without unleashing some wrath. I'm working on forgiveness towards my sis for choosing to do this.
    There are children who are starving, families in dire straits and animals that need saving and she puts her money into the pockets of dealers. I'm shaking my head and working on forgiveness.
    :kick:
     
  6. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    eyes wide open

    Well my sister and I have spoken on the subject, and the information i received was not true. She doesn't even drink or smoke herb anymore and hasn't for a long while. Our mis-communications were in part of things that she's been going through and didn't want to reveal, none of which are drug related. Her sinuses are fine and have been for months so I choose to believe her.

    And we are both going to be confronting the person who made the allegation cuz I'm none to happy with them. Ulterior motives i don't know, but we'll find out. in the meantime i share this good news because i feel restored and lifted. My heart and prayers remain with all of us who have or will deal with this issue at one point in life. May the Creator give us the strength to save our minds and bodies. :luvv: :qqb014:
     
  7. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    No guts, no glory....


    :thinking: It is time to put it out for all to see. Either that, or cry with regret at her funeral :censored:
     
  8. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm very pleased to hear you spoke directly to your sister, and hopefully your relationship will lose some of the strain its developed over the last couple years (now that communication is restored)
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    great news...peace and blessings...:qqb023:
     
  10. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Good to hear that :skillet: :hammer2: :zipit: :10400:
     
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