Black People : Evil Stepmother

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Bishop, Mar 25, 2003.

  1. Bishop

    Bishop Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    One of my boys has been married for 3 years to a nice woman who had 4 kids from a previous marriage. Her husband died and she and my boy got married and he took on the task of raising her kids as his own...Thing is he has 2 kids from a previous marriage and he has weekend custody of his kids and has had it for 6 years. His wife knew all this going in to the marriage and welcomed it. As soon as they got married she changed...she told her husband that they shouldn't come over as much because she feels her kids feel slighted seeing that they haven't had a father for sometime and might feel threatened. Of course he was livid and told her that his kids which were in the picture well before they were will always have his unlimited love and time. She felt her request was valid. He told her he bent over backwards to make her kids feel welcomed...he has a three bedroom house in which his kids each had their own room, but when he got remarried he gave those rooms to his stepkids, and turned his office into a bedroom for his kids...He has a fund setup for his kids for college as well as a hefty insurance policy for his kids...His wife wants him to adopt her kids...and split the insurance among the 6 kids....I told him to get some counseling cause it looks like she wants to cut out his kids altogether and get everything for her kids.....Sounds like a selfish and spoiled girl to me.....But I wanted to know have you heard of similar instances where a wife wants to deny her step children and keep them from the benefits of having their father?
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    yes sir indeed ..........man i know of such act and case where
    the new wife don't want anything to do with his children and
    vow to keep them away .
    now my point of it is
    why stay with a woman who don't care for your children
    nor do she want u to even be with them
    but i do know this he's in a mean and bad thing
    now i see it as the insurance he took out for his children benefit
    should remain da same now he can do something for hers he
    they come to agreement on that point
    i feel not only counseling but i would have to revised my life
    to where it's best for my children if it means devoice so be it
    THE kids come first they are the future of us
    she is evil , mean , and disrespectful to the relationship!!!

    i've been on this road before and it was a ulgy
     
  3. Bishop

    Bishop Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I kept my thoughts to myself...but I almost inclined to tell him to get a good lawyer...She also made a statement that she didn't want the baby mama drama...but there is no baby mama drama...the ex-wife has been married for 4 years....she coming up with excuses....but I know the real deal...I've been knowing this girl for about 10 years, never would have dreamed she was this crazy...
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Bishop that's my point it's time for him to move on
    she just want it all for her & her kids and cross his
    out !
    i've seen at a point where this happen a brutha was
    taken for everything he had by signing thing ova to her
    after they was wedd and he took his children off it
    when he pass on she took it all and left his kids
    homeless, and in the cold with nothing !
    i say it act fast and do what he know is best for him
    and the kids
    yet still treat her with kind respect but set things up right
    where his kids can be secured or just move on
    no woman can come between me & my children
    if i feel a problem some where quickly i will tend to it
    and my kids first no matter what
    brutha i know it was hard for u to stay on a hush
    but ya boy need to hear the facts
    she need help
    she's mean, confused and hungry for it all
    that's not love , that's not bonding together
    simply out for hers and the kids not his

    how do we say such to a friend so where they understand
    we not trying to crash their life or love nor mate of life but
    offering wise wisdom of reality ?????
    can they understand or be blind to the facts before them
    this what makes it hard to sit and watch happen when u
    really know da inside story
    hope he make the right choice for his children and his own sake
    da out come yet unknown !
     
  5. Regina

    Regina Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Response to post about "Evil Stepmother"

    He needs to make sure he keeps his insurance and other assets in his or his children's name. He shouldn't adopt her children because I think she has an ulterior motive. She sounds crazy and a golddigger. She just happened to find someone to fall for her mess.

    Tell him to please take care. She doesn't sound like the one for him.
     
  6. Bishop

    Bishop Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with both..I think that the thing that has made this so messed up is that all of us practically grew up together.....we all been knowing each other since we were about 9 or 10. So this really blew me away when he told me...I even asked her (I thought he might have been exaggerating)about it and she told me it was true....
     
  7. vj57

    vj57 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    People should have things in check before they marry someone.

    In other words, if I were a man, my wife will have to understand that I have children from a previous liaison and I will be spending time with them.

    In this case, I would make sure my kids were the beneficiaries on my policy (or designate a trusted friend or relative as the guardian). This woman is bent on leaving his children out of the picture.

    My son's father is married and we had the child before she came into the picture. She already had a child which he raised. But he was not allowed to visit or even call his son and it took nine years before my son saw his father.

    And this woman (his wife) doesn't like my son. I feel that she's threatened by me. I don't want her husband!

    She would hate it when I came to town because they would all of a sudden leave town so he couldn't see his son. And they eventually had a son who didn't know he had a brother until about 1995. This boy met his half-brother and they loved each other, but mom has a problem with it.

    I don't want any bother with a man who has young children because there can be some baby momma drama. I would want him to love, support and spend time with his kids. But to avoid the headaches, I just rather be with someone who has GROWN children out of the house. I just have one at home and he's a college kid who will be home on the weekends and breaks.

    Sometimes, women can be selfish and immature. This woman wants the man to take care of HER kids and leave his alone. Sounds just like the scenario with my son's father. But in the end she loses, because her son was angry with both of them when he discovered he had a big brother. And my son loves him very much and he does take time to call him. I do not discourage him from doing so and once they are grown, she can't do a thing about it.
     
  8. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    so true and well said vj57 .......all this should have been done from jump and
    made clear
     
  9. vj57

    vj57 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Black men, stop being wimps! You got kids before you met this woman, YOU PUT THIS WOMAN IN CHECK! You tell her that either she accepts the fact that you have kids and you will support and spend time with them or she has to take a hike!

    Sisters, we shouldn't try to keep a man from his kids. If you don't want him to be with his kids, you tell him that from the beginning and hopefully he will move on to someone who will accept his kids.

    And then you got the nerve to want him to take care of YOUR kids, but abandon HIS? That is selfishness and God will not bless you or him.

    I'm in my 40s and I realize that if I get with a man, there's a 95% that he will have children. But I prefer that they are ADULT children and self-sufficient like mine. (I only have one dependent on me for college support).

    My daughter's stepmother is very kind to my daughter. She and her husband have been supportive of her and when I didn't have health insurance, the stepmother was able to put her down as a dependent. And even though in the past her father and I had a rocky road, we put that mess behind us and took care of our daughter. It was me and the stepmother who moved her into her dorm and would always visit with "care packages". We are planning for her college graduation and are mature and friendly people who want the best for her.

    My daughter was put on my insurance when I got a good job and I carried her until she turned 23. When she had to have minor surgery I could not go because of serious health problems of my own. Her stepmother was there for her.

    The stepmother's family treats my daughter as their own. She was about 12 when her father began with this woman. The stepmother knew he had a daughter and this woman spent her money on my daughter, taking her school shopping and spending time with her. I had no problem with it at all because my daughter was EXPENSIVE to shop for and I gladly let her take over (smile).

    For awhile there was animosity between me and the father. He tend to say unkind things about me and his wife made him shut up. And when my daughter was unruly, she discerned that the kid wanted to have her way and agreed with me. She sat her husband straight and told him to NEVER badmouth his daughter's mother again. And she told him if he was such a good father that he wouldn't had allowed his ex-girlfriend to mistreat his daughter (ouch!) Little stepmother just stood her ground with him and to this day, we are good friends.

    The three of us are mature Christians and we come together in peace. We are planning a big even for her when she graduates from college.

    So, sisters and brothers, make sure your new mate will love and accept your children. Don't settle for less. Also, you show love and respect for their children, too.
     
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