Black People : Estranged communication amongst us ??!!

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by blkbutterfly41, Nov 12, 2009.

  1. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,633
    Likes Received:
    483
    Ratings:
    +483
    Hello Destee:



    Lets talk about communications. This is an area that effects us in every arena. Relationships, generational gap; Our jobs, careers, and extending our education. How do we relate in our home and our respective community ??


    How do we communicate with each other ?? And is it effective ?? After browsing for a few days. I often wonder if the reader knows what is being relayed by the poster. And did the poster relay their thoughts , feelings and position thoroughly and effectively ??


    I'm not by any means criticizing. Because, I know, that I fall short as well. I'm a firm believer that the value in us are our differences and not what we share alike. And I appreciate and respect the differences in us. The object and ultimate goal TO ME is to understand and comprehend each other. Not necessarily agree.


    1- Males verses female and the manner that we relate. Our communication is broken down. If we can do better in this arena, I believe that we are half way there. So lets discuss more effective ways that we can communicate. That will be productive in our relationships.


    Is there a big gap in our communication method and how damaging is it to us ??

    Even though our Eurocentric thinking does not always recognize it, the base of the Black community is a collective of African roots that embraces community atmospheres, spirituality as an integral part of all life domains, and interactive communication and learning. These African traditions contrast with Western traditions, which make them critical for school psychologists to understand. For example, while Black children are used to an aesthetic of community support at home, the nature of Western schools is one of competition with peers.


    For example, it is important to realize that Black people in America have come to this country from many regions of the world. Many have come to America directly from Africa as descendants of slaves, as immigrants, and as refugees. Blacks’ roots are embedded in Africa; however, Black people also come by way of the Caribbean (including more than 50 islands and especially Haiti, the Dominican Republic, Jamaica, Trinidad, and Tobago), the Cape Verde Islands, and Europe/Bermuda. Black people present in a multitude of skin tones ranging from alabaster to deep mahogany. Over the years the community has been labeled Negroid, Colored, Negro, Black, Afro-American, and now African American. All of these things—physical appearance, home region, and accepted racial categorization—may have effects on racial identity. While labeled and categorized as “Black” or “African American,” Black people are not a homogenous group: the larger Black community is as diverse in some cultural aspects as it is in skin tone, comprised of African decendents with a distinct culture and subcultures that may vary one from the other.


     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,789
    Likes Received:
    8,982
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,680
    lol Sister BlkButterfly41 ... do you mean me ... :)

    Ohhh gosh ... i haven't had a chance to welcome you personally on the forums ... so let me do that now ...

    WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME SISTER !!! :wave:

    Yes, i do think we have some challenges in our communications, as we do in all things.

    There have been so many obstacles put in place to hinder us, it's a wonder we even still exist.

    Do you know there was a time when Black People in America (and probably other countries as well) could not be caught talking to each other, or too many of us gathering in the same place was reason to call the police, overseer, or whoever was in charge?

    Yes Sister, we aren't all that we should be, but this community is about helping us get to that place. The way I figure it, if we have a place that is conducive to peace, respectful dialogue, consideration, etc., for each other, we may (eventually) all be moved toward interacting in the very best of manners. We've been here for 12 years, and we aint all been moved yet, but i'm still encouraged. I have seen some that come in way ugly, and turn out to be the sweetest, most wonderful Sisters and Brothers in the world. Most of us have some baggage we're bringing with us, bad experiences, fear, pain, the conditioning put in us against one another ... lots of stuff that needs to be healed ... and it's going to take some time for that to happen. After all, it took hundreds of years to turn us against one other, in the way we manifest it now, and it's probably gonna take a little bit of time, to get us beyond it.

    I am encouraged. I am hopeful. It's the only way I could continue doing this, that I believe we are able to overcome these obstacles. In fact, God and Our Ancestors continue to give me encouragement, by giving us wonderful, new, caring, loving, Sisters and Brothers just like you ... to join us and add to our rich diversity ... providing new examples of how to interact / communicate in the best of manners.

    What we're doing here, is giving our children to know, that it can be done.

    No, it's not easy, but we as a people can lift each other up, encourage each other, look out for one another ... be examples of how to properly communicate ... even if there is one or two in the midst not doing that. In fact, this community allows for the one or two not willing, to remain, to learn, to grow, to heal, so they too can get to the place (with us) where we are all interacting / communicating in the best of manners ... should they desire to do that.

    Yep ... we are well on our way Sister!

    Thank you for joining us!

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. decipherx1

    decipherx1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2009
    Messages:
    945
    Likes Received:
    379
    Ratings:
    +379

    Much of our communication became estranged once we were bought on the slave ships from diffrent countries in Africa, so that lead to a downward spiral of miscommunication.
    Even today you still have much miscommunication because of regional barriers. i.e.
    Take the North and South for instance.
    Now I called an ex-girlfreind and ask her whats good baby and didn't know her NEW man was over there, any way, he heard it, and she called me the next day telling me not to call any more, and later explained: "because her boyfreind said what buisness do I have calling you baby, if we are not together any more"???
    LMAO... I tried to explain to her in the New York and New Jersey, "EVERBODY" says whats good baby, Male and Female, Dudes may say that to each "Shawty" is used in the South for everbody Females and grown Men; but up here when we call someone a Shorty, usally we are referring to a Women or a small kid, not another grown *** man lol.
    If I was to call another growm man Shawty up here it might be a problem
    So YES depending upon where you live, even the word you use can lead to problems of miscommunication.
     
  4. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,633
    Likes Received:
    483
    Ratings:
    +483
    Ahhhhhhhhhh, My sister , Thank you for the warm offical welcome. I do feel at home. And I hope I can hold up to the positive example of so many insightful people that I've encountered already.

    Looks like you have a little something for everyone.

    My sister , Please know I created this thread for us to share and discuss different methods that we can exercise to communicate better. I don't look for perfection just betterment. I personally :hearts1: your site. And can only hope I can give half as much as I have received.

    Now, Errrrrrrrrrrrr, a lil later. I'll meet you in the chat room and we can work on my mic. lol **wink**

    Your such a warm insightful , lady !!!

    But errrrrrrrrr stop laughing at me. Imma get that mic workin !!! :SuN049:


     
  5. blkbutterfly41

    blkbutterfly41 Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2009
    Messages:
    1,633
    Likes Received:
    483
    Ratings:
    +483
    Hey Brother D !!!

    Miscommunication can cause so many problems. With our youths they are so creative and clever hiding things from their parents.

    ie- I confiscated my daughters cell phone and peeked at her text messages. Guess what ?? I still couldn't read it. It's coded with symbols. lol

    But I do beleive that we have to get back on track, if we are not hearing what is being relayed properly we can't fully gain from one another. Good communication is essential , With our elders, our mates, our children, and even on the job. It really has very little to do with educational background and more to do with enviroment in my opinion.

    What method do you use , exercise that makes communication better with you ??

    Thanks My brother






     
  6. decipherx1

    decipherx1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2009
    Messages:
    945
    Likes Received:
    379
    Ratings:
    +379

    sure no problem --peace.
     
  7. decipherx1

    decipherx1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2009
    Messages:
    945
    Likes Received:
    379
    Ratings:
    +379
    The only way (as for myself) that I can try to communicate w/ people better , is to extend my redaing on various subjects and cultures, and learn as much as possible about whats is going on w/ current events, I'm still a work in progress.:)
     
  8. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2009
    Messages:
    19,252
    Likes Received:
    5,505
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +5,560
    LOL!....You reminded me of a similar situation I had with a neighbor.

    He was from NJ and EVERY time he saw me he would say, "You alright?"

    And until his wife explained to me that was a normal "GREETING" for him, I was very perplexed as to why he kept asking me that! lol

    ...I would always tell him that I was "alright;" but I did start to wonder, "Is there something WRONG that I should know about?" :?: :lol:

     
  9. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2009
    Messages:
    19,252
    Likes Received:
    5,505
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +5,560
    ....and, conversely, when he first moved to the South, he didn't understand why people would just speak to him as he walked down the street, complete strangers, White and Black! (lol)

    Being from NJ, that was "Culture Shock" for him. (lol)

    He told me himself that he used to get MAD cuz these people were speaking to him and they didn't know him! (lol)

    ....Like..."What tha %@$# you speakin' to me for!" :whip:

    I laughed just as hard at him as he did at me.
     
  10. Astrologer4U

    Astrologer4U Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2008
    Messages:
    3,298
    Likes Received:
    484
    Occupation:
    Self Employed
    Location:
    California
    Ratings:
    +486
    I wouldn't call it estranged communication within this context that the topic is leaning towards because misunderstandings, miscomunications and mishaps even take place amongst people who speak the exact same language and share the same indegenous background, who have lived in the same home from birth into adulthood and have never been removed from their native backgrounds.


    Believe it or not, I am an advocate of healthy and affective communication but I am also a realist. One can not continue to sweep things under the rug because over time, a big huge lump becomes evident up under the rug. The bigger the lump, the more difficult to clean up and clean out the lump...

    [​IMG]


    In the above quote, the underlined part is what I am referring to, did you believe in that part before or after your browsing?

    This is in response to what I bolded in your first paragraph... Destee.com is an online community.


    These kinds of things happen all of the time, bad comunication between black folks. It happens with all people but for black people, there seems to be an imbalance in communication which seems to be a huge factor in preventing us as a people from getting ahead. I think a lot of it has to do with negative egos brought on by acting first and thinking last. The actions are derived from distorted perceptions. This is just my opinion, black folks need to reverse things, we need to think first and act last. When our perceptions are distorted, most of the time, especially if we have some concept of basic consciousness as displayed in this thread by posters, any distorted perceptions we have, we have them because we choose to and that is where the negative ego comes in.

    Any hoo, the more that we practice thinking first and acting last, the more instinctual we will become and when the time calls for it, our instincts will harmonize with our actions so much that we will be doing them both at the same time, and the results will be positive.


    Now that I got that out of the way (In an effort to get rid of the lump) I need to ask of BBF41, what was it that could have been done to prevent this from happening? I am sure Truthtothecause will have something to offer to this discussion as she is also an advocate of healthy and affective communication as well....

    What could have been done to prevent this, my perceptions wil be placed in bolde between quotes just to give an idea on why my intepretations, as well as other folks interpretations were as they were. I didn't add the conversation between you and PurpleMoons because you and Purple seem to have moved on, no dirt under the rug on that one.


    Quotes are in chronological order...

    BBF41 Responds to Truthtothecause on Pooling resources...



    At this point, perception energy is strongly present...


    After the apology was made, everything else that came after was un called for and everything else that came after shrank the credibility in the sincerity of the apology...


    Ut oh, that was a warning, that for the most part was nicely put considering the obvious careless attitude that was presented during the so called apology from you BBF41.


    What was that in response to???



    That looked like another warning which for the most part, still was not disrespectful so how should the warnings by Truetothecause be percieved???


    I don't get it, Truthtothecause gave you an oeverall for what she would appreciate being referred to but you insisted on (after it was reveiled that she was a woman) referring to her as hun (a term for bimbos). Why did she have to earn being called Sis Sistren??? When you thought she was a brotha, you referred to her as brotha and she hadn't done anything special to earn that term of endearment. I recall your telling me that you did not want me to refer to you as sister because you felt I was fake and that you preferred me to call you BBF41, that was just fine with me and since that day, I have referred to you as such.


    Now Truth becomes lady in addition to hun. Hmm, what all those insignificant name referrances can send to ones perception of the individual who shows no concern for respectfully referring to people.



    Belittle others??? Who was doing the belittleing?[/B]



    BBF41 responds to Astrologer4U's comment on Polyandry...







    Did I really seem as though it bothered me to a large degree that you called me "my dear brotha" even though I proceeded on with staying on topic and responding to your post in regards to polyandry being un natural? I dunno, could have been just an easy way for you to not respond to my post because you had no challenging post to respond with. *Shrugs* Thats just one of my many perceptions but it don't mean that my perception is correct, then again, that don't mean my perceptions are wrong either. As for staying on topic...I tried to stay on topic but it's kind of hard to do when you never responded to my response triggered by your post in regards to polyandry being un natural.


    Ut oh, I let my negative ego get the best of me because my ego don't do to well when not one, two but three people have been talked crap to for really no apparent reason. Oh well, perceptions are a mutha.












    Truthtothecause Gives Astrologer4U props for work with JahariKavi on staying focused with topic...






    Why do you have something to say about what another Sistren has complimented me on??? My perceptions could really take and run with that one.







    Thread where this all happened can be viewed here at this link...

    http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61649


    Ahh, your perceptions were correct, Truetothecause did feel as though you showed favortism towards the brothas and you confirmed that with your own words. My perceptions have helped me to understand why it is that you wanted for us to be brothas and not Sisers or Sistrens.


    In the end, Truth Purple and my self apologized to you for the obvious mishaps and what not. I had originally told you that your playful response to our apologies didn't seem sincere and made me think that there was still unfinished business. Seriously BBF41, I am not concerned with your apology any more because truthfully, one can apologize but still go around doing the same ole stuff. Actions speak louder than words so if we are to move on into the future with a clean slate, lets begin with the above quoted mishap that took place between you me and Truetothe cause. If you had or have to time to review, would you kindly express what it was that could have been done different to prevent from the above quoted matter from happening? I find that as black women, we have issues amongst each other as black women that we need to face before we can deal with our men. It's to many women showing examples of petty arguing to their sons as well as their daughters. Everything starts somewhere and as a result, there are some petty black men out there who feel as though that even though they show petty ways like Mama did, that they are still entitled to having the title of strong black men. If we are to move ahead, we gotta get rid of the lump. Black people as a whole were the only ones who were cheated out of reperations which to me was white folks sweeping what had been done to us under the rug. Don't you think we owe it to ourselves not to cheat each other as white folks have already done us? The cycle has gotta end and who's responsibility is that?



    BTW...I know you are probably saying to yourself, "geez, these people don't have anything else better to do but go back and find quotes, do these people have a life" I gather this based on some things you have said towards Clyde and True. Let me just say this, I am a very busy person as well, very busy, but when it comes to me and my people, I make time and nothing is to good or to bad for me to consider when it comes to my people.

    Astrologer4U
     
Loading...