Black Women : Enabling men

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by MsInterpret, Jan 21, 2011.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My boss and I were having a discussion and he said black women black men, especially the single women.

    He was saying that most black men who grow up in a single parent (single mother) home end up becoming dependent on women.

    Do you believe this to be true?
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Peace and Blessings Sister,

    I've heard this argument a lot ... that it is the Single Black Mother's fault ... that her Son takes what a Woman gives him.

    I don't know about that.

    I think it's the Single Woman's fault, for giving her stuff away to a man that she determines later, is undeserving.

    Whether it's that man, or some other man, she's just probably that kind of Woman, that gives her stuff up foolishly.

    If it wasn't that Woman's Son, it would be some other Woman's Son.

    Instead of the Single Sister looking at her own behavior, looking at how she willingly relinquishes her own stuff foolishly, to someone not deserving ... instead of her reviewing her own decision making processes ... she chooses rather to blame it on the Man's Momma ... someone who is actually out of the loop.

    I guess this is a way of looking at something ... but I doubt if it changes her situation any.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. lilpea

    lilpea Moderator STAFF

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    True or False?

    Greetings MsInterspret...

    I can't speak for all men ....but the ones in my family sure didn't, Mom taught us all sort of things just so that we wouldn't have to depend on a woman to make it....her words....God Bless the child that got his/her own...and to this day I truly believe that. I was taught how to wash, clean and cook. Later on in school I even took up some sowing classes. Don't laugh ...heck I made my own suits, slacks...and shirts... I love Art..and design so I followed that with hobbies like stain glass, needlepoint, anything I could find to keep my body and mind off the things that was going on in the streets. These things were like therapy for me. Plus it gave me a good income. Now I do needlepoints as presents for some of my friends and they love them ...both sisters and brothers. So to answer your question I would say Not for me.

    But lets be clear I truly enjoy the company of my fine sisters..as in ladies, lol

    Lilpea...:1on1:
     
  4. Blaklioness

    Blaklioness Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It depends on the mother....certainly not all single black women raise trifling sons.



     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister BlakLioness ... how does it depend on the man's mother ... if a woman chooses to foolishly give her stuff away to someone's son?

    How does any single black mother fit into this equation, to the degree that it's her fault?

    It could be said that someone raised a trifling daughter, that gives her stuff away to men that don't deserve it, but if she's an adult that aint her mother's fault.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Peace and Blessings Family,

    As I said above, I've heard this excuse so many times. Sisters wanting to blame SOMEONE ... ANYONE ... for their bad choices of standing by men that can't or won't stand on their own. That aint nobody's fault but the Sister that puts up with it, over and over again. That's on her. She needs to learn to stop letting men mistreat her, and if she doesn't, she'll keep doing this ... letting men use her ... and forever look for it to be someone else's fault.

    If a Sister is giving her stuff away ... her heart, love, sex, home, money, whatever ... and getting nothing in return ... that's on her ... and her alone.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  7. TXDiamond

    TXDiamond Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If I am not mistaken, I think BlakLioness was referring to the child's single mother. Not the child's grandmother. Now if BlackLioness was referring to the child's mother, then I am in agreement with BlackLioness. If the single mother raises her son to depend on her and not do for himself, then she has no one else to blame but herself. She must raise her son to be a responsible man who takes care of his family.

    However, even though a mother may raise her son to be a good man and do for himself, some still choose to do the opposite. I have seen brothers who have come from a good home with a mother who has taught them to be responsible. Yet, one of the brothers chose to live off women, while the other brother heeded their mother's advise.
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister TXDiamond ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :wave:

    I think I understood Sister Blak to mean the Mother and not the GrandMother, but since we're going back generations to lay blame on what the current adult generation is doing ... why not go back one more ... to the GrandMother?!

    It makes as much sense.

    No matter how a Single Black Mother raises her Son or Daughter, once they are adults, free to make their own choices, able to decipher right from wrong, responsible for their own actions ... you can't keep blaming stuff on the Momma.

    Black Men, and no doubt all men, do whatever women let them do.

    If a woman lets him take her money, honey, everything, and get nothing in return ... it says more about what the woman is lacking, than what the man is lacking.

    I have a Son and a Daughter ... and if my Daughter gets with a Man that takes her money, mistreats her, doesn't do right by her ... and she remains with him ... keeps giving ... stays for years, till she's tired, wore out, broke, and bitter ... she can't blame that on the Brother's Mother.

    She made those choices ... not his Momma.

    He showed her early on, what kind of man he was. She chose to stay, now she wants to blame it on his Momma?

    Please. That's on her. Any Sister. My Daughter included.

    Again ... these Brothers are only doing what Sisters let them do ... when Sisters don't want it anymore, it will stop.

    Thanks for joining us and please make yourself at home, because you are!

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I tell a lot of my lady friends who constantly complain about the men in their lives and i tell them that sometimes you gotta point the finger back at yourself
     
  10. Blaklioness

    Blaklioness Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hopefully I didn't misread her question, but my point had to do with the mother's childrearing tactics by and large. TXDiamond is correct in her assertion that you cannot ALWAYS guarantee how a child will turn out. However, in most cases, if a woman is in sole charge and is not careful about what messages she sends to her children (sons in this case), then, indeed, trifling offspring may well result.



    it's her fault?

    It could be said that someone raised a trifling daughter, that gives her stuff away to men that don't deserve it, but if she's an adult that aint her mother's fault.

    :heart:

    Destee[/QUOTE]