Another tale of the classic dysfunctional family… 5 people in one house, all on the edge of utter insanity I lived in a house baptized in misguided love… Flooded with pain, anger and fear… In this circus of craziness and abuse, my father was the ringleader. He was a former drug addict turned preacher, and shameless child abuser… From this background, all of us kids were sure to turn out to be losers 2 girls and one boy… Fortunately the girls turned out all right, But me… I never could do any good… I was a growing boy with an overwhelmed soul, how could I be understood? Constantly looking to be accepted, I became a bit of a class clown. Loved to make people laugh, so they would want me around… A rebellious spirit, that lived by little rules… Because of my behavior, I was moved in and out of different public schools… The teachers always said I was smart, but saw me as a misguided fool… The counselors couldn’t help me, I couldn’t get myself to tell them what I was going thru… I’ve had several homes, but my surroundings didn’t change me, I was always stuck inside my own zone… Searching… Searching for the love that I never received at home. The abuse that I endured from my father was insane… He ruled our house with an iron fist… there were times when I felt like I was his personal slave… The littlest mistakes would result in pain… This man just couldn’t control his temper. He even put me in the hospital once. All he wanted was for me to be a man, maybe go to college… But his desire for a better life was fueled by pain… Once the anger came he couldn’t stop it… Until one day he didnt stop until I was on the floor, in a pool of vomit… Now his little boy is in an ambulance, knocked unconscious… When I was a little boy, I was SCARED TO DEATH of my father… He tried to control me, and make me act proper… One day, my fear would turn to anger… Anger would bring strength… In time I would learn to stand up to my father like a man… But when that day came, it was a big fallout Which resulted in the me being kicked out… So now Im a young runaway… Inside my heart, there grew a hate for the whole world, I felt betrayed… Im alone on this cold night… Feeling lonely, as I watched the sunny sky turn to night… Thinking to myself, “****, now where am I gonna sleep tonight?” It was the middle of December, and I was freezing like ****… I tried to sleep outside, but it was cold as a *****… Just when the troubles of my life were starting to bring me down… I came across a man that happened to be walking around… Till this day, I still believe that he was sent to me by God… I didn’t know what to say to him, how could I just say “Im homeless and I have nowhere to sleep?” So instead of throwing my problems at him, I politely asked “Do you know where I can find some weed?” He said yeah, and we ended up smoking weed, and chilled for that night… Even though I just met this guy, he showed me a lot about life… We ended up having deep conversations about religion… Daily problems, and how black folks be living… After awhile, I felt comfortable enough to ask him if he knew a place I could stay for the day… He said “Yeah I got a place you could stay”… So I followed him home, not knowing where I was going… To my surprise, I found that this man was also homeless… This poor brother was reduced to living in a closet, A room that was no wider than 96 inches… I thought my life was hopeless, until I saw the way that this man was living… Room so small that you couldn’t even lay down, had to sleep in a sitting position… Instead of a bathroom, he had a soda bottle to piss in… Riddled with the little bit of clothes he had left… To me, living like this was worse than death… I went to sleep that night in a storage closet, feeling like a piece of garbage. The next day I thanked the man for giving me a place to rest my head... And in turn I gave some dollars that I had in my pocket... But after that night, I was determined to put up with any abuse that my father was giving… To me there was nothing worse than homeless living... Next night I called my mother, and said whatever I had to say for them to let me back in… Though my experience on this night was nothing less than rotten… I will always remember that for that night, I felt the pain of being homeless, and I vowed to myself that it would never be forgotten… So the next time my father pissed me off to the point that I thought I would burst… I would think back to the night I spent in a storage closet, and remember that things could always be worse.