Khasm13 : dreams...

Discussion in 'Khasm13' started by Khasm13, Feb 18, 2005.

  1. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    every man has a dream
    some dream of cream
    on a get that money...then bounce like a bunny scheme
    chase'n dead presidents like greenback fiend

    some dream of power
    cover'n the earth like a rain shower
    with a tight grip...rule'n from the black tower
    control'n others is on their mind every second of every hour

    some dream of skinz
    breakin backs and making da bed bend
    looking at the super models down to the chicken head hens
    always spittin game...not really worried about makin friends

    well...this man dreams of days serene
    spending quality time with a special one...not a team
    loungin in plush fields with a blanket...share'n a dish of rice and beans
    notice'n...it's always summer and the grass always stays green
    notice'n...her eyes that sparkle with that natural beauty gleam
    in this dream...we start a family with she being my queen
    and i her king...no need for words...she looks at my eyes an knows what i mean
    i dream of a steady foundation that doesn't sway or lean
    when the wind blows and me and she hear the cackle of the crows
    we both stand strong...because supreme love is our prose
    and we sing these stanzas daily...her touch can cure all that ails me
    where others have failed me...took my heart and jailed me
    her love is everlasting...and for the first time in my life...i'm not bailing

    but way past the crack of dawn...i must have missed listening to the roosters song
    i'm reminded that this is only a dream...and i've slept to long
     
  2. Ireadastory

    Ireadastory Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You know, I normally have so much to say that I am not allowed to say for understanding that my words may appear as negative. Now I have this great opportunity to say whatever I want within the rules and all I have to say is this: I really felt this piece. I felt what you were saying and how you felt as you were saying it. The only thing I could say that may seem negative is the way you spell your words. If this was going to be published by a mainstream publishing house they would ask you to edit the words to their english form but since mainstream publishing houses seem to almost never consider poetry you don't have anything to worry about. I really loved this piece not because it was so great (and it is) but that it is coming from the wants of a male perspective, that to me makes it more than wonderful.
     
  3. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The power of this piece lies in what dreams you have. On the strength of that alone, I give this poem my heartfelt embrace. :wave:
     
  4. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This was an awesome piece of work i wouldnt change a thing...now can ya come in chat...www.destee.com/chat and read this on yeah...:)

    The beauty of a dream so far off but yet close within in ones heart i really like this one very calm had me wishing and dreaming with you....Angel
     
  5. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hmmmm...

    Well...

    the poem read to me as,
    Money, power, sex...and then it went on to talk about what really matters.

    Okay...lets see...

    I wouldnt actually change anything already there but...it feels somewhat...incomplete. The first three stanza's were like an intro and then I got the rest of it but...in the end...it was all just a dream right? Thats it?

    You lead me THAT far into it and just....thats it???

    smh lol I feel like you have just told me you have a gift and you start to tell me all these things about it and what makes it so special and then...you just say...SIKE! smh

    dont get me wrong sweetie i like it but I get the urge to smack you smh lol
     
  6. flo-real

    flo-real Active Member MEMBER

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    I love this piece very Rough, and sensual all at the same time! I wouldn't chnage it. I enjoyed how you drove us all the way up to almost climaxing and then bringing us back down to reality!

    Good Job!

    Flo- Real
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    now i really like the three stanza's as it move inside a dream
    which lead me feel the beauty of two ....i wouldn't change a thing here
     
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