Poetry Critiques : Dookie Tooth

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by flo-real, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. flo-real

    flo-real Active Member MEMBER

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    yes you are fine as wine
    and stay decked out all the time
    from the top of your head to the sole of your feet
    but there is a problem baby....
    there is something in your teeth
    that I can smell through your cheeks
    and that bothers me
    I can't figure it out, but it's worse than a cavity
    wait.....I got it! it's something embedded in the roots.....
    It's a Dookie Tooth!

    The thing I don't understand is how all of your so-called friends
    titled you the man
    but behind your back saying
    Tyrone walk around thinkin he da truth!
    but...did you smell dat *****'s Dookie Tooth?

    So what you walk in da spot
    panties get hot...mouth's drop
    shows stop,
    but when you talk...smells like you been suckin on dookie pops

    Now don't get wrong
    I'm not talkin bout breath from the early morn
    or breath from smoking cigs or weed all day long,
    cause once you pop an altoid that smell is gone,

    But the kind you gotta stop and ask did you poot? ... and then suddenly remember naaww..that's the Dookie Tooth

    And why do all of your sentences have to start with the letter "H" "Hey" "How are you" "How was your day" and I wanna say I'd be fine if you stop breathing my way!

    Tellin folks "I don't know why she hatin
    cause if I give her some I got her"
    you may get me but you won't keep me
    cause yo breath! smells like hot dog water.

    Now I'm just tryna help a brutha out!
    but truthfully
    you need to get a colon cleanser for your mouth!

    poluttin da air like smog do!
    what you ask!.......the dookie tooth!

    Actin like you aint never heard of a bottle of scope
    what you need to do is run down to 7/11 and get a listerine big gulp

    See out kast was wrong for not tellin you that their song was really dedicated to you...
    cause yo breath smells like (singing) Boo Boowooohh!!

    So ladies if you get nausious cause he came behind your ear and whispered "Hey Boo call 911 cause you been attacked by the dookie tooth!
     
  2. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    dang...he might just have a severe case of halitosis....lol
    i've seen this poem somewhere before...u must have been on the net for awhile...this was funny as hell...i knew some women like this...
    ok...let's get into it...the one liners really did it for me on this joint...some of the rhymes could have been a lil better but for the funnyness factor...it outshined that by far and the different examples you gave flowed well...i would not change a thing with this piece...not at all...good job poet...

    one love
    khasm
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    this poem express reality of people
    and it took me in with the funny bone
    i like'd it a lot and see no change required
    nice flowing piece
     
  4. robryant1106

    robryant1106 Active Member MEMBER

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    I am at work, LMAO!!! This piece is too funny to change anything about it. I agree with Khasm that the rhymes were a little shaky a time or two, but who cares?? This poem was off da chain. Are you a comedian too?? Just wondering. :welldone:
     
  5. AHMOSE

    AHMOSE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Nice drop it has alot of pop.
    Now I hope some brothers will pop in some tic tacks or gum lol. :zipit:
     
  6. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    off the hinges.........

    Flo-Real, you remind me of my sister whose name is Flo also, that ish was hella funny, that sucka been eatin dookie-on-a-stick for lunch, then washed it down with a tall glass of ca-ca cola, dizaaaam. LMBAO RO(MF)F. Flow on poet.......

    Represent tha mighty might Sacra-mental cali-4-sho-nia.....LOL

    :cool:
     
  7. abstract219

    abstract219 ...standing on the shoulders of giants MEMBER

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    LMAO...yeppers....I know some fine dressed sistas with this same problem...I just fell out my chair laughin at this one...
    great drop...and very timely....
    especially funny when you talked bout him using any word beginning with "H"...oh my God that was funny.
     
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