Black People : Domestic Violence

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Kemetstry, Feb 27, 2009.

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  1. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    In light of the recent happenings between Chris Brown and Rhianna, I think we need to discuss this. In other sites, people have treated this like the abortion debate. Taking one side or the other, no in between. I would like to take a different tact:
    :argue:

    1. What is a toxic relationship? How do you recognize it and get out?

    2. Why do so many on both sides justify staying in them? I ask this because brothers are victims of DV, but we dont talk, at all!

    3. In todays PC society, are brothers ever asllowed to defend themselves?

    Ex. Brother stayed in a relationship for over two years. Largely, because it was the greatest sex ever, and she gave it up whenever he even thought about it. She had severe PMS. And the arguments and potention for and actual violence was obviously escalating. All logic said, this was a tragedy waiting to happen.........

    Lets talk and change the names if necessary. Just to protect the innocent. :lol: :uhh:


    :donttell:















     
  2. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Dear Brother Kemestry,

     
  3. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am also curious

    Oh yes, was her PMS actually diagnosed or speculated by observers?
    I ask because, it is a "manageable physical condition"?

    Brothers & sisters have to be real with one another. Relationships are work. But like our work they are meant to make us shine not shrink.
    If the nation is going to turn things around in the home we have to gather the tools to support one another. If we are unwilling or unable then it's better to be alone.

    We are looking for perfection in our mates but not within ourselves?

    From what I understand he (CB) received a phone call from another female pursuit when the argument started. Hmmmmpf. I don't like to use the word hate, but I d hate that behavior, it leaves a stink.

    Disrespect & insults do not cultivate peaceful waters.
     
  4. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:

    This sounds strikingly familiar to what white folks did to us as well:qqb022:


    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  5. mazimtaim

    mazimtaim Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't get it. I am not really sure what your position is. Can brothas protect themselves? Well. . .I guess. But I don't know if I have ever had to protect myself physically, from a sista. I mean, when it comes to fighting it wouldn't be a contest. So I don't fight them. I think one time a sista jumped me and I subdued her by sitting on her until I get a good running start. But, other than that, I would turn the lights off on a dude jumping me.


    ????????

    :uhh:
     
  6. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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  7. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    If I May venture cautiously out into the emotionally charged subject matter; i would first like to do so using your story as an example.
    If as you say your brother stayed with a womban for 2 years mostly because he liked her sexual performance, was that not a seed for toxicity in itself? Yes, he was in the relationship for the wrong reasons. Thus when things went south, he attempted to use those wrong reasons as a justification for staying

    Is is okay to stay with someone because you like their sex but are not in love with them? Is that a form of emotional betrayal, possibly abuse or maltreatment? Here I will agree to disagree. People stay with people for all manor of reasons other than love. In fact, in that love doesnt develope until sometime later. People can be together for some time.

    She's not a prostitute is she? She's his woman, and if he's not in it for love then what does he think he will sow? I think you are being pollyannaish here. Do you love everyone you have dated for an extended period? A year? 6 months? At 1st site?

    These brothers who sleep with a woman and don't think that how they truly feel about her won't come back to them are rather ignorant of the womban's nature. Her earth is her responsibility, to ensure that the seeds planted within her soul, her psyche and her body are loving and nurturing; not exploitive and draining. Ok, you're being rather one sided and judgemental here. Would it be better if I had said the woman stayed with the guy because she liked being taken out regularly? Because that does happen quite frequently. Let's stick to the topic please

    So in response t your question about what makes a relationship toxic, how about manipulation and dishonesty. Lack of agreement as to why you are together?
    Those things can make a relationship toxic. But in this case, the toxicity was brought about by the fact that she had severe PMS. During each episode, she would become increasingly aggressive and violent. Which he ignored because of the great sex.


    Just out of curiousity, did this couple sit down and make life plans together, goals that had them working together, invested in a future, or did they just take it as it came, sex first and planning after? I beilieve he asked her to control her PMS thru medication and do other things and he would marry her


    A relationship is toxic when it hurts you, when what you see and what you feel from that person is hurt or hurtful. Time to walk away.
    We come together to build each other up, not tear one another down. When you catch the evil eye it's better to take space and a lot of it.



    So are you saying sado-masochism is ok if no one complains?????

    :garbage::argue::pie::bomb:














     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Yes PMS is a manageable condition, but you cant tell many sisters that. :lol: :lol: :lol:















     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :garbage:





    So if a sister in her anger, went for the juggular or other more vital organs. ( Use your imagination here lol ) You're saying, you would just turn the other cheek?

    If she picked up a rolling pin and tried to whack you.....

    If she just sucker punched and bit you.....:pie: The point being, is there anything that would cause you to physically harm a female?
     
  10. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sorry Brother Kem,

    Hotep Brother Kemestry,

    According to Sister Caroline Shola Arewa, our sacral chakra is the sphere / our world / chakra of gravitational centering. It is from here "we process the forces of heaven and earth, using these energies to fuel our centre." Beneath the sacral chakra we have our earth energy. Right?

    Well Brother TrueWise7 educates us that the Nubian woman is EARTH.


    "

    Again Sister Caroline Arewa enlightens us about this Earth / Root Chakra that allows us to "manifest our dreams".
    And just above the sacral chakra or SEXUAL CENTRE is the solar plexus, with gives us ACTION.

    Now, if I was a physician, or healer and someone came to me asking me what to do about violence during pre-menstrual syndrome, and they also gave me the background that you did, I would suggest healing the sexual energies before fulfilling the role of sexual energy receiver.

    Afterall, during the sex act the female is RECEPTIVE.

    Sister Iyanla gives us the wisdome that:

    Whatever we hold in our heart the Mother, and our Mind the Father, during the sex act will be created in our lives.... sex in anger..., sex in confusion, sex in self-sacrifice... or unconscious sex...." These are all creative expressions that will manifest from our actions. When we act without LOVE, our center of SELF is unbalanced.

    Prescription medication will suppress her symptoms, but her body will then find other ways of expressing the imbalance. Since our intimate or
    (into-me-see) reflect back to us the nature of our beliefs and actions, it is to be expected that she will feel rage towards someone who came into her and saw only the opportunity to take her energy and not leave any love in exchange. I guess this is why I referred to it as prostitution.

    As you said, he took her out, and was this an agreed upon exchange. Because if it was, then there would be not hard feelings, when honesty prevails. Taking a woman "out" to socialize ought to be an act in itself that is mutually rewarding. He gets a friend to share the experience with, a feminine principle to compliment him, that in itself is a good thing no?

    I mean there are lots of men who cannot secure the company of a woman, and these men resort to paying for their "escorts". In this relationship from what I understand even the sex is negotiable, but it is also rather expected because the woman is already exchanging her time and attention for $$$, so she's not nearly as offended or enraged at the suggestion of her body / temple / in exchange for more money.

    Today's romantic relationships breed what I call promiscuous monogamy. Men and women try to get their needs met through a lens of WIFM mentality. This just won't work. Someone is going to get hurt.

    In terms of a PollyAnna attitude, may I suggest that we do not call names Brother Kemestry, we are above that in our communications.

    I do find your statements to contradict one another in relaying the INTENT of this young man. INTENTION is mad important with our relationships, not just the intimate type, but even our business and friends.

    It is here that the lair of the vampire lay or can be found

    As many spiritual and religions systems indicate, the world is a grid of energy. The Kabbalists state that we as huemans seek more energy. While we are supposed to ultimately cultivate our own energy and promote the healthy cultivation of it in others. A serpent entered our energy garden and made us aware of vampirism, the ability to suck, steal, seduce ($$$) energy from others. This is how the FALL came about, the participation in DEATH.

    Isn't it interesting that in vampire movies, the pale skinned, withered dead person walks or roams at night, but has the ability to disguise himself as attractive in order to seduce an innocent? He is supposed to be immortal, but in truth he has fallen outside of immortality, because immortality is ETERNAL LIFE. The vampire is ETERNALLY DEAD, so there's a huge lie right there about his / her power. The vampire is of course unable to withstand the light, and God's light is our main source of energy on this planet. It activates the right course of action in our solar plexus, and nurtures melanin development.

    As we continue to exist in the land of the walking dead, we tend to feel dazed with the sorcery around us, the distraction away from the light. Sex is a powerful distraction, and co-incidentally it's also a means of transacting DEATH. Hence why we have created / materialized STD's. These are another materialization of our beliefs/energy transactions that are now being re-balanced from the promotion of promiscuous monogomy.

    The Power of Intention is a wonderful book, one that illuminated to me the role that intention plays when we place our ATTENTION on another being, or project. If the man in this relationship had INTENDED to marry her, he certainly wouldn't be bragging to one of his friends that he is only with her for sex now would he? That's not usually how we speak of someone who is to be our significant other, our partner, our guidance and shelter from the storm?

    Before he considers BLAME as his main CHOICE, which originates in the sacrum as well, maybe he could consider that his own reflection of self is needing some love. Maybe he sees himself as a victim out there in the world where his IDEAS are RAPED from him in a corporate world that doesn't COMPENSATE / EXCHANGE FAIRLY the ENERGY HE BRINGS. Our Brother may be internalizing the feelings of anger, being exploited, and being taken advantage of. He sees his partner as a reflection of his own POWERLESSNESS and psychically exchanges this belief and this energy with her during copulation.

    I would suggest a purification on both sides before prescribing one of them with pharmaceuticals, the Devil's main means of controlling / manipulating energy in others.

    Like Sister India Aria sings:
    "Dont be offended this is all my opinion
    Aint nothing that Im sayin law
    This is a true confession of a life learned lesson
    I was sent here to share wit Y'all"

     
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