Black Relationships : Domestic Violence

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by atomicangel, Aug 19, 2004.

  1. atomicangel

    atomicangel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a question that I've been wanting to ask for a long time.
    For all my life, I've grown up around men who beat their wives daily or who try to control and hurt them through emotional, physical or mental abuse. I've seen it happen on many occasions and it really upsets me to think that someone who is supposed to love and care about you can do such hurtful things to you.
    All i want to know is why men do it. Don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to say that any of you guys do it, i just really want to know. I've tried to come up with conclusions but i still fail to understand.

    :luvv: Tasha
     
  2. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello AtomicAngel:

    Welcome to Destee.com, I hope you enjoy your time here...and consider becoming a premium member. To address your question:

    I wish I had a clear answer for you, but I have never laid my hands on a woman in violence (nor did I grew up in a home of domestic violence). As a result, I can not truly examine the mentality of spousal abusers. However I do know that domesic violence is a measure of control, and that men who do this take out their frustations on the women in their lives. I don't know if the reasons why are as important as recognizing the men who do this (and avoiding them at all cost). I don't know if I have been much help, but this is all I have to offer at this time.
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    men who do that are sick cowards, no more, no less.
    losers.
     
  4. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A toxic combination of being a controlling-low-self-esteem-having-COWARD, and growing up with very bad examples of how to treat someone you are supposed to love (parent-child, spousal, or other types of physical abuse).

    These are the kind of people that believe that fear = respect and know that there is nothing respectable or loveable about them so they beat their women to make them obedient and act like they love/respect the man. Women who beat men are the same way as are many parents to their kids.

    It is a sickness and a bad trend at the same time IMO.

    MrBlak (welcome to destee :rolling: )
     
  5. atomicangel

    atomicangel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for the replies, guys. :spin:
    And thanks for making me feel welcome too! :wink: ;)
     
  6. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good question. I think it's a little bit of being a coward and insecurity. Women who are with these men have to know their worth and leave the first time it happens. No one deserves a second chance after hitting a spouse. Honestly though...I have seen women swing on a man just as much...if not more...than I've seen a man hit a woman. I'm sure men hitting women is more common though. I would think. This happens in marriages and bf/ gf relationships. I've had women swing on me and I didn't hit them back but I grabbed them and held them down to make sure they knew that I wasn't some chick. Then I leave and lose the number. Bottomline.....if someone tries to hit you then they aren't the one for you.
     
  7. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I guess you can say that my marriagew was less than ideal. Not necessarily physically abusive (though we did having a shoving match once), but he certainly tried to browbeat me emotionally and verbally. Why? Because of his own insecurities and peceived failures. Like i said on another thread, he had this.. idea.. that fear = respect, and that if he could "scare" me, then I would respect him like as a man. I suppose that's another reason I'm currently going through a divorce.....
     
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