Black Relationships : Does Your Spouse Have an Internet Lover?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Aqil, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. Aqil

    Aqil Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2001
    Messages:
    4,029
    Likes Received:
    114
    Location:
    New York
    Ratings:
    +114
    By Wayua Muli

    Many people define infidelity as a physical act. For them, cheating is not anything to think about unless sex is involved. But most people who are truly dedicated to their partners will tell you that an emotional connection made with anyone other than their partner is still considered cheating. In fact, this is probably the most painful kind of infidelity - knowing that your partner has given more than just a few hours of their life to this other person, and is giving them love, consideration, time and commitment.

    And therein lies the biggest problem with Internet infidelity; the amount of emotional commitment and connection that goes on between two people.

    Primarily because Internet relationships are not founded on the physical, the participants have no choice but to connect on an intellectual and emotional level. Plainly put, you can't necessarily fall in love with someone you haven't laid eyes on. The nature of the communication - which is mainly conversation-based - allows people to see each other in a different way. They see each other as faceless beings who only exist on a psychological plane - allowing their hearts to connect before their bodies do. This is why a lot of people who fall in love with someone they meet on a dating site will be extremely disappointed to meet a partner in the flesh who doesn't measure up to the person they had built up in their heads.

    There are, of course, those for whom the Internet is a tool for sexual gratification. The most obvious of these is pornography. With its free access and anonymity, many people log onto X-rated sites to download and view. For those who would like a much more personal experience, there are chat sites dedicated to specific sexual fetishes; sites on which you can share erotic chat with like-minded people; sites where you can view or exchange pictures of yourselves, and even sites where you can watch pornographic shows made to your specifications. For such people, these sites become an addiction, taking away time, and sometimes money, that they should be spending with their spouses and families.

    The situation is so bad that lawyers are now starting to take Internet infidelity seriously as a reason to initiate divorce proceedings. But before we get to how to deal with a partner who has an internet lover, here are a few key signs that your partner may be having a virtual affair:

    Spends a lot of time on their computer...
    Admittedly, this can be tricky to track, especially because few such households in Africa have internet connectivity in the house. However, if you do have a computer or a laptop connected to the Web in the house, the signs will be pretty obvious. Suddenly, your partner will start spending long hours on the computer, especially late into the night. They may abandon things that they loved before - such as a favorite television program or weekend activities they used to enjoy with you - to spend time on the computer.

    (Another key pointer: If your partner suddenly minimizes the window when you walk into the room, something fishy is going on...)

    Spends a lot of time at the office...
    Some people, like doctors, mechanics and journalists, are duty-obligated to spend odd hours at their places of work. And then there are those whose jobs are more predictable, in that they come home in the evening and do not have to work weekends or travel extensively. Whatever the case, you can always tell the pattern of their working hours. If they start to log in more hours than seem necessary, they may be conducting a Web affair. Of course, there are many other reasons for people to stay in the office, so you should never use this in isolation unless you have solid proof.

    Won't let you access their e-mail account...
    Many people let their partners access their personal e-mail accounts. Some of them even share an account. If this is your situation, then watch for sudden changes in the way they let you access the account. Have they suddenly changed their password? Or opened a personal e-mail account when they have always shared one with you? There may be something they are trying to hide.

    Won't let you access their account...
    You have lived together for a number of years. You know each other's bank account numbers, salary details and private parts intimately...and they won't let you have the password to their e-mail account? Unless it is their office account that they are being protective of, there is almost no reason for this.

    Suddenly starts getting mysterious phone calls...
    Have they suddenly started receiving phone calls at odd hours, or walking away from you when they answer? This may be a sign of either real life or internet infidelity.

    Suddenly wants to try out new things in bed...
    If your predictable bed partner has suddenly started trying out new positions and ideas, he or she might just be downloading it from somewhere. Sometimes our own insecurities can make us think that our partner is cheating when they aren't. Make sure that your issues are not based on your own fears and worries, and try to find some concrete evidence before you attempt a confrontation.

    http://www.monitor.co.ug/wm/wm10209.php
     
  2. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    19
    Ratings:
    +19
    Talking sex with another person even if it's on the Internet is a form of cheating. Having an online friend in general is okay... even if you talk to them a lot.

    I have online friends... some female some male. I mean, as a work-at-home mom, the Internet tends to be the only means that I can get communication with adults other than my husband or mother. It is a good release for those that aren't out in public as much. But I would never, ever have a 'friend' that I would talk sex with... to me that is just wrong.
     
  3. soblessed

    soblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2004
    Messages:
    358
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    VA
    Ratings:
    +8
    He better not. I agree with karmashines. Talking about sex online is wrong not only that you are opening the door for temptations to come right on in. My husband and I have access to each others email.He has no reason not to trust me.
     
  4. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2005
    Messages:
    4,201
    Likes Received:
    118
    Ratings:
    +118
    HMM.........TOUGHIE

    I think soft flirting is harmless, as long as you know your boundaries.:coffee:
     
  5. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,904
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical Analyst
    Location:
    ATL SHAWTY! Mr. Coli Park
    Ratings:
    +38
    I think Soft Flirting is the reasons why people have internet lovers.

    If people avoid situations, that will lead into cheating they will be able to circumvent these issues.

    And why can't you soft flirtly with your spouse? Why does it have to be an outsider.
     
  6. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2005
    Messages:
    1,221
    Likes Received:
    7
    Ratings:
    +7
    Well, for both Muslims and Christians this would be a great sin.


    Muslims are commanded to not even go NEAR "zina".
    Certainly a married person flirting with someone other than thier spouse.....teasing...qualifies as going near adultery.


    Christians were told that just looking upon someone in lust is committing adultery in the heart.
    If this is the case, then certainly flirting with those you aren't married to would be considered adultery.
     
  7. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2004
    Messages:
    6,458
    Likes Received:
    1,282
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Author
    Location:
    Where the Niger meets the Nile
    Ratings:
    +1,290
    I have to agree. One must make a lot of deliberate choices and conscious efforts to get to the point where you can't help yourself. But all the time your telling yourself that you won't go that far. When you rationalize (tell yourself rational lies) you will get there.

    By the way, she's beautiful. Ya done good, brotha Man!
     
  8. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,904
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical Analyst
    Location:
    ATL SHAWTY! Mr. Coli Park
    Ratings:
    +38
    Thanks Sister River.
     
  9. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2005
    Messages:
    4,201
    Likes Received:
    118
    Ratings:
    +118
    O.K.....

    If this was directed toward me:

    1) I am not yet legally married.

    2) Most younger people my age still find it intriguing to see if they still 'got it like that'.

    3) It's fun.

    4) I'm no bimbo who will leave her mate for the first man online who makes her blush.
     
  10. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,904
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical Analyst
    Location:
    ATL SHAWTY! Mr. Coli Park
    Ratings:
    +38
    Spicey.

    I do not have the time to direct comments to you. My Posts are for any readers of the thread to engage conversation. I would be wasting key strokes trying to attack you, I am not childish madamoiselle. If I had something to say to you I would quote you directly.
     
Loading...