Black People : Does our desire to raise "independent" children put them at a financial disadvantage?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by CreativeGrl, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. CreativeGrl

    CreativeGrl Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hear black parents (actually American parents in general, but since this is a black discussion board, I'll stick to how it pertains to us) talk about wanting to raise self-sufficient, independent kids. Dad sticks his chest out with pride and mom brags to her coworkers about how their son or daughter got their first job, went out and got their own place, bought a new car, and are supporting themselves. They say things like:

    "As soon as they turn 18, they gotta go."
    "They've got to learn how to fin for themselves"
    "I've done my job, I've put in my 18 yrs."
    "It's time to cut the apron strings."
    "We can't wait to have an empty nest again".

    Young adults, and especially men, are quickly shunned in our community for living with their parents after the age of 20. They are viewed as being less than successful or called mamma's boys. People start to question them. "Why are they still livin' up under mom & dad? What's wrong with them?

    But people from non-American cultures don't think like this at all. They have no problem with their children living with them well into their 20's, even their 30's. They actually encourage it. Now don't get me wrong. When a young adult gets a job and lives at home, they should definitely contribute to the household expenses, but they then have the vast majority of that money to save and invest, as opposed to throwing it away on an apartment, furniture, a new car, stuff that will only depreciate in value. So by the time they get married or go out on their own, that money has already gained some interest. They have something to show for that work. They have a good nest egg from which they can buy a house, pay off student loans, use for retirement, or even support mom and dad in return for supporting them all those years.

    We are so quick to push our kids out into the world in the name of "independence", but then when we become elderly we end up living in poverty because we're broke, the kids are broke, the grandkids are broke, and nobody has the resources to properly take care of anybody.

    We have very little to no generation wealth in our community. Why aren't we (and our children) willing to forgo independence for the sake of improving our financial status? Isn't it time we re-evaluated this mindset?
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I couldn't agree more.....They should know all about the morals and fibers when becoming
    independently, the world of responsibilities they will face , and better help them be prepared
    for what's out there , how to money manage / invest and save for there future.

    Just like when i step out into the world , my parents always told me , If ever need be the doors
    always open to Home .
    I do think we push our children out too fast and they really not ready which make them
    somewhat unstable with little security, and on the other hand i've seen some young adults go out
    and become financially stable and a good secured nest, this came from an early start within the
    home with parents who had teached the pros and cons on being independently and financial rerady.
     
  3. Ankhur

    Ankhur Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    that is true about our collective wealth but what does that have to do with leaving the nest?

    In traditional African societies 500 yers ago adulthood was at 16 or 17, one got married and set up ones own household
     
  4. Ankhur

    Ankhur Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    that is true about our collective wealth but what does that have to do with leaving the nest?

    In traditional African societies 500 yers ago adulthood was at 16 or 17, one got married and set up ones own household
     
  5. CreativeGrl

    CreativeGrl Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Traditional African societies had a much broader sense of community. Married couples were still part of the tribe. People within a tribe always took care of others within that tribe. If one had wealth, the entire tribe had wealth. They didn't have this "your on your own kid, see ya later" type mentality like we have in America.

    They also went straight from living with their parents to being married. There wasn't this long time period of living single (and paycheck to paycheck) like many of us do here. And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the men in most ancient African cultures have to present gifts to the family of the bride-to-be to show her parents that he was able to provide for their daughter? Wouldn't he need to prepare for this before leaving his parents house to marry?

    It was actually an African man and his wife that prompted me to think about this topic. This man's younger brother moved over here from Africa recently, got a job, and is living with him and his wife until he either marries or can afford to buy a house of his own.
     
  6. Ankhur

    Ankhur Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    the sad fact of the matter regarding the economy is that within all races and ethnicities, grown children are moving back with their parents and parents are moveing in with their grown children.

    Until we adopt a paradiogm of collective economics , this situation will only get worse.
     
  7. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have got to say I am greatly impressed with your assessment here and how it ties into generational wealth.

    If done correctly, it is absolutely in the best interest of young adults to remain under their parents roof and umbrella of authority until married. The tendency, however, is for young adults who live with their parents is to fall into an unproductive rut. Rather than taking advantage of that time to build a strong foundation for life, they will sleep late, play video games, etc. etc.

    If they remain at home and work a full time job, save at least 25% or more of their income while not having to pay many of the bills that come with "independence" they can do very well in life.
     
  8. CreativeGrl

    CreativeGrl Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree. This economy might force us to start thinking this way. One of my ex coworkers is Indian. She's in her late 30's / early 40's. She moved back in with her parents a few years ago after getting laid off.
     
  9. Proverbs31Woman

    Proverbs31Woman Be kinder than necessary! MEMBER

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    A missing piece of the puzzle is you have to have a great amount of respect and some humility to abide under someones roof past your youth. We can't even discuss the economic factor when many can't get past the pride.
     
  10. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Of course, I would have to be the one to spoil the party and add a somewhat somber spin to an otherwise idyllic, utopian thought.

    I can understand and appreciate the rationale behind having the "kids home past youth", but I say it only works if the kid(s) have that thought - one of working to better themselves in life. All to often, the scenario is not one of the child staying home to progress his or herself, working a job or planning a business venture, saving up and proportionately contributing to the household expenses and upkeep. No... Many times, the setup is the underemployed or unemployed child stays at home past his/her youth accomplishing next to little or nothing besides a pile a dishes or past due bills. I've seen it where such a situation places severe strains on the family fabric, causing tension if not all out resentment.

    So I would say yes.... if the child is able to man up or woman up and take care of their responsibilities as an adult, help out to increase the quality of life of everone involved, such an arrangement is ideal. However, personal and close friend experience has shown me keeping the child at home could also be a detriment to everyone involved. Sometimes, it's best for the bird to fly the nest in order to live.

    I've known cousins I've allowed to stay with me and my family, who become angry because I tell them they need to contribute the grocery shopping since they are now working. One cousin ran my cable bill up purchasing 5 hour time blocks of porn and spending his money on porn, weed and cigarettes, insteading of saving it up or sending some back home to support his young daughter. I've seen it all too often. From my family and friends to my wife's.

    On a personal note. I was once a lazy slacker living at home with my mama, labeled a mama's boy. My family wouldn't mess with me. I worked but because I didn't have many bills I didn't appreciate the money I had. I didn't save jack. A few times, my mom had to pay my car note, especially if it was more than 30 days late. So basically, I was at home with mama broke. I was afraid to move out because I thought I couldn't make it. I moved out once and became homeless, standing in souplines for food. However, that was temporary and for over seven years now, I haven't been late on any bills - no utilities cut off, no worries about gas for my car or are concerns where my next meal will come from. I have a significant savings, oftimes sending money to family members. I presently live a life that when I was living with mama I thought was impossible or only a dream. I started off small, living in a > 500 sq ft studio in a low income neighborhood with only a futon couch, a plastic picnic table, and a 11 inch computer monitor for my TV. I currently have two houses - one that is over 4,000 sq ft. I give thanks for everything that has come my way.

    I am thankful for those nights I laid in bed, forcing myself to go to sleep hungry. Those days I had to walk 4-6 miles to get home after making just $35-50 a day at day labor places cleaning off bird poop and brushing spider webs from storage rooms or hauling beer kegs and beer pallets down into restaurant cellars or liquor store storage rooms fresh off a liquor truck. I struggled, but I appreciated everything. Walking in the blazing heat to find a job that plays a dollar more with old dress shoes that rub my pinky toe raw. The struggle fed my ambition and my ambition fueled my subsequent success. I felt accomplished each step along the way. The struggle is so in me.

    I learned that life is a sacrifice - for everything you want out of life, you must be willing to let go of something. I've let go of alot of things, but what I've gained is far more greater. I gained character and a strong belief in myself that I am capable of doing what I put my mind to and I am able to survive. I am no longer afraid of life. I embrace it, for the good or the bad.

    So ultimately, this type of arrangement depends on the person involved. For me the best thing was leaving home.
     
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