Black Relationships : Do You Need Closure

[river]

Closur--the official end of a relationship. It leaves both parties with a clear understanding that what they had is over and they can move on with their lives. Sometimes this can be a conversation, the return of some gift or the performance of some act known to be fatal to the relationship--if you do that it's over; then they do that.

But suppose there is no closure? Suppose things just fade out. Suppose something is different that you can't quite put your finger on and the opportunity to ask is taken away? Suppose the person just leaves?

Can you just say well forget it and carry on with your life? Can you give yourself closure without the other person's help?

 

[ladylibra]

Closur--the official end of a relationship. It leaves both parties with a clear understanding that what they had is over and they can move on with their lives. Sometimes this can be a conversation, the return of some gift or the performance of some act known to be fatal to the relationship--if you do that it's over; then they do that.

But suppose there is no closure? Suppose things just fade out. Suppose something is different that you can't quite put your finger on and the opportunity to ask is taken away? Suppose the person just leaves?

Can you just say well forget it and carry on with your life? Can you give yourself closure without the other person's help?

this is a good question sister river!

most of the time i've ended the relationship but when i had questions regarding his behaviour i'm not certain that i got real & honest answers so i had to come to my own closure. what i don't like is when people tell you things after you've broken up with someone...what good is this piece of imformation when we're no longer together? it kinda takes an edge off of the closure BUT at the same time answers some questions that were not addressed.

 

[panafrica]

I agree with LadyLibra, this is an excellent question River! I think that closure is an important part of ending a relationship, but it isn't necessary for one to move on. Bring closure to a relationship: having the "let's see other people/we've grown apart" talk or returning personal items takes a great deal of maturity & concern about someone else's emotions. Quite frankly I've seen few people actually do this. As a result it becomes necessary for one to bring about their own sense of closure...the importance of which is "time". The expression that times heals all wounds, is very true & important in this situation!

 

[Monetary]

Closur--the official end of a relationship. It leaves both parties with a clear understanding that what they had is over and they can move on with their lives. Sometimes this can be a conversation, the return of some gift or the performance of some act known to be fatal to the relationship--if you do that it's over; then they do that.

But suppose there is no closure? Suppose things just fade out. Suppose something is different that you can't quite put your finger on and the opportunity to ask is taken away? Suppose the person just leaves?

Can you just say well forget it and carry on with your life? Can you give yourself closure without the other person's help?

This is a very good question. I don't need closure. A woman's action is good enough for me to let things go and move on.

As Ladylibra was saying, some people need that closure. I know a woman who's been divorced a couple of years now. She still wants to know why he wanted out...why they couldn't work it out? In her mind, he just woke up one day acting stupid. But, we all know better than that. There were signs. She was just ignoring them. It's very difficult for her to bring the marriage they once had to closure because he won't answer those questions for her. smh

I've met several women with this problem. Don't get me wrong. Men have this issue too. The thing that surprises me is that with all of the bad treatment from name calling and physical abuse to cheating and having children out of wedlock and things of that nature, they still want to talk about it to get closure. They just won't leave.

Hope is very powerful. And, the mind is a fickle thing. Guard yours with your life.

Peace.

 

[river]

Gee I would think that a divorce constitutes the "performance of some act known to be fatal to the relationship." I guess different people have different thresholds for knowledge.

And I guess Killed in Action is easier to deal with than Missing in Action as far as allowing a person to move on.

But y'all right some things you have to do whether a person "allows" you to or not. It's about what you allow yourself to do anyway.