Black Relationships : Do You Need Closure

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by river, Aug 3, 2005.

  1. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2004
    Messages:
    6,458
    Likes Received:
    1,282
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Author
    Location:
    Where the Niger meets the Nile
    Ratings:
    +1,290
    Closur--the official end of a relationship. It leaves both parties with a clear understanding that what they had is over and they can move on with their lives. Sometimes this can be a conversation, the return of some gift or the performance of some act known to be fatal to the relationship--if you do that it's over; then they do that.

    But suppose there is no closure? Suppose things just fade out. Suppose something is different that you can't quite put your finger on and the opportunity to ask is taken away? Suppose the person just leaves?

    Can you just say well forget it and carry on with your life? Can you give yourself closure without the other person's help?
     
  2. ladylibra

    ladylibra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2005
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2

    this is a good question sister river!

    most of the time i've ended the relationship but when i had questions regarding his behaviour i'm not certain that i got real & honest answers so i had to come to my own closure. what i don't like is when people tell you things after you've broken up with someone...what good is this piece of imformation when we're no longer together? it kinda takes an edge off of the closure BUT at the same time answers some questions that were not addressed.
     
  3. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    I agree with LadyLibra, this is an excellent question River! I think that closure is an important part of ending a relationship, but it isn't necessary for one to move on. Bring closure to a relationship: having the "let's see other people/we've grown apart" talk or returning personal items takes a great deal of maturity & concern about someone else's emotions. Quite frankly I've seen few people actually do this. As a result it becomes necessary for one to bring about their own sense of closure...the importance of which is "time". The expression that times heals all wounds, is very true & important in this situation!
     
  4. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2002
    Messages:
    3,299
    Likes Received:
    182
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Economist
    Location:
    Detroit, MI
    Home Page:
    Ratings:
    +236
    This is a very good question. I don't need closure. A woman's action is good enough for me to let things go and move on.

    As Ladylibra was saying, some people need that closure. I know a woman who's been divorced a couple of years now. She still wants to know why he wanted out...why they couldn't work it out? In her mind, he just woke up one day acting stupid. But, we all know better than that. There were signs. She was just ignoring them. It's very difficult for her to bring the marriage they once had to closure because he won't answer those questions for her. smh

    I've met several women with this problem. Don't get me wrong. Men have this issue too. The thing that surprises me is that with all of the bad treatment from name calling and physical abuse to cheating and having children out of wedlock and things of that nature, they still want to talk about it to get closure. They just won't leave.

    Hope is very powerful. And, the mind is a fickle thing. Guard yours with your life.

    Peace.
     
  5. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2004
    Messages:
    6,458
    Likes Received:
    1,282
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Author
    Location:
    Where the Niger meets the Nile
    Ratings:
    +1,290
    Gee I would think that a divorce constitutes the "performance of some act known to be fatal to the relationship." I guess different people have different thresholds for knowledge.

    And I guess Killed in Action is easier to deal with than Missing in Action as far as allowing a person to move on.

    But y'all right some things you have to do whether a person "allows" you to or not. It's about what you allow yourself to do anyway.
     
  6. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,008
    Likes Received:
    35
    Ratings:
    +35
    yes i believe...

    that everyone needs closure even the ones who think they dont need it....


    people bring things with them into another relationship...



    because they didnt have a good closure.....


    and thats why there is so much drama in relationships...
    big drama,s


    in tha bible god talks about ""what will be bound on earth ......Will be bound i heaven..

    what will be unbound on earth will be unbound in heaven....



    Today i just heard of a cousin about a relationship she had ....with a man...
    and she left him because she heard that he had another relationship
    and he had....
    she left .....just one day dissapeard out of his life ...and he had two marriages who failed because he still wanted to talk to her.....and she was still in his head.....


    there are casses where people block the other for having closure in other to keep them on a string.........(the tought of this makes me so angry)

    in that case i make shure i,ll have closure by myself....(i hope other would do that to give youre self life and to move on)
    yeah what if this person dies than you would be still looking for answers wich happend with a sister friend of mine...
    she still had questions but the brother died....
    ones she had closure ....
    she met someone new in her life....





    there are also casses that when people didnt have a good closure it turned out to be years later that they still loved echother....
    or that there was a big truth kept under wich made them separate wich if it was brought out then would make them not separate....














    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
  7. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,008
    Likes Received:
    35
    Ratings:
    +35
    you know ....


    some brothers can realy leave you with a thought......








    what did i do...
     
  8. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,008
    Likes Received:
    35
    Ratings:
    +35
    i think i need closure....



    closure ...

    after i just had another closure..




    i think i need another closure...




    i think i need to go away for a while....
    somthimes you just want to go away and go to a place...
    where you dont think about that person that remind you of things ....






    i hope lord will give me guidance to do that..
    the things i need to leave this place ....
    the change ....

    to fly away...












    LoveAuroraflower:heart:
     
  9. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2002
    Messages:
    3,299
    Likes Received:
    182
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Economist
    Location:
    Detroit, MI
    Home Page:
    Ratings:
    +236
    LibertyLady

    Some people will not give you anything. I refuse to tie up my life just because someone won't tell me why they no longer want to be in a relationship with me...or why they cheated on me? There are some things in life I just hold as true. Loving myself is one of them. I refuse to hurt myself because of someone else's issues...from past relationships or newly developed.

    In a way, I understand what you're saying about everyone gets closure, whether it's from the person you're involved with or you give it to yourself. If you cheat on me, I'll give closure to myself. That's why I lay everything on the table so that you'll know what my response will be when certain things happen. I believe in commitment. I give very few second changes. And how I reply to things depend on the person's intent...not what they say. They'll say they didn't mean it but continue to do it. It is up to ME to stop this because they won't. Trust me...THEY WON'T.

    Love yourself...give yourself closure...and move on.
     
  10. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2004
    Messages:
    6,458
    Likes Received:
    1,282
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Author
    Location:
    Where the Niger meets the Nile
    Ratings:
    +1,290
    I have many teachers but out of them all you are the deepest and most practical.

    When Money talks I listen.

    Keep doing whatcha doing, Sugah
     
Loading...