Black Relationships : Do you have any responsibility to honor someone else's relationship?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Destee, Feb 26, 2002.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    If you know someone is already in a relationship and don't personally know their significant other ... do you have any obligation to respect that relationship and not "carry on" with them? Or do you think it's completely on them and you're free to do whatever they allow?

    Especially considering ... you've made no vows to anyone?
     
  2. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Destee..

    no..I don't think you are obligated to respect someone else's relationship..if he/she is what you want and they make themselves available, then you can take whats on offer, if you're inclined to do so..it's he/she, who's out there prowling that needs to respect the relationship..

    on the other hand, you have to sleep at night, knowing what you've done, taking part in his/her deception/betrayal and knowing you took part in maybe ruining a relationship/marraige and maybe even helped split a family unit apart....and it's you who has to live with the consequences of your actions...

    we only do what we wanna do!!

    K
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i'm wit Kem 100% on dis here
     
  4. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kem

    although I 'd like to say it all boils down to respect...thats an emotion that so many people today do not place any importance upon..

    I never said not respecting anyone else's relationship was the right thing to do, but in answer to the question, I have to say that it is the responsibility of the committed person to ultimately respect their spouse enough not to cheat and to honour their relationship...we are by nature, predators, it's a basic instinct..so some of us prey on others, and some of us do not stop to think if it is right or wrong...

    then again, if you are in a relationship, and another woman/man, not your spouse, decided they wanted you, all you have to do is say NO....then there is no problem, no cheating..in other words you have repected your relationship to the point where you could walk away and not let yourself be tempted...

    I never said, "do unto others before they do unto you"..the question was whether you have a responsibility to respect anothers relationship, not whether you think it is morally right or wrong to have sexual relations with a person who has a spouse already...

    and Kem, while my statements may sound selfish, they are certainly not narsissistic, I was not only thinking of myself, I was merely placing the responsibility where it should be placed, in the hands of the one who is committed...if we each look after our own..no problem!!!

    K
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    yes K ya right every one should track their own ground
    and do da right thing!..............sistah ya on point
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Thanks Yall for responding ... Kitana ... I know that the person(s) involved in the relationship has an obligation and if they honored it there would be no need for this question.

    But if they don't honor it, do you feel any obligation to do so? Personally?

    The reason that I asked the question is because it seems that so many don't feel that any respect or consideration should be given to the person who holds the position of lover, spouse, significant other ... in the lives of those we want to "carry on" with. I think that there would be less cheating if we as human bengs gave the consideration that is due to our Sisters and Brothers, regardless of if we know them ... simply because they are human beings that are due this basic consideration.

    I guess my point is, I don't have to know my Sister, to know that she is my Sister and if he is still with her ... then I should not be. Period. I really do feel as though I owe her that consideration, and it makes no difference if she's not willing to give me the same, because it's not all about her ... but me as well ... like you said ... I'm the one who has to live with the decisions I make. And like you said too Kitana, folk do exactly what they wanna do ... this just happens to be me doing me. :)

    Again, thanks for responding yall.
     
  7. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Destee

    from a personal point of view and not speaking in general..if a man who was in a committed relationship wanted to take our aquaintence a little further, I would tell him to go home to his wife/girlfriend whatever, and talk it over with her because I'm not interested...

    speaking as a wife, I know how it would make me feel if some other woman was involved with my husband, but I would blame him before her, because he is the one who made promises to me, not her...thats not to say I wouldn't envision doing all sorts of things to her to make her pay, but he would be at the receiving end of my initial anger and all the feelings that would come with it..

    I would like to think it possible for everyone to have enough respect for others to act accordingly, but it just doesn't happen that way, so the best we can do is take care of our own business and hope for the best...

    K
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Yes Kitana, I agree with you 100%. I think it's a shame that there will probably never be a time where the majority respects what belongs to another. We often talk about men cheating, the pain it causes the women they love, etc., but a man could not cheat if a woman did not let him lay with her. A woman that oftentime knows the pain her actions will cause. I am not understanding why more of us can't simply respect each other enough to choose not to cause our Sisters pain ... irregardless of what her man may want to do. Yes, I'd like to think it possible but it does not seem likely. As time moves on, people seem to care even less.

    Thanks Sis for sharing your thoughts on this one.

    Destee
     
  9. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kem

    in response to Destee I was talking from a personal point of view..in answer to the initial question I was talking from a general point of view..and I still stand by my first response..we cannot rely on someone we don't know to safeguard our relationship, but we should be able to rely on our partner to do it..

    if keeping our relationships intact is solely reliant on the hope that the other woman/man, will have enough respect for the unseen spouse, to stay away from our partner, then more often then not our relationship is doomed to fail....because some people just do not have the respect to do that...but I should be able to rely on the man I lay beside every night, and who has professed to love and care for me, to say no and walk away...

    and Kem..the days of "not coveting anything that belongs to thy neighbours", is well and truly over for most people..and even though there may be "a reason that certain rules do exist", they are not abided by or adhered to, for the most part...and as for "each person is not allowed to travel on a journey that wreaks havoc on those they come in contact with"...tell that to the millions of people committing crimes of every kind, every second of every day....like it or not, we live in a dog eat dog world..where respect, morals, compassion and empathy for our fellow man are fast becoming traits that the minority of the population know the meaning of...

    and in this world of sexual freedom, that even the threat of AIDS hasn't put a stop to, women and men are finding sex partners readily available wherever they turn...most of them most probably don't even remember the name of the person they had sex with, and they most probably don't even give a thought to the spouse waiting at home, it's become as routine as shopping at the grocery store for some of them...

    So..is she obligated to respect my relationship?..NO..Is he obligated to respect our relationship?..**** straight he is...

    K
     
  10. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kemetstry

    believe it or not you just made my day...

    "that is a very jaded and cynical point of view for one so young"..sorry Kem..but I'm not so young...and I do respect other peoples relationships...I was bought up to respect other people and to know the difference between right and wrong, and to have good moral values..that's why I said on a personal level, I would never touch a committed man..and I've been married to the same man since I was 17..we survived because we took care of our relationship..

    and the breakdown happens because we are not staying at home looking after our own..relationships and families need love and care and time to work..we can only insure that by taking care of them ourselves..it all starts in the home...

    K
     
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