Do You Have A Favorite Child?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by cocobutterskyn, Nov 6, 2001.

  1. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As parents are we incline to choose a favorite of our children?

    And if so, do you display that favoritism opening among the other children?

    Do you believe it's a conscious decision to bond with a particular child, or is it the special needs of the child which brings about favoritism?

    Do you think it balances out when the children become adults?

    Madd Sistahly Love :heart:
    CCBSKYN
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    YESSSSS!! I DO

    BOTH ! JUST THAT SIMPLE.....
    WHEN THEY GROW IT WILL AFFECT A CHILD
    COZ THEY FEEL U LOVED THE OTHER MORE THEN HE/SHE
    SO LOVE EACH CHILD THE SAME SO NO BLAME BE SET FORTH
    ON YO NAME IN THE END....
     
  3. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Coco

    I am a mother of three..so therefore have three favourites..

    To tell the truth I cannot see why a parent would even think of playing favourites, it's so undfair...

    I've often found it interesting/amusing that all three of my children come from exactly the same gene pool, have the same background, the same opportunities, and can be the same and yet so diifferent at the same time...

    I am a firm believer in quality time with your children both as a family and as individuals...and have always encouraged my children to always respect each others privacy and quiet time..

    in each child I see differences that makes him/her stand out from the others, and so many like things that bind them as one...

    to me, playing favourites can only be detrimental to the well-being of the child and the realtionship between the children, and the children and the parents...If a parent did show favouritism, I don't think this would balance out as an adult, because the damage would be done...the repercussions, ie..friction,resentment
    or bad vibes between the children would carry over, so would the feeling of the other children who weren't the favourite, towards the parents...

    I think also that you are required as a parent to love equally and fairly, and there are no exceptions to the rule...

    k
     
  4. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    $RICH$ & Kitana, Thanks for your replies

    I have discuss this topic with many of my friends and some co-workers. Some admitted to having a favorite child among their children. My sister and I have talked about this many times. She has told me I favor my daughter, I strongly disagree. I can admit I do favor my son.
    After reading your post, and absorbing it. I've come to the understanding that favorite isn't the correct word. However after explaining my point of view you may feel the same about your opinion.
    I have a closer bond with my son.....I don't know why. Reflecting the past...I have only 2 explanations.....The first: When my son was born, my husband and I decided I would not return to work. Though this arrangment was only to be for a year, due to poor child care center choices.... it lasted 5 yrs, until he enter the school system. During those years he and I were 2 peas in a pod. Second: My husband was always tougher on our son, so I felt he needed more love from me.

    When my daughter was born, I only stayed home a year, because the child care was being provided by a family member and we felt secure. My husband and daughter developed a bond..... for reasons I now understand, she and I didn't connect as well.....the reason....I think she felt abandoned when I left the home to work.

    The funny thing is, my son says, I treat my daughter better and she says, the opposite. I say, they're just trying to play me to get what they want. NOT! Without a doubt I love both equally and they know I love them.

    I don't believe I'm a poor parent. In fact, I know I've done a pretty good job. I have 2 well adjusted children, well mannered, intelligent, leaders, loving and responsible.. My son seems to have made it through his transition into adulthood, he's now enrolled in school,working and back on the right track. GIVING THANKS TO GOD!
    Speaking of transition, I wish that thread would have gone further. I believe many could receive helpful information. I know I did.

    Do you think a better description would be, closer bond, rather than favorite?


    Madd Sistahly Love :heart:
    CCBSKYN
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    YEAH!!

    a closer bond to ya son as well
    yet ya husband also close to the gurl
    most men always closer to their baby gurl
    and tough on boys so motherly u step in
    to con/sol him and he bonded into yo lovin touch
    yet both know yo love for them as daddy's love too

    sure they play the game of ((u like him/she better
    to get what they want ......me i have two boyz
    so u know i'm down on both the same but the
    younger one i look after more but all due the same
    my older son i watch close as well
    my love for these boys is high and i comfort both
    if i did have a gurl then thangs would be different
    fo sho coz we...(men) just closer or we watch our
    baby gurls from hood rats // dealers// foolish men
    and many other things where we feel boys can
    handle there own !!! yes i feel u and fully understand
    and it's all one big happy family ...:heart: :D
    so welcome to the circle of love da children:)
     
  6. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    $RICH$

    Being I am a Daddy's lil'girl, I can relate to how fathers protect their lil girls. My sister more so than I.......cuz she was like a practice run for him and by the time I was a teenager he had mellowed out. My father was..... "excuse my french, The Original **** Blocker!" The neighorhood boys knew the deal upfront.
    Getting back to the topic......I feel there was a closer bond between my father and sister. Recalling my past, I would be honest in saying it bothered me, but not in a way that it interfered with my development into adulthood. However, my sister and I are proof that it eventually balances out.

    Madd Sistahly Love :heart:
    CCBSKYN
     
  7. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Coco

    maybe even bonding isn't the right word...because as a mother I think we have a special bond with our child/children that no other can have...

    could it be a better knowing/understanding of who the child is, as a person, not as a child....I know my daughter knows me like no other and vice versa...just by looking at her face or watching her movements, I can tell how she is feeling, and she with me....

    I can also do this with both my sons, but they cannot do it with me...is it because girls are more sensitive... I don't think so..my second son is very gentle natured, but due to his fathers influence and his environment, he has been raised as a "mans man" and only ever shows his true self to me when we are alone...my eldest son prefers to keep some things to himself but will always come to me when there is trouble or he is worrying about something, and he has always felt free to discuss any topic with me...

    I have a great relationship with all three, as children, as adults, as people, but I would have to say, on a soul level, that I connect with my daughter more completely....but I do not favour any one of them..I just appreciate the differences in them because it is this that makes them an individual and makes me proud to know them as people....

    K
     
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