Black Relationships : Do Women Give Women Bad Advice???

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Kemetstry, Aug 16, 2010.

  1. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    The theory of supply and demand is arguably the most fundamental tenet of the free market. Understand how it works and you understand three-quarters of America's woes, like the proliferation of reality television, the unnecessary gluttonous absurdity of Taco Bell and KFC one-stops, and the exponential growth of ringtone purchases by grown-*** adults who should know better.

    It even plays out in the marketplace of ideas and opinion. This is where women, in particular, get tripped up on the supply and demand of relationship advice. When men loudly inquire "what the hell are you listening to her for," it's not just a crude knee-jerk response. It comes from our innate understanding that women, although inadvertently in most cases, tend to give each other bad advice. We know this. Yet women demand it from their girlfriends, who are all too happy to supply it. It's an irrepressible instinct that women share. For reasons that are more perplexing than Beyonce's overproduced choreography, women seem to think their girlfriends are uniquely qualified to provide sound advice on affairs of the heart. They're not.

    Let me offer a few reasons to why you might want to check in with a sensible male friend that you trust or a professional instead.

    (Follow Mason Jamal on Twitter)


    1. Misery Loves Company
    The bitter girlfriend scenario is classic. She's jaded from her own failed or failing relationship. Rather than converse, she wants to commiserate. She suffers from emotional Tourette's syndrome ? uncontrollably blurting out red-flag statements like "girl, please, ***** him and his momma." She has no genuine interest in your happiness at this point. Chances are she probably could have made some different decisions with her own love life, but she didn't. Now she's lonely and livid, high off her own supply (of bad advice) and she's doing her best to bait you into her relationship crack den. Walk away.

    2. Standards and Practices
    I'm a big fan of this expression: Standards and Practices (S&P) originates in the broadcast industry as a term that applies to the moral and ethical implications of programs that networks air. In relationships, it takes on a similar meaning. Each couple creates their own parameters and boundaries in terms of behavior and lifestyle choices they embrace or will tolerate. The problem is your girlfriend may be operating from an entirely different S&P handbook. For example, you may have no issue with your husband and his buddies hitting Vegas for the weekend. She does. In fact, her husband can't even go to happy hour after work without drama and 20 questions to follow. You two are operating from two different handbooks. Your relationship sensibilities are incompatible. She's about to steer you wrong and give you advice that doesn't fit the dynamics of your marriage. Change the subject quickly.

    3. She Has No Idea What She's Talking About
    I'm sorry, but it's true. Women can't be trusted to give good advice when it comes to the opposite sex ? no more than you trust the man that pulls up for your first date while sipping from a 16 oz red Solo cup and proceeds to asks if you want some. The only question is who you trust less. The reality is women don't understand men. They think they do and that in itself is the source of all the bad advice to follow. The road to a busted relationship is paved with the good intentions of your girlfriends. Take my advice (yes, mine): Look inward or find a professional.

    4. You Will Look Like a Fool in the End (Again)
    So here is the biggest issue. This is less about the girlfriend and more about you. The more you complain and bellyache about your troubled relationship, the bigger the fool you appear to be to your girlfriend when you sheepishly go back to him in the middle of the night. Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing, but you know you will. You always do. Manage the flow of information. This is what men do. Our buddies need to know only two important life-changing events as it pertains to our relationships: We're getting married and we're getting divorced. Everything else in between is immaterial and frankly none of their business.












    :em0200:

     
  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    When it comes to my relationship I would rather ask a girlfriend of mine who is in a successful relationship then one who has just been broken up or hasn't been a relationship in years.

    I wouldn't say women give women bad advice...You just have to be aware of where the advice is coming from.

    I don't ask men for advice about my relationship cause every time I have they always have something negative to say...like "He ain't no good you should come talk to me. I'll treat you better"...almost like the woman and her hatin' attitude "He's no good girl you should be single like me...F guys"...

    I personally try to stay away from most people's advice cause I don't want people in my business when it comes to my relationship with my guy.

    This goes with my man too...We both don't like folks in our business and if we have a problem we mostly work it out with each other....Cause it's just us two in this relationship...not Janet, Laura and Kim....or Mike.
     
  3. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I take it you dont have any true guy friends that you can really talk to?
















    :em0200:


     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I think you can take advice from both male and female if they are true friends
    often they see what you have missed or let's say from the outside lookin in
    they can see things you can't , often woman 2 woman talk can be misleading
    it won't be a make ova for your man but a take ova , women will do it as well a man
    he will get you to believe that man no good only to place himself on the steppin stool

    Friends will give an honest and relyed advice but the best advice is within self
    through emotions and feeling and simply being alert / aware and notice things
    I honestly think women can give another woman something good to think on
    but like someone said above , it's all whom you ask advice from !!!!!
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    But isnt a female giving advice about men done in a vacuum? Because she really has no experience being a man. Thus she cant know his motivations, can she?

















    :em0200:

     
  6. StefiA

    StefiA Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    @Kemetstry
    "But isnt a female giving advice about men done in a vacuum? Because she really has no experience being a man. Thus she cant know his motivations, can she?"
    Now you're making quite an assumption there - is this based on a man's reasoning that he isn't a woman and therefore can't know 'her' motivations?
    And yet a lot of the things we talk about on this site make the opposite assumption - that we do have a knowledge of the motivations of a group of people who we do not belong to - which I believe is correct.
    Isn't that what that empathy thing is all about - putting yourself into the mindset of others and trying to work out how they see things?
    Personally I think I have a reasonably good idea of what motivates men - mainly due to actually talking to the guys I've been out with rather than just... you know.
    At least by talking among ourselves we get a collective view of things - men never seem to discuss these things among themselves - maybe its them that live in a vacuum.
     
  7. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    for the most part this was some good advice i must say....
    i have to agree with mi though...a woman in a good relationship must know a thing or two about relationships...otherwise she would be in a jacked up one....
    but i do agree with you on the point that it is impossible for women to know mens motivations...they may understand some tendencies that they have seen over a period of time but thas about it....

    one love
    khasm
     
  8. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    To follow this same line of masculine reasoning.... then men shouldn't take advice from other men. But since men have trouble asking for directions so I suppose it is a moot point.
     
  9. StefiA

    StefiA Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    "it is impossible for women to know mens motivations"

    Why do you guys believe it is impossible? - there are only so many things that motivate in a man, from simple lust all the way through to finding a sole-mate via acquiring a trophy, gaining prestige among his peers, having children and so on. I don't think your motivations are really that hard to understand.

    Perhaps even more interesting - do you believe you understand our motivations?
     
  10. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    nope...and this is why you cannot know ours...men are under a different type of pressure than women in life which shapes our motivations...unless you go victor /victoria on us and live the life of a man for sometime...it's impossible to "really" know....

    one love
    khasm
     
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