Black Relationships : Do we want the best, yet expect the worst in our relationships?

Thank you for responding sister Spicy. I think everything you have said here makes a lot of sense. Thank you, I deal strictly in reality. As i was listening to the radio program, i actually thought a lot about this site and how sometimes people just can't let a topic have any real peace. I see, you say one thing, and they pervert it to the point where it sounds like what they WANTED to hear all along. The minute people are agreeing and seemingly on one accord, someone has to break that peace and stir something up again. i see that happening in this thread. Its like excitement for some, they need to see people just a little bit divided to stay interested. Why are people like that? Misery loves company, they have NO life beyond cyber-space. Do we like a little bit of animosity in our relationships? Everybody likes a little challenge, but does that challenge HAVE to involve drama? You can go hang-gliding. I have a theory that many people can't help but create an argument where there previously wasn't one. Maybe this shouldn't bother me so much, but it really does. The other day someone responded to a thread with this sort of attitude, and i suddenly felt sick :puke: . It was one of those attitudes like "Aha, i finally caught someone saying something that backs up every negative opinion i ever felt. I see it too, I think in general these "Brothers" had/have a LOW OPINION(admittedly) of their sistren, so they spectate from a distance to catch you slipping. As soon as you type something they don't agree with, out comes the confession.This is just the thing i need to continue being pessimistic and avoid progress."

Now i realize we all have the right to be pessimistic or to avoid certain things that make us uncomfortable, but goodness does it have to be so broad scale? Do black people really sit around waiting for each other to act in a way that confirms our worst thoughts about each other? Sometimes they do.If we anticipate such things, and then have the nerve to get excited when it occurs, we have serious psychological problems and its no wonder some of us deal with all the drama we do. Perhaps they're seeking an adrenaline rush, or had "high hopes" for ya, then it soured.....:happens:
 
Sanaiah25 said:
The other day i was listening to a radio program, and the topic of discussion was how black people often fear the very things they need in order to heal our conditions. When the area of relationships was mentioned, some guy phoned in and stated that he believed black men and women were afraid to have healthy relationships with each other across the board. He wasn't saying that there were no black men and women who craved healthy relationships, but simply that we have so little faith in it happening on a broad scale, that some of us are avoiding such progress on purpose. This brings up such questions as: What would black people do if they had no broad-scale, reasonable complaints about the opposite sex? What would black men and women do with all the free time we had if we weren't blaming each other for things? Who would we then be forced to blame for other societal problems? What would be the new excuse for interracial relationships if we couldn't blame a lack of quality of our own genders? After many people debated the answers to these questions, the following question was asked: Do black people really want to heal our relationships, or are we so used to the discord that we are on some subconscious level, content to just blame each other and live being discontent with each other?

I am wondering what comments anyone on this site has on this topic, and what your personal answers to the questions mentioned might be. Are any of you content with the state of our relationships? Do you believe most of our people genuinely crave each other and want to change? Should we all just give up and move on without each other?

No need to be politically correct, feel free to be honest and not give the answer you think people want to hear.


No need to be politically correct.....ok....good!

I won't attempt to answer all the questions you posed my sister Sanaiah but I admit that YES, I do expect the worse.

Perhaps it has to do with my Saggitarian ruling planet Jupiter being in retrograde since sometime last march so I might have a different POV sometime after the middle of july when things go "direct"...lol!

:happens:
 
Sanaiah25 said:
Do black people really want to heal our relationships, or are we so used to the discord that we are on some subconscious level, content to just blame each other and live being discontent with each other?

I am wondering what comments anyone on this site has on this topic, and what your personal answers to the questions mentioned might be. Are any of you content with the state of our relationships? Do you believe most of our people genuinely crave each other and want to change? Should we all just give up and move on without each other?

No need to be politically correct, feel free to be honest and not give the answer you think people want to hear.

I honestly don't think the two people involved try hard enough in most relationships OR one party tries hard and the other one doesn't. Finally the one who was trying hard just gives up because they're not going to succeed anyway if they the only one trying. This is why, from the very beginning, you've got to find someone who believes STRONGLY in the value of a good relationship. They've got to BELIEVE their life will be a LOT better if they're in a committed relationship. This is THE most critical aspect because a good relationship is not just found. It's something that 2 people develop over time. The 2 people have to be willing to invest themselves in order to get the return they want.

However, many (not just Blacks) have already been soured towards relationships earlier due to personal experiences or the experiences of others. For ex. many of the posters in relationship threads here have already been hurt/badly disappointed in relationships. For many of them, this will prevent them from investing themselves fully in the next relationship, so they will walk away from that next relationship disappointed also--not because of the other person, but because they didn't invest themself fully. If the other person also refuses to fully invest, then there's a disaster in the making.

This is why I pay careful attention to what a man of a certain age says about his past relationships with women. If he's sour, hesitant, untrusting, etc., I'm just not interested because he's most likely not willing to invest his all.

So to answer your specific questions, I definitely don't think Black people are content and I do think healing is desired, but many people are afraid to invest their all and are waiting for that "thunderbolt" experience with someone else, someone who will wipe away all of their fears and give them everything they ever hoped for in a mate, love them unconditionally, without them risking anything much to be with that person. So unrealistic.

I don't know whether Black people exactly "crave" each other, but I believe that most Black people, like anyone else, crave a relationship that will give them a sense of oneness with another person.

Re moving on without each other, I think the grass always "looks" greener. This is why I tell people to go on over there because only then will they find out for themselves that it was just an optical illusion.

My solution is that every person should first of all determine whether they are willing to invest themself fully in a new relationship and if so, they should search high, low, far and wide, to the ends of the earth, if necessary, to find that person who is also willing to invest FULLY in a relationship, which means they're willing to WORK to develop the relationship into the sublime experience it's supposed to be.
 
Isaiah said:
Sister, perhaps, you are right... Keep that door open to dealing with White Boys... They might just find you a wee bit more attractive than a few of us brothers do here, and in your environs...

Peace!
Isaiah

This thread has nothing to do with interracial relationships and i never hinted that it was, so how can i be right concerning "white boys" when i never mentioned them in the first place? Find such a statement from me, then bold and underline it. Of course, you won't be able to do either because such a statement from me does not exist.

I wish i could count the number of times you have responded to something i said with information i never mentioned or hinted to in the first place. You do this so often, that your irrelevant responses to my opinions are no surprise to me and i actually anticipate them.

As far as you finding me unattractive, i must frankly say that i don't care. The abundance of black male friends I have who actually know me (hate to remind you that you don't), including my boyfriend, are the only men who's opinion of me matters. I am not here to attract fans, i am here to express my ideas. If this bothers you, then i suggest you find a coping mechanism or two because i don't plan to stop expressing my views on this website any time soon.

Good day to you, and next time you respond to anything i say, please attempt to stay on topic (however difficult this might be for you) and also try to respond to something that was actually mentioned instead of making up non-existent material.

Thank You. :flowers:
 
OmowaleX said:
No need to be politically correct.....ok....good!

I won't attempt to answer all the questions you posed my sister Sanaiah but I admit that YES, I do expect the worse.

Perhaps it has to do with my Saggitarian ruling planet Jupiter being in retrograde since sometime last march so I might have a different POV sometime after the middle of july when things go "direct"...lol!

:happens:

Thank you for responding. Though i personally don't expect the worse (thanks to an abundance of positive experiences), i can definately understand why others sometimes do. I hope your future brings you many positive experiences and opportunities to add to your point of view. :)
 

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