Black Relationships : Do we want the best, yet expect the worst in our relationships?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Sanaiah25, May 23, 2006.

  1. Sanaiah25

    Sanaiah25 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The other day i was listening to a radio program, and the topic of discussion was how black people often fear the very things they need in order to heal our conditions. When the area of relationships was mentioned, some guy phoned in and stated that he believed black men and women were afraid to have healthy relationships with each other across the board. He wasn't saying that there were no black men and women who craved healthy relationships, but simply that we have so little faith in it happening on a broad scale, that some of us are avoiding such progress on purpose. This brings up such questions as: What would black people do if they had no broad-scale, reasonable complaints about the opposite sex? What would black men and women do with all the free time we had if we weren't blaming each other for things? Who would we then be forced to blame for other societal problems? What would be the new excuse for interracial relationships if we couldn't blame a lack of quality of our own genders? After many people debated the answers to these questions, the following question was asked: Do black people really want to heal our relationships, or are we so used to the discord that we are on some subconscious level, content to just blame each other and live being discontent with each other?

    I am wondering what comments anyone on this site has on this topic, and what your personal answers to the questions mentioned might be. Are any of you content with the state of our relationships? Do you believe most of our people genuinely crave each other and want to change? Should we all just give up and move on without each other?

    No need to be politically correct, feel free to be honest and not give the answer you think people want to hear.
     
  2. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    .02.......

    The other day i was listening to a radio program, and the topic of discussion was how black people often fear the very things they need in order to heal our conditions. I believe Black people across the board are afraid of failing each other in relationships. When the area of relationships was mentioned, some guy phoned in and stated that he believed black men and women were afraid to have healthy relationships with each other across the board. Sad but true. He wasn't saying that there were no black men and women who craved healthy relationships, but simply that we have so little faith in it happening on a broad scale, that some of us are avoiding such progress on purpose. Folks with LOW SELF-ESTEEM who happen to have much potential often slack off and give up, especially in the love arena. This brings up such questions as: What would black people do if they had no broad-scale, reasonable complaints about the opposite sex? In a white supremacy culture, that is impossible. The little bleached birdie will keep ish going between BM and BW so long as he wishes to maintain his power/control of the world and Black folks. We don't have to bite the dangling carrot all the time though:rolleyes: What would black men and women do with all the free time we had if we weren't blaming each other for things? Build, build, build. Who would we then be forced to blame for other societal problems? Ourselves. What would be the new excuse for interracial relationships if we couldn't blame a lack of quality of our own genders? Nothing is 100% guaranteed. Living in a nation that is 60% white, there will always be a select few who cross the color line. After many people debated the answers to these questions, the following question was asked: Do black people really want to heal our relationships, or are we so used to the discord that we are on some subconscious level, content to just blame each other and live being discontent with each other? Yes, and I see it everyday.

    I am wondering what comments anyone on this site has on this topic, and what your personal answers to the questions mentioned might be. Are any of you content with the state of our relationships? Well, my man and I separated until he straightens his act out. Honestly he is the one to blame, but that's ok because like I mentioned in another thread, I'm fine being single. If he decides to get his mind right, I'lll CONSIDER working it out, he doesn't oh well, sayonara....:wave: I have a photographic memory, and some things are just unforgettable :nono:. Do you believe most of our people genuinely crave each other and want to change? Yes, we just haven't agreed on how to start the healing process, and as soon as one is underway, in flood more character assassinations via the media. Should we all just give up and move on without each other? I pondered that. NO.

    No need to be politically correct, feel free to be honest and not give the answer you think people want to hear. I'll be frank and honest. I will no longer narrow my chances to be loved by ONLY Black men. I have not sworn them off, but duh, I will have a bigger chance if I leave the door open. I have too many men approaching me, and, unfortunately too many "Brothers" who have shown me NO act right. And this is based on EXPERIENCE.

    Peace.....
     
  3. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Yes There is a Fear

    But I have found it to be more complex than that. I really think many are afraid of not measuring up to their own BS. Afraid of rejection. Of finding out that they arent all that and a bag of chips. That they arent in the league of Halle and Denzel and never should have thought that. That they should have been with Average Joe or Plain Jane from day one.

    Reality is a hard thing to stare in the face. You hear it in the statements. "If I could only find a man that would leap tall buildings in a single bound, not require me to do anything, make big bank, accept me for me...." "In order for a woman to get with me, she gotta have legs up to here, never get old, have stretch marks, can cook, clean, dont ask me for money......" Many have bought into the dumb stuff and are enabled by our circle of friends. In fact, many will only pick friends that enable their/this stupidity.

    In order to get past the fear, we must get past the BS! Embrace reality
     
  4. Sanaiah25

    Sanaiah25 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you for responding sister Spicy. I think everything you have said here makes a lot of sense. As i was listening to the radio program, i actually thought a lot about this site and how sometimes people just can't let a topic have any real peace. The minute people are agreeing and seemingly on one accord, someone has to break that peace and stir something up again. Its like excitement for some, they need to see people just a little bit divided to stay interested. Why are people like that? Do we like a little bit of animosity in our relationships? I have a theory that many people can't help but create an argument where there previously wasn't one. Maybe this shouldn't bother me so much, but it really does. The other day someone responded to a thread with this sort of attitude, and i suddenly felt sick :puke: . It was one of those attitudes like "Aha, i finally caught someone saying something that backs up every negative opinion i ever felt. This is just the thing i need to continue being pessimistic and avoid progress."

    Now i realize we all have the right to be pessimistic or to avoid certain things that make us uncomfortable, but goodness does it have to be so broad scale? Do black people really sit around waiting for each other to act in a way that confirms our worst thoughts about each other? If we anticipate such things, and then have the nerve to get excited when it occurs, we have serious psychological problems and its no wonder some of us deal with all the drama we do.
     
  5. kemetkind

    kemetkind Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    At least your honest about who all you want to be loved by.

    A lot of your other posts make a lot more sense to me now.
     
  6. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sister, perhaps, you are right... Keep that door open to dealing with White Boys... They might just find you a wee bit more attractive than a few of us brothers do here, and in your environs...

    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  7. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Do you really think going to another race will solve the issue?

    Do you think all black males fit in the category you have so narrowly defined?

    I submit that the problem may be in the mirror and not with certain males
     
  8. IfUComeSoftly

    IfUComeSoftly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    sister spicy... i just want to add that... if a person chooses to date outside of black men/women i would hope that they do so b/c the person they wish to enter into a relationship with warrants love/affection/desire as opposed to just giving up on brothers/sisters b/c a few didn't act right... every one here has been hurt... the key to it all with me was remembering that those issues were situational and solely attached to that person or me for that matter... and not to brothaz as a whole...
     
  9. Bisabee

    Bisabee Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In order not to get into big brouhaha on the subject of IRs, I think we need to get away from what Sis. Spicy said about dating out and focus on the thread question.
     
  10. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well......

    Well, that's why I said I haven't given up on Brothers; however, I will not trot the entire globe to run down a Black king when I am getting/have gotten no act right from a particular demographic, all the while numerous other men are striking up conversation, approaching respectfully, and appear to have their lives in order.
     
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