Black Relationships : Do nice guys finish last?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by kente417mojo, Jun 29, 2004.

  1. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have read articles on this subject and they tend to say similar things. That the nicer you are as a guy to a woman, the more likely you will always end up being "just a friend". Even if you send messages of interest to a woman, you'll still finish last. While the dude that ignores and occassionally talks down to a woman will end up getting what you want. Is this true? Is it true that women don't want a man to be "too nice"? What's "too nice"? Have you ever been that guy that has been "too nice" and seen a number of women slip through your fingers while you watch some guy win her over by simply ignoring her or being obnoxious when he does acknowledge her? Did this change your outlook on women? :grin:

    Women, are you turned off by a guy that gives you too much attention, even though some women complain when a man doesn't do so? If so, is it a woman thing, or does it differ with race? Does the amount of attention needed change once you've gotten him to give you the attention that you were craving? Is it all a big mind game?:teach:

    Are we as men in a no win situation when it comes to women? What do you think brothas...and sistas?
     
  2. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    well i had a guy who was interested in me- and i wasnt- but we became friends and chilled for like a yr- somehow he grew on me- and we began datin
    but i thought at times he was "too nice"- for me i can say- that i wasnt used to men being "nice" so for him to act this way normally caught me off gaurd- as well as being independent and not likin hand outs- at times him being "too nice" felt weird or uncomfortable

    i think allot of women dont appreciate a guy that is "to nice" because of thier previous relationships. i think most men kno that a woman is divine but only some treat her as such

    wats "too nice"- a people pleaser- it feels too nice when u dont expect it and are not used to it

    is being "too nice" a sign of weakness?

    yeah- the amt of attn changes i think once u get what ur cravin- say i enjoy a mans company and stuff- but he dont call me enough- when he starts callin me like i had wanted - i might start to think he callin me too much-

    dont get mad at me for this one women- but i think women tend to and may like to make things harder and more complicated then it needs to be or is ( i kno at time i do- y- life is a test- things need to be earned not handeed out)

    no win situation- naw- yall be ight- if u doing wats right- sooner or latter u'll get rewarded for it- its jus a matter of time.
     
  3. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ain't that the truth Daroc...I figured that out some time (and many dates) ago. To answer brother Kente417mojo's question. I don't think nice guys finish last, it depends on the woman you are dealing with. I can say that based on prior experience, not every woman who says she wants a nice guy really means it.
     
  4. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a great question Kente. Sadly to say, some nice guys do finish last. To put it bluntly, some women consider a "nice" guy, someone who is a punk or easily walked on. However,.....I don't believe this will happen if a woman finds something that attracts her to the man. For me, I have, in my twenties, tossed a few nice guys aside, but I have found that there wasn't an attraction strong enough to them in the first place. Please understand, that I am not speaking solely on how they look. I have dated a man who I wasn't attracted to in the least, and after hanging around him for awhile, getting to know him and all of his sides, I was in a relationship for over a year and a half. Alot of us women are attracted to the bad guys, or the "ungettable gets" the ones who barely call you, stand you up on occassion, etc., I don't know why that is, but most of us have endured it. I am grateful that I endured it in my younger days. A woman who values herself will hopefully grow out of that. There is nothing wrong with being nice. I like a balance. A man who is nice, even sweet at times, but makes me feel like he can handle his business. I won't say thug, but I hope you see where I am going with this.

    Some nice guys are too shy. I am not attracted necessarily to a shy man. You can be shy at times. I am shy at times. But if we are both sitting there being shy, nothing is going to be accomplished. :help:

    At the end of the day, there has to be something about the person that really holds you, whether it is their intellect, the way they treat other people, their talents, something. The way they happen to make you feel when you are with them. All of these things will take a person from "blah" to "WOW" if you are willing to put in the time and let things develop. All women don't like the same things like all men don't like the same things, but you have to have a level of maturity that will allow you to get past the simple physical package.
     
  5. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I say people who do not know what their type is finish last.

    I Think if a man knows his type, Like I only talk to women who I think feel me, you will not have to deal with that.

    I have never been a friend, so I guess I am doing something right.

    But to each his own.

    However, sometimes you have to grow on people, I guess I do not have the patience, much love to brothers that are friends with women and then date, usually if a female is not talking right I discharge her within a 72 hour period, I am trying to work on doing the nice thing, but is really hard but I am working on it! My Longest so far has been like 2 weeks!!!

    I am being serious yall do not laugh, LOL.
     
  6. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for the responses. If that's true that nice guys do get passed up alot of the times then that's one reason why women can't find good men sometimes. It's not because they can't find them, but they aren't giving these men a chance. Of course...you can't date someone simply because they are nice. I think it sucks. I've had friends that were really nice guys and I told them that this is why this happens to them. I said, "stop putting these women on a pedestal everytime one looks your way". I think men don't realize that the more you drool over a woman the more she thinks you're a punk and not worth her time.
     
  7. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    2 weeks as a friend with a woman.....and then what MANASIAC? :grin:
    What did you do man??????? :lol: :nono:
     
  8. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kente man, if she aint Cutting she need to be Trucking.

    If she aint Dating, she need to be escaping.

    I do not have time to be a woman;s friend if I aint feeling her, ya dig. I do not need excess baggage.
     
  9. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i hear u brotha man- shoot i wouldnt be wastin my time niether- but i hope all the bnrothas that aint friend dont be think like dat
     
  10. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can honestly say that I do alot better when I don't stress a woman. I mean, when I just talk to her and don't hit on her..or if I don't really acknowledge them...they seem to want to intitiate things after that. Not saying all women but some. Like if I go through the check-stand at the grocery store and the lady is fine...I know she's fine. But sometimes in my mind I tell her "shoot.....if you want it...get at me girl". Then like the next few times she tries to spark up some conversation or something and eventually it leads to something more. That just an example of some similar situations that have happened to me in the past. Plus I just don't have the drive to want to hit on women anymore. I meet enough women by chance, doing everyday things to have to worry about hitting on them. And I don't want to inflate their heads at the same time. You know.....being the 100th guy that day that hit on them. I don't want to contribute to that ego.
     
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