Black Women : Do Black Women Know How To Listen?

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by NNQueen, Mar 17, 2006.

  1. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sisters, if you've been paying attention lately, some of our most revered and articulate brothers have complained that some of us aren't listening to them and this has become a bone of contention in many of our threads, EXCEPT the ones when SEX is being discussed.

    One heated argument after another has resulted in emotional outbursts on more than one occasion and I've only been back to the community a little over a week. I admit, I don't always understand what makes some brothers feel this way, but I'm willing to be openminded to see if my communication skills (which includes listening) improves and I hope other sisters will join me.

    Now I hope some of you won't think why it is that WE have to be the ones to make this bold move and not them, because it's really about the adage, "practice what we preach." Ask any Black woman and she will probably tell you that communication is the key between them and Black men. Well, this is our chance to prove that WE can and do listen to our brothers well and it doesn't have to end in a heated discussion with people getting their feelings hurt or feeling as though they have to leave a discussion because they feel attacked or insulted.

    Based on a lot of questions that sisters ask brothers in most of these threads, I think we have a prime opportunity to learn more about our brothers AND to repair a major problem that we all have said throughout so many of the threads at the same time.

    So I'd like to show the brother's that we have honed the art of listening and can engage in productive dialogue without being argumentative even when there is disagreement among us. Respect, courteous, no assumptions, no insults. We may find that we've been showing them this all along and they just couldn't see it. It will be a glorious day when we both can see it at the same time, wouldn't it?

    Who knows, if we succeed at it here, it might spread out into the broader Black communities and wouldn't that be a very good thing?

    I invite anyone to add their thoughts to this for the purpose of improving our communication techniques.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  2. mchinadoll

    mchinadoll Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I invite anyone to add their thoughts to this for the purpose of improving our communication techniques.

    Queenie :spinstar:[/QUOTE]



    I agree totally. I am ready to listen and understand!!!
     
  3. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I tend to listen thoroughly. I'll have to admit that a lot of BW don't listen well enough. Should we vote to have a vent forum to help solve this communication pandemic here?
     
  4. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I listen very well!
    Some women go on and on and on because they think that they're right no matter what someone says! A man does not like to argue for too long so he just let's her talk until she gets tired.
     
  5. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    there is a huge difference in listening and hearing. Yes many BW hear our men out, but listening involves inner-reasoning, not necessarily beckoning, rather,being understanding
     
  6. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    To me listening means hearing a person out, and at the very least understanding where they are coming from. Listening should not be equated with agreeing. Some feel that because the person doesn't agree then they haven't listened, which isn't true.
     
  7. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Yanno Sister, I've read this post lastnight before heading to bed. I was like, "what is my Sister talking about! We listen to our Brother's." So I went to bed and re-read your post again this morning. Then it came to me, yes I may listen, but perhaps I'm listening on defense mode.

    I think I sort of wait for a Brother to say something offensive so I can be like, "What? Is he serious!" I don't speak for all of us, but I think some of us may do this very thing unconciously. I'm willing to switch modes, open my heart, and mind with understanding. Besides, my Brothers are worth it.:love: I don't want to ever imagine life without my Brothers on my side.

    Count me in Sis!:deal:
     
  8. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    can you put yourself in another's shoes? role play?

    i am aware that i can never actually feel what a woman feels. are women aware that they cannot feel what we men feel?
    even when we are joined together in sex, i cannot feel what she feels and she cannot feel what i feel. it is the opposite.

    i get the impression that some women do not realize what a man actually is and think that we are just big women. no, we are not.
    i think some sisters have a negative reaction when they see an untamed black man. they feel they should mould us, change us, tame us.
    i will not be tamed. that is a good thing.

    i wonder when my sisters will value that?
     
  9. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Listening does not mean agreeing to me.

    I'm very interested in the experiences of others, so I do listen to Black men.

    Having never been a Black man, I know I can't ever understand his feelings or experiences like maybe another Black man can.

    I think it's very important for both genders to share their views, feelings, and experiences, but shouldn't expect the other to agree with them.
     
  10. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    can you have a legitimate disagreement without understanding?
    if you do not understand the brother's position than you are not really able to form an honest opinion.
    a woman must be able to understand, to see, to feel.
    then her disagreement has credibility.

    in some of these threads they ask if a man would want a tall woman or a short woman or whatever.
    no, i would want a woman who was capable of understanding me!
     
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