Black Relationships : Difference in Treatment Based on Number of Partners

Greetings Sista Workinprocess...

Let me first ask if your thread is intended for a certain age group...To me it does sound like it is intended for a very young group. Meaning that most young folk havn't had time to get overly involved in sex. Thereby being able to put lables on things and the way others handle themselves. Speaking as an elder, we all have had multible sex partners ..mainly because of our time frame. Men and Women. It doesn't make us good or bad. It makes us human. We all have needs and wants. And yes I do live in the moment. I don't have time to live in the past her's or mind.

Now do I see a person that I'm with as a possible mate..if she's having multible partners? Of course not!! First of all if the person is honest and open, we would have discuss that and both know what is expected of each. And I wouldn't ask something of her that I wasn't able to do myself. Now if she is not able to act accordingly that would be my que to give her, her space and let her continue on her way. That might be called being old fashion...but it works for me. Beside I like my peace. lol lol lol. Two's company, three or more is a parking lol

As far as looking at a gold digger? Well let's just say she better be willing to dig in her paurse and spread the gold around this way some. Wow!!! did I say that? Things just ain't the way they used to be are they? lol lol. Sure I'll open the car door for you...take you to dinner, a concert..sorry we're not doing the movie thing....I can see them for free right lol. But sometimes I'd like to be spoiled myself. So turnabout is fair play for me.

So again me being an elder I really don't sweat the small stuff, what folk are thinking, what folk are saying. Did I hear somebody say "life is too short"....nawww life is's just what you make of it plain and simple. And by the way, You're never to old to really, really ,Oh and did I say Really enjoy sex...."Bet you wish you hada met a freak like me" lol lol


Thanks for your input Lilpea, it does make a lot of sense what you are saying in terms of age but I think that nowadays, people over look the fact that even children are starting to have sex at early ages, as young as 8 and sometimes even younger, you'd be surprise. However that is a whole other can of worms to open which tends to happen is serious matters, there are so many different dynamics, so many doors to open and go through before you come back to that main door which started it all.

So, in terms of age being a main factor in how early one gets started with adding notches to ones belt, really goes beyond the fact that one has got older age as a factor. Even those who did not start having sex at the tender age of 8, Women who start in their late teens or early 20's, I gave an example of how some women just go ape, they have been sexually suppressed and sexually oppressed and I think a lot of them get the idea that after they have had a certain number count of sexual partners, they are of no use, in other words, damaged goods. It's sad to say the least that out side influences, meaning influences outside of self can get one so caught up.

I remember growing up, LOL I never heard anything good about sex, it is so sad that it is kind of pitiful which makes my LOL kind of psychotic in an odd sense of humor way. Going way out there, I mean way out, I also think that there are a lot of rebels on this planet, more than we give credit for and they are the ones who feel the need to rebel however, rebelling is their own way of taking action, but like I said before, taking action isn't always the solution, particularly when you have been conditioned a certain way and all you know is, you don't want to be conditioned anymore yet, you don't know how to not be conditioned yet, you know something has got to give because you want to be in charge of yourself.

I think at some point, we all have to take a look at how we judge each other and not give each other enough credit. This woman I used to be good friends with, she actually believed that sometimes people will treat you good just so they can turn around to someday bring harm to you... What the! Here it is, she and I are friends and I have done so much for her and she is having a conversation with me where she actually said something like that. In my mind I was thinking well geez, all I ever helped her with was all in vein, I can't win for losing if I stay friends with her because she has already condemned me to be like those other people she obviously in the end, wound up not trusting.

I said that to say this, if a woman has had many partners, it doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to keep having multiple partners for the rest of her life and she is incapable of change. In other words, I think it is kind of high up on the horse for anyone to suggest that she will never change. If a man can be seen as capable of settling down, I think a woman should be granted that same kind of trust particularly from a man, but not condemnation, he should not condemn her. Although there are people out there who think that a woman and man are different and therefore carry different roles, say's who? Just like anything Rules and roles are man made. No one really knows the true roles of a man or woman, all we really know is what we perceive based on how we experienced our controlled environment and when our perception is so self contained, only within our personal controlled view, that makes many of our ideas bias.

Those are my ideas and those of others (mostly men)...If I am going to be convinced that a woman is a whore it's based solely on what most men have told about how they view these women...If a woman sleeps with numerous men, whether it's for cash or not, do you think most men are going to treat her the same if she didn't?

Now okay I'ma put my business out here a little...I don't sleep with a whole bunch of guys...Hell, some days I wonder if it's because I have a low libido or something...but anyways, men in this area that I am in that know me don't treat me like a whore or ****, they are pretty nice to me and are hardly ever disrespectful to me...But these same men talk about chicks who sleep around and clown them and laugh at how easy they were and then dogged them out, and sometimes straight to their face. My "friend" just got slapped by a dude last week, and everyone knows this chick sleeps around and will sleep with a married man...and she admits it...She got preggers and didn't know who the dad was...She slept with my other friend's husband and then bragged about it in her face....And this chick don't get paid...Now, is this girl a "whore"? Or is there another title that she should be given?

Obviously the part about myself choosing to have a "Sex Buddy" (singular) is my idea and decision.

Sista MsInterpret, I am really concerned about the underlined part of your quote. You are basically saying that you got your ideas about women from men, the men who label women as whores. Sista, you don't see anything wrong with that, particularly being that it is those same men who contribute, take part in those women becoming the so called whores? I don't understand why a man would be telling you, another woman that other women are whores, it is almost as if you are being pitted against other women. I am not accusing you of this but this reminds me of what Skuderjames said in this thread about women competing for men.

You said something to the affect that you would prefer a sex buddy before you become a so called whore but sista, did you know that some men would still view you a whore as well because you are not married to the man you are sex buddies with, and there is no telling what other sex buddies (plural) he's got outside of you which brings me to the other thing you would be judged for. I hear more men saying these days that a woman who will let a man have her body with no strings attached, sex buddy or not is a fool because at least a prostitute gets paid for her time, weather she is with one man every night or two or three, she gets paid.

The goody twoshoes women, oh yeah, they sleep with their one sex buddy but when the sex is over, he is gone and what does she have? I tell you, you would be much better off pleasing yourself than to have sex with one, two or three men and more because as a woman, one can not win for losing. We got the men who condemn women who love sex as much as the men do and we got women (who act as surrogate mothers that think their sons can do no wrong) standing by those men's side, agreeing with all the negative things that those men are saying about other women... smh

For the second part that I put in bold in your quote, what you described is not at all what I was talking about. Women who are single, bachelorettes, not committed to one man, although I am sure many of them sleep with married men, on the flip side, many of them don't and if they do, there are not to many cases where free women goes about bragging to the woman that happens to be the mans wife. I wouldn't call that woman you described a whore but I would definately say she's got some emotional issues and they don't have anything to do with sex, although she uses sex as a tool.

From what you described, she doesn't seem like the type that is having sex purely for enjoyment, she seems to be having sex in order to get attention and when she does not get it, she wants to make everyone miserable. That doesn't make her a whore, it makes her an individual who needs help and the brothas that use her for their own gratification, they are contributing to the problem and they are not your friends. When you agree with them, you help them to justify their wrong doing. I am not a feminist so I am not making the men out to be monsters because as I said earlier, women train men how to treat them.

If one is not a part of the solution, one is a part of the problem and if one is not a part of the problem or solution, one should keep ones comments to ones self.

I don't date women soooooooooo if I'm gonna get an opinion about what men think I'm going to ask A MAN....

I say this with no malice... I don't think you get it, I suspected you wouldn't.

Sista, getting an opinion, and accepting the opinions of others as your own view or thoughts, without any critical thinking or critical analyzation, is a bit impulsive to say the least.



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