Did This Brotha Speak for All Of You?

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by river, Dec 15, 2005.

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  1. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    I participated in what I thought was an open discussion but was told by one brotha that because there were two brothas disagreeing with one another my input seemed to support one brotha over the other causing "tremendous damage" to the one voicing the opinion with which I disagreed. He did not say this as something that he felt personally but as something that is true of all men.

    Is it? If two brothas are disagreeing and I say something that supports the opinion of one have I destroyed the other? How much does the fact that I am a woman effect your being able to receive what I say if I disagree with you in fromt of other men?

    You know Da River wants your honest feedback. Not just what you think I want to here.
     
  2. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sista River, I don't think it has as much to do with you being a woman, as being a highly-esteemed opinion maker, dig???

    One whose opinions are valued with a community can change the course of a debate, as it were, by offering a favorable opinion of another... If one is seen as wise and smart and intelligent, by a community, then their opinions will sway that community, pure and simple... The other side of that is, indeed, total destruction for the other party...rubble...ruination...(smile!)


    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  3. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Gee brotha isaiah,

    i want my brothas and sistahs here to be strong. I attack opinions not people. so if I have as much power as you say how should I tread? If I have as much power as you say how come I'm not the president? :D
     
  4. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    no

    the only possible "damage" would be to one of the egos. if that is a possible outcome of the "discussion", on an open forum, then there is something "missing" in the validity of the discussion anyway.

    "true of all men"?? hogwash!! if it is, then the caliber of "men" .... oh ... looking around at the state of the world today, maybe it is true of enough of them that this world is in the mess it is? "men" ... rather "intelligence", would welcome additional input into the discussion.

    if one of them gets "destroyed" by having their viewpoint "discussed" less than favorably, then that is someone is actually rather weak intellectually.

    given that women have a completely different perspective on things, it is always good to hear what she says!! for the most part, though, fellas will have to pause to think through what she said to get it clear. usually what happens is that the fella will get all hot and bothered, bluster and chest thump for a while, and eventually come around to what she was saying in the first place ... without having the grace, or the "stones", to acknowledge the validity of the point. nor to apologize.

    i'm always gonna give you what i think you want to hear, because Da River usually only wants to hear "truth", "clarity", honesty and knowledge. course, flattery, candy and flowers never hurt either!! :flowers: thanks for being you, River!!
     
  5. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't see it as having anything to do with being a woman, particuliarly on a website.

    The only exception to this would be if two men are having a discussion on a subject solely about men.

    If a man thinks "tremendous damage" is caused by a woman voicing her opinion or making a comment, or even challenging the position of the one who feels she doesn't agree with him, does this have anything to do with his argument standing on the merits of it's own validity?
     
  6. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Whoa, that was on point brotha.
     
  7. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Actually that was MY statement....I own up to it and stand by it.




    River

    One thing I'd say is ofcourse my statment doesn't speak for ALL men.

    Some men are gay and don't care, other's are punks and have no pride or ego, some just don't care period.

    So I didn't mean to imply that every man feels this way.

    But most do.

    ____________________________________________


    One statement AnAfrican was correct about was the EGO of a man being damaged.
    But that in itself is among the worst things to damage in a man.

    Like it or not...

    Understand it or not....

    It doesn't matter.

    A man is judged on his strength, intelligence, courage, and ability to attract and maintain women.
    This is instinctual among all men.

    Women are the supporters and motivators of men and how they weigh in on different issues and who they lend their support to has a tremendous sway on the community.


    Look at competition sports and how almost all of the cheerleaders are attractive girls smiling and cheering on "thier boys"!

    That's a sign for those who understand.

    Having the majority of women on your side cheering and backing you up boosts the confidence of most men and encourages them to be more effective...be their best.




    I guarantee you that the men who feel abandoned and unappreciated by the women of a community will not be very effective soldiers and defenders of that community.
    Our ancestors understood this about human nature and therefor implimented rules around this fact in thier past civilizations.
     
  8. MississippiRed

    MississippiRed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    River I think that would be a sign of the lack of mental toughness and lack of conviction....if I believe in something and know for sure that's what I believe in then I don't care who stands against me and presents their opinion....if a man tells you that you supporting someone else caused him tremendous damage then the person in question is not a man but a mentally weak emotionally needy person with low self esteem....they need to be validated in order to have any conviction on an issue and when they don't get it they become angry and instead of continuing to argue their point they resort to name calling and insults.......

    yall know the saying...Men do what they want boys do what they can.....


    MississippiRed
     
  9. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Mississippi Red

    Well we know boys like to show out and fight infront of girls, but I've also met a few men who did the same thing.

    Let me give you a somewhat exaggerated scenario..

    Suppose you and another man of about the same size and ability were about to scrap....over anything.

    The men just stood back ready to watch....but most of the women in the vicinity started blowing kisses and cheering on the man you were about to fight while dissing and making fun of you calling you a loser.


    Would that effect you in any way?
     
  10. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    I Do Not Support Weakness

    The word Muslim means submitted to God. A man who is submitted to God is not so fragile--not so easily intimidated--not so concerned about his ego because he serves God not himself.

    This resorting to name calling that you do is unfounded. If you were so concerned about the egos of your brothas then why would you call them gay? Not that one's sexual orientation has anything to do with the strength of his character, but the intended insult is coming from one who is himself weak. You make enemies where you could have made friends.
    Well most men aren't submitted to God. The brothas here have different views about God and their relationship to him but they for the must part are submitted to a spirituality that gives them strength and eliminates the need to nurse their egos.
    As I've said a man who is free from ego is not so easily destroyed. Some men who want to remain neanderthals will never get this into their heads. But if you want to grow up and be a strong minded man no woman will support you more than Da River. I'll support you, not because I fear you will be damaged but because I know you are invincible.
    If I have that much power then why should I use it to support opinions with which I disagree? Have I attacked Dual? No. Has Dual attacked me and the people I've come to love? Yes. Still I do not retaliate by resorting to personal attacks and name calling. I stick to the issues. It's not my fault that Dual can not separate himself from his issues. That's what having a big ego will do for you, Daddy.
    What in the world does that have to do with the validity or your discussions?
    Since you know this then why not strengthen your game (discussion) so the women will be on your side?
     
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