Black Relationships : Did I Run Him Away?

[boycott rap]

He is satan

this guy isnt for you at all


UOTE=Sangofa]I just met this guy back in June at a church convention when I was out of town. We went out twice and exhchanged phone numbers while out there and contacted each other almost everyday. There were times where he would text me and if I didn't respond fast enough he would get mad. When we first met we were attracted to each other. On the last day of the convention he wanted to see me so bad. I was so busy that it was impossible. I told him that since we couldn't see each other again then we should keep in touch. I made several attempts of planting the seed of a friendship. I would call him every now and then or text him. Sometimes he would answer his phone and respond to my text and somtimes he didn't. Sometimes when we talked he was sweet and the next time he appeared rude.

After the convention he informed me that he is a affectionate person and that he really likes to cuddle. I didn't know him that well so I couldn't show him any affection. He felt that I was acting distant with him. I wasn't trying to act distant but I wanted to get to know him better.I like to take things slowly especially when I meet someone new.He wanted to ask for a kiss but didn't. I have my boundaries and refuse to kiss someone I don't know. I don't liked to be touched unless I give the person permission.

This past weekend I contacted him. I asked him about his opinion when it comes to dating. I was taught that it's wrong but I feel you must date a person to see what they are about. The response that he gave me was"If you are not committed but you have feelings for someone and he leaves you hanging for someone else then what does that make him. Nothing because you're not committed" this comment confused me. I'm not sure if he is giving me hints that he is no longer interested in me or if he's telling me that he is keeping is options open. I tried to call him so he can clarify what he was saying but he didn't take my call. I felt that he went around my original question.Last month I think that I made the mistake of hinting to him that I liked him. I set myself up and now he has control over the whole situation. I also told him that it hurts when he ignores me. When I asked him what he felt about me he did not respond. After all of this rejection I have decided to lay low and my guards are up. I deleted his number because his actions tell me what kind of person he is and that he's not the one.

What did I do wrong? I hope that I'm not jumping all over the place I just have so much on my mind right now....[/QUOTE]

 

[Kamau47]

I just met this guy back in June at a church convention when I was out of town. We went out twice and exhchanged phone numbers while out there and contacted each other almost everyday. There were times where he would text me and if I didn't respond fast enough he would get mad. When we first met we were attracted to each other. On the last day of the convention he wanted to see me so bad. I was so busy that it was impossible. I told him that since we couldn't see each other again then we should keep in touch. I made several attempts of planting the seed of a friendship. I would call him every now and then or text him. Sometimes he would answer his phone and respond to my text and somtimes he didn't. Sometimes when we talked he was sweet and the next time he appeared rude.

After the convention he informed me that he is a affectionate person and that he really likes to cuddle. I didn't know him that well so I couldn't show him any affection. He felt that I was acting distant with him. I wasn't trying to act distant but I wanted to get to know him better.I like to take things slowly especially when I meet someone new.He wanted to ask for a kiss but didn't. I have my boundaries and refuse to kiss someone I don't know. I don't liked to be touched unless I give the person permission.

This past weekend I contacted him. I asked him about his opinion when it comes to dating. I was taught that it's wrong but I feel you must date a person to see what they are about. The response that he gave me was"If you are not committed but you have feelings for someone and he leaves you hanging for someone else then what does that make him. Nothing because you're not committed" this comment confused me. I'm not sure if he is giving me hints that he is no longer interested in me or if he's telling me that he is keeping is options open. I tried to call him so he can clarify what he was saying but he didn't take my call. I felt that he went around my original question.Last month I think that I made the mistake of hinting to him that I liked him. I set myself up and now he has control over the whole situation. I also told him that it hurts when he ignores me. When I asked him what he felt about me he did not respond. After all of this rejection I have decided to lay low and my guards are up. I deleted his number because his actions tell me what kind of person he is and that he's not the one.

What did I do wrong? I hope that I'm not jumping all over the place I just have so much on my mind right now....

Sister, I have to say something here, but I don't want you to think that I am saying that you were right or wrong. That is totally a decision that you have to make for yourself.
It sounds to me like the both of you should have did some talking. I noticed you used the word "hinted". Trouble with hinting is that it leaves alot unsaid, and to the imagination.
But I am wondering that during all this texting, talking and the like, what did the two of you talk about. Didn't any of this come up during the conversations?
Also, when he wanted to see you but you said that it was impossible because you were so busy, could he have taken your infrequent calls as playing a game? I'm not suggesting that you were, but could it have seemed to him that you were just playing him along? And when his replies were coming back infrequently to you, could he be busy as well?
I ask these questions because for the most part, misunderstandings & crossed signals have lead to alot of problems in relationships. True, he could have been just another man playing a game on/with you, but I always try to look at both sides of a coin before coming to a conclusion. It just seems to me that if you two would have discussed these things, maybe you wouldn't be asking this question now. Again, I am not pointing fingers at anyone here. Just merely asking questions to try to see the whole picture.
I do wish you the best Sister.

 

[Kemetstry]

Brotha Kem,

Yes, people can misread each other. When the man became angry at her for not responding to his text message fast enough that right there indicates that a misunderstanding is not the case here.

Put the shoe on the other foot. Let's say you were at a convention. Let's say you encountered a nice young (or not so young) lady. You exchanged numbers. She sends you a text message. You take note of it and plan to respond after you come from a seminar that you've been wanting to go to. After all you paid your 300 dollars to attend the seminars, did you not? But when you call the young lady she is angry because you made her wait four hours without returning he message, you heartless, man you. How could you? How dare you? Don't you know that she really digs you and wants to get to know you as soon as possible?

Would you then spend the next six weeks wondering if you had done something wrong? Maybe you should have given her another chance. Maybe if you weren't so commitment phobic you guys might have become an item. Maybe you need to take an honest look inside yourself because maybe the problem is your own neurosis. Why else are you still single?

No brotha, the shoe doesn't fit on either foot and it will do no good to get a shoe horn and try to make it fit.

But it goes deeper than that. She doesnt want me to touch her at all. Not hold hands. Not hug. Not show any affection. So wouldnt my thoughts be, once she didnt respond to the text, this is the last straw. I think she emphasized that point because others have keyed in on it and told her about herself.

 

[cursed heart]

But it goes deeper than that. She doesnt want me to touch her at all. Not hold hands. Not hug. Not show any affection. So wouldnt my thoughts be, once she didnt respond to the text, this is the last straw. I think she emphasized that point because others have keyed in on it and told her about herself.

I would have to agree with you there!

 

[Kemetstry]

I would have to agree with you there!

And not to doubt how she has presented it, but we only have her word to go by. I'm just saying. Though I may not have went totally off. I would have asked her, why sis I even bother if she didnt want to do anything? Moreover, the no touching thing sounds like a phobia of some kind to me