Black Relationships : Did I Run Him Away?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Sangofa, Oct 17, 2007.

  1. Sangofa

    Sangofa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I just met this guy back in June at a church convention when I was out of town. We went out twice and exhchanged phone numbers while out there and contacted each other almost everyday. There were times where he would text me and if I didn't respond fast enough he would get mad. When we first met we were attracted to each other. On the last day of the convention he wanted to see me so bad. I was so busy that it was impossible. I told him that since we couldn't see each other again then we should keep in touch. I made several attempts of planting the seed of a friendship. I would call him every now and then or text him. Sometimes he would answer his phone and respond to my text and somtimes he didn't. Sometimes when we talked he was sweet and the next time he appeared rude.

    After the convention he informed me that he is a affectionate person and that he really likes to cuddle. I didn't know him that well so I couldn't show him any affection. He felt that I was acting distant with him. I wasn't trying to act distant but I wanted to get to know him better.I like to take things slowly especially when I meet someone new.He wanted to ask for a kiss but didn't. I have my boundaries and refuse to kiss someone I don't know. I don't liked to be touched unless I give the person permission.

    This past weekend I contacted him. I asked him about his opinion when it comes to dating. I was taught that it's wrong but I feel you must date a person to see what they are about. The response that he gave me was"If you are not committed but you have feelings for someone and he leaves you hanging for someone else then what does that make him. Nothing because you're not committed" this comment confused me. I'm not sure if he is giving me hints that he is no longer interested in me or if he's telling me that he is keeping is options open. I tried to call him so he can clarify what he was saying but he didn't take my call. I felt that he went around my original question.Last month I think that I made the mistake of hinting to him that I liked him. I set myself up and now he has control over the whole situation. I also told him that it hurts when he ignores me. When I asked him what he felt about me he did not respond. After all of this rejection I have decided to lay low and my guards are up. I deleted his number because his actions tell me what kind of person he is and that he's not the one.

    What did I do wrong? I hope that I'm not jumping all over the place I just have so much on my mind right now....
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Sangofa ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

    I think you did the exact right thing! It sounds like he wanted to see you on that last day of the convention, so he could get some sex in, before you both departed. (i take it you are in different cities?) So when all hope for that was lost, so too was his interest.

    You sound like a very wise young lady.

    Stay Forever Encouraged.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    co-sign...

    one love
    khasm
     
  4. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    ditto...

    YOU did NOTHING "wrong"

    In FACT..YOU did everything "right"

    AND....I agree with you.....BE~ing IGNORED......HURTS!

    Stay Safe and Strong in the Struggle for I/Unity

    :hearts2:
     
  5. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    nothing.......
     
  6. monet1027

    monet1027 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Guuurrrrrllllllll,




    You did what was right for you--therefore you did nothing wrong. He wanted to see you so bad on that last day so he could get foreign on you. Ladies, you know what I mean when a man gets foreign--he gets Roman (roaming) hands and Russian (rushing) fingers. Had you agreed to see him I'm sure he would have wanted to do more than just cuddle!
    If he was really interested in more than just sex, he would be trying to explore your mind and get to know your heart. You 2 would be having those 2-3 hour conversations where you find out what you have in common, likes, dislikes, etc. or you don't really have too much to say but stay on the phone just to feel "connected".
    Sounds to me like he already has an entree (girlfriend, fiance, wife) but was looking for a side and what better side than some out-of-town chick in town for a few days? He kept up the phone calls until he realized that you are not the side chick so he stopped returning your calls.
    Sis, I believe everything happens for a reason and the reason this didn't turn into something is because this Brother was about NOTHING!
     
  7. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Sista, I know sometimes knowing a guy is a playa doesn't immediately drive away the pain of not being loved when you were looking for it. Even as I began reading this thread that old song by the Supremes started playing "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me." Somehow we've been programmed to think that if we are good women we can make a man love us even if he started out to play us. This is as far from the truth as the bottom of the sea is from the sun.

    Rest in the knowledge that time will heal the pain and your tears will wash away the memory of this man and what you had hoped he could be. Right now New Birth is singing

    Let her cry cuase she's a lady
    Let her dream for she is a child
    Let the rain fall down upon her
    She's a free and gentle flower growing wild
     
  8. TymeFlyz247

    TymeFlyz247 Member MEMBER

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    I believe that we as women forget that the "Devil" goes to church too, looking to rob, kill and destroy. Not saying men are the "Devil" and are out to harm you at church, I've just learned that just because I love my father God and I seek him every time I go to church or at church convention, doesn't mean that everyone else does the same. Please, never think you've done anything wrong.How were you suppose to know? A lot of people go to church and or conventions with just gettin tail on their mind.Thank God for your boundaries.Celebrate them! So,clear your mind, and look to the hills from which your blessings come from.

    :angel1:
    Peace&Love
     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    *Scratching My Head on This One*


    Though I want to agree with everyone else on this, here is my problem:
    You said: "I don't liked to be touched unless I give the person permission.
    & I asked him about his opinion when it comes to dating. I was taught that it's wrong but I feel you must date a person to see what they are about. "

    When attempting to start a relationship, certain signals are given. If I am trying to be more than "just friends", I dont think a hug or touching with respect is out of line. I'm also not going to ask permission to indicate to you that I am fond of you by touching you. If only to let you know in an unspoken way, I AM FOND OF YOU!!!! I ASSume we are talking about touching other than copping a feel, btw. If you are that stand offish, I would think that you really arent interested in me. So could you possibly elaborate more on what your boundaries are? Maybe I'm reading things the wrong way?
     
  10. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Brotha Kem,

    Yes, people can misread each other. When the man became angry at her for not responding to his text message fast enough that right there indicates that a misunderstanding is not the case here.

    Put the shoe on the other foot. Let's say you were at a convention. Let's say you encountered a nice young (or not so young) lady. You exchanged numbers. She sends you a text message. You take note of it and plan to respond after you come from a seminar that you've been wanting to go to. After all you paid your 300 dollars to attend the seminars, did you not? But when you call the young lady she is angry because you made her wait four hours without returning he message, you heartless, man you. How could you? How dare you? Don't you know that she really digs you and wants to get to know you as soon as possible?

    Would you then spend the next six weeks wondering if you had done something wrong? Maybe you should have given her another chance. Maybe if you weren't so commitment phobic you guys might have become an item. Maybe you need to take an honest look inside yourself because maybe the problem is your own neurosis. Why else are you still single?

    No brotha, the shoe doesn't fit on either foot and it will do no good to get a shoe horn and try to make it fit.
     
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