Black Relationships : did I do the right thing?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by naturalsista, Jun 13, 2001.

  1. naturalsista

    naturalsista New Member MEMBER

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    As my first post as a member, I feel like I have to ask my black community their opinion about something I exprienced. Please do not hold back any of your thoughts to make me feel better or anything like that, I'd really appretiate RAW honesty.

    Well It was my second semester at Penn State University, and out of sheer boredom, I started talking to some guy over the internet, that went to a technical school in florida, but he lived at home. He seemed like a really nice guy, and that he and I shared common interests. I also thought it was great as well that we were different too. So we chit-chatted about almost anything for a good 3 months. I started getting deep feelings for him and we decided that he would pay me a visit. My parents didn't know anything about his visiting, I know I had to tell them at some point, and that they were going to be pissed as well. Anyways, so he visited, and we hung out with my friends for a great majority of the day... went to the mall and watched a movie.

    That night was the most romantic of my life, Im 19 years old, and it was the first time I had ever kissed a guy. We never had sex. He was very concerned about taking things too far, and I really appretiated him for that We talked about getting to know eacother much better than that before taking that step.

    I told my parents the following day of his visit. We continued to keep in touch, and when I was out of school and at home, we wrote one another and talked on the phone.

    Naturally, My parents didn't appretiate our communication... Im in love with some guy in florida talking to him every chance I get. me charging my credit card for calling cards, and expending the minuites on my cell phone.
    My parents came to a breaking point where they just said to me, "you have two choices, you keep him, or you get out of this house. You would then be completely on your own" As much as I felt these deep feelings of love for him, I knew that turning my back on my family would be a stupid choice. I was supposedly not allowed to even tell him what had happened but my conscience stood in the way. I had done that once before and i had nightmares about it...

    So I told him what happened, and all of a sudden he tells him that I must be really happy not being able to be with him, that for the time he and I had been a couple, the feelings that I told him I had never exsisted to him. That hurt a lot, him saying this. But I still told him that when I am on my own, and I completely taking care of myself, we could see eacother again. I told him there is no way, I have already betrayed my parents trust by telling him, and I asked him, "what am I supposed to do? sneak around my family"? and he told me"we have to do what we have to do to be together."

    After he had said all these things to me, I sat down and thought a long while. Would a person that supposedly loves me ask me to turn my back on my family? Forget my futures and goals? I would have never asked that of him because I know that I love him. Would he have ever doubted my feelings for him?
    Was this all some sort of game to him?
    I was in complete confusion until I determined, that NO, he doesn't really love me at all. The person that I was in love with was in fact, a mirage.

    And I broke up with him....
    a regret it a little, but I feel like it was a chapter in my life, I needed to close...

    Was I wrong by breaking up with him? I know there was something I should have done differently, but what is it?
    let me know...
    naturalsista:confused:
     
  2. nexis5

    nexis5 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    First time for everything.

    Ah. Good ole personal experiences. One to grow on.

    I thought it to be a hard choice to "keep him or get out of the house". Your parents are keeping your future in mind thats all. The guy is in FLORIDA. Hello! You are starting your education and all the necessaries to ensure your existence beyond college.

    If dude cant be friends after what your parents decided. He is not looking after YOUR best interest. No matter how lubby dubby and new the experience of FIRST TIME SMOOCH is.

    SMOOCH on the guys at PENN STATE but study your book as well.

    :toast:
     
  3. naturalsista

    naturalsista New Member MEMBER

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    No, I don't belive that you were being harsh at all. I asked you for your raw opinions and thoughts right? You had many true statemets, esp. the part that I have lived a very sheltered life. I don't think I need anything sugar-coated right now, so thanx very much to everyone who has replied. Your responses were very helpful.

    Much luv.
    naturalsista:D
     
  4. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sista, You made the correct choice

    Sista, This is like dejavu'

    My opinion is, You've made the correct decision. I was a year younger than you. I married him. My first love. I had no idea what I was getting into and my parent tried to inform me, but I was inlove and he was my first contact(serious)with a man. It lasted 18yrs and we were happy until I started to get out more(school/working) and seeing what I missed/missing out on. All my parents asked of me was to finish school. While he was in school getting his education I was home being a housewife and mother. I'm doing great now, but its so very easy to get off course. I had my life maped out at a very young age and one bump can redirect you. If you were shelter as I was? Take it slow. Don't let anyone rush you into anything. Also keep in mind that you know your parents love you and want what's best for you. Everyone else you have to wonder.

    I agree with Sherykah wholeheartedly
    You have my best wishes. Coco
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    hummmm!!!!

    first kiss
    in love with a myth
    i see it as if he might have liked u
    yet at any cost he really didn't love u
    never never would he step in the way
    of your future nor school just to be bonded
    and who say it would last
    ya family only wants whats best for u
    so trust me fine ya self a male friend closer
    to u and take it from there........u did the right
    thing u also answered ya self
    always becareful and go in wit ya eyes wide open
    good luck to u...:heart: :kiss:
     
  6. misty

    misty Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You did the right thing -
    You got your whole life to deal with men
    concentrate on your goals and the people
    helping you reach them.



    somebody's momma

    MisTy
     
  7. Abisha

    Abisha Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't know how old he was

    At any rate he acted immaturaly and did not understand UR situation our of imaturity or he was just plain selfish, but Yes U made the correct decision to say no. I am sure UR parents R proud of U 4 UR honest decision in the end. When U have UR parents blessings U know U will be blessed.
     
  8. BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE

    BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Nefertum Husia Shayheh MEMBER

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    When l look back my ears started kick drumming tap tap tap snare hitting as I played the key chords sustaining memories violins stretching the times in slow motion watching her emotions play out fiery cold sweetened bitter soured foul uplifted now i must admit i played the part i could and all that i could from soul point to soul point within the soul plane driving this vehicle called the almighty body weighing in at hundred sixty pounds gravity pulled us up and down drowning in our loves pains inflicted missing communications devastating blows of uncertainty the neverending words repeated from historical and herstorical accounts of events stored as poetical pages torn from books hardened backs named you remember me phat from lightskin to dark chocolate to skinny goodie to older sexiness younger to shorty too bad to poise and intelligent to shy and freaky to super religious raped to battered and damaged to abandoned with more kids than her money could handle to best friends in the wind always waving but hugging tightest before departing in the end as the last sound from the sustained chord play out definitely while in thought i did the right thing by being me without wisdom or with knowledge then again vice versa but they no longer exist physically stored as an illusion from the past living reality is now forward on tower higher feeling emotionally wired-in as electric fire burning to hurt hands frostbitten if anyone else grab me wrong near my bruises where the tears wept-in and the clothes so dingy of the times love crept in those deep trenches elbow over forearms meeting of the wrists continuously hands of fists shown as bones bulging veins streaming creeks of empathy between knuckles hitting brick walls sometime feeling no pain and neither no gain crushing mirrors asking for answer shattering my reflection in pieces of reign completely puzzled trapped inside relationships shocked in sorrow as they came to me with problems making me the solver and why black females got so much drama existing with issues out of control like myself on the real i do not know except i know myself now to move on far from blaming society anymore or my parents or those books or my dreams or the next man and woman flaws...i blame myself harshest taking it as that boxer boxing his shadow watching shadow box back without him moving totally impossible hallucinations all awful plus treacherous deepening dangerous most riveting when thinking about those beautiful souls stuck imprisoned as goddesses yelling constantly "help me out please...i promise to love" from all in they eyes they will drive you crazy if you let it when i look back as i played the key chords sustaining memories as my fingers stay pressed down on the ebony and ivory but no sound is present looking down feeling lost my heartbeat still pumping though time is lost and wisdom talked without lips moving lungs still inhaling and exhaling the smell stopping our memoir and reel's soundtrack suspended in the effect deep waters lowered my eyelids bowing my head chin tucked-in my chest like dayum....

    (Diary of a Black Man: Just An Illusion) Copyright 2014
     
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