Black Relationships : Destroying our love within us..

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by LovNThySoul, Nov 7, 2005.

  1. LovNThySoul

    LovNThySoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is about something very personal to me. I don't care how it comes off. Don't care how you perceive it. It's perception is reality. To make a long story short is this, how can you expect a man to be a honest, extremely loving good man, be open to you? How can he be loving when any action of being loving (in a relationship or getting to know that person) is seen as needy or an instant turn off to you? I see many people that lie to men as a whole stating that the want 1 thing and when given, is rejected.

    I know that now, i keep my distance as i have been taken advantage of many times over. Now some could say i was being naive. How can anyone be naive when it comes to loving each other. That's a cop-out for being evil.

    I swear that in this society, if you are a loving brotha that has a good heart. You are considered soft and not worthy. I guess i need to keep my mind, heart and soul prepared for being by myself cause this is the way it's been heading all my life.

    I am venting so thanks for bearing with me.
     
  2. HoneyBrown05

    HoneyBrown05 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't believe that as women we should be searching for the right man he should be searching for us! There is someone for you sista you just take those experiences that you have from your past relationships and learn from the good and the bad. God is preparing you for the right man obliviously those other ones weren't meant for you. Ask Him the Lord and trust that he'll send your "Mr. Right" into your path.
     
  3. LovNThySoul

    LovNThySoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    OMG LMAO

    Ok....i must say this honey....


    I'm a brotha.

    See...just from my words...i guess you assumed i was a woman because of what i was seeking.

    You kinda proved my point.

    And to think that it's a "man's job" to find you. Is very one sided just to protect ego to avoid rejection. Answer this for me, since's it's a "man's job" to find you or some other sista. What is a woman's job when it comes to all of this?

    I say this because part of my gripe is this. Women can change, or grow out of the sterotypical persona society put them in. Can men do this to? Respond carefully cause when we do, we are personified as lesser men or not as manly as any other men by other women. This is how we are judged and we are judged constantly by our sistas.
     
  4. LovNThySoul

    LovNThySoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I see something else as well. Like the thread "WHY ARE SISTERS SO BAD AT CHOOSING MEN?", Honey stated as many other sistas do as well that they want the men to approach them. I know many don't approach us at all.

    If that's the case, then you are limited to what only comes your way. Players will come your way ....alot. Hmmmmm.... food for thought.
     
  5. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know women who have this view and they are in their 30's and older and are still single.
     
  6. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think the establishment has destroyed the natural relationship between males and females in this society by not teaching boys and girls what their proper roles are and what's expected of them.

    So now you have men who don't know how to act as men nor understand what is expected of us.

    And you have women who don't know how to act as women nor do they understand what is expected of them.

    Some people are fortunate enough to feel their way around and get enough opportunities dealing with the opposite sex that they find the right things to say and do.

    But many, like me, never can seem to get on the right footing with the opposite sex and relations seem ackward sometimes.


    I think we need to go back to a rites of passage system to established a little order and normalcy for those of us who "just don't get it".

    Everybody can't be a player and Mr. Smooth just to get a little love and respect. Hell, that should come naturally anyway.
     
  7. LovNThySoul

    LovNThySoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    to add....


    I think as well that this applies to even the guys that are smooth and whatnot.

    You can be a smooth romantic type *grins* yet still have issue with the perception. I think this about how men are percieved.

    Just like kente417mojo said that he knows of women in their 30s that are still single due to that mindset. I know of that age group and older. I'm in my 30's as well and and i see this all the time.

    I would like some women to address this as i see both sides have issues. We all do as we are human. But ....this one is destroying us as a whole.



    Back to something i thought about on perception. I know that how we are perceived should not matter but it does. How our potential mate perceives us, how God perceives us, how our family and friends perceive us. It does matter to us thus our actions are for many of us goverened by this.
     
  8. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Lol...wouldn't we all?

    I suppose I could tell you that men and women think totally different from eachother for the most part, so even if 50 women gave you a response you'd be no closer to figuring out the problem....lol....but I'll let you find that one out on your own.


    Right now I'll just warn you that women tend to gravitate towards subjects and even men who they find exciting and stimulating.

    Party, fun, excitement, titilation!

    For some reason boring men or men who complain tend to turn them off and even scare them in many cases so they shy away from such men even though most are quite harmless.

    This is where some of the problem lays also.

    Because of the media....the demand for men to be creative, successful, exciting, witty, and stimulating is increasing more and more.

    But the educational system, rampant drug use, and intellectual/moral decline among many of our youth is making these demands from our women almost impossible to be met by most men.

    So only a lucky/blessed few are seen as desirable.
     
  9. LovNThySoul

    LovNThySoul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh i already know about the topics that are responded to or not responded too. Only showing that shred of hope again. Shame on me right?

    I know about the media and see it's effects as well on us. I also think we prepetuate further as well. Have to drive this, or be that. Act this way and not that way.

    Talk about visual prejudgements......

    Lady at this carwash asked me the other day of my profession, if the car i drove was actually mine (she didn't believe me because i look younder than i am), if i had kids. Yeah i know she was "qualifying" me and then had a surprised look on her face after she asked and i told her i wasn't married. Did i have any interst? No....cause she was too busy trying to "qualify" me with the things she saw i had and my potential to take care of her (say "provide" lol).

    When i was done i dipped without even her getting a chance to ask my name. I never even asked hers. I might not have almost peeled out if she stepped to me with some sense in her convo. I hear that stuff and i know what's up.
     
  10. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    lol...Not only women ...men do it too...trying to size you up because of the car you drive
     
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