Poetry Critiques : Destined

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by jus_dat_nice, Sep 26, 2008.

  1. jus_dat_nice

    jus_dat_nice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As the world holds its breath,
    Struggling to cheat death
    A child is concieved
    And everyone pretents to beileve
    She is destined to acheive
    And soar to new heights
    Hopefully she'll be unlike
    Her wayward father destined for jail
    And a hopeless mother destined not to make bail
    **** this child is destined to fail
    Will history repeat itself or defeat itself?
    Or will she have to beat it herself?

    As the world continues to turn
    A child continues to learn
    The chances of her survival are slim
    She's destined not to win
    The lights fade to black and the world goes dim
    She turns and discovers she's the only one left
    So she holds her breath and tries to cheat death
    She wonders to herslef what to do next
    She's alone in the world without a dime left
    So she does the thing everyone expects
    A child gets her emotions in check
    And losed her self-respect

    As the world continues to move
    A child is determined not to lose
    A child that made herself a vow
    That she would not give in, no matter now
    Bleak thins are looking now
    And so she continues to dance
    Knowing it's her only chance
    And although she reached her goal
    She lost her soul
    And her heart's an empty hole
    And the world held its breath
    Shocked that she hasn't stopped breathing yet
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    This was very well written and throughout created .
    kinda sound like da man's struggle upon da poverty in life
    i think if one's will is strong and hold faith then one will rise and beat the odds

    great write.
     
  3. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I felt the upward climb, and the will to survive in your words. Although the hand we're dealt may not be favorable, we can still reach astounding heights. Well done.
     
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