Black Relationships : Desperately need advice

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Christiana, Feb 25, 2010.

  1. Christiana

    Christiana Member MEMBER

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    Hey everyone,
    my name is Christiana. I'm 21 years old and am attending college to study social work. I stay in an on campus apartment at the university. As part of my major requirements I have to do internships. At the internship I'm working at right now there are always inmates from the local jail who work there doing custodial jobs on some sort of work release is what I'm guessing. I became friends with one of the inmates there. We would talk and chat on our lunch breaks and in the mornings before we started work. He seemed like a nice guy-very well mannered and level headed. I assumed that he went to jail for something like vandalism, drugs, or something of that nature. I never would have thought that he had hurt another person directly.
    We exchanged numbers and he said that he would get in touch with me after he got out and maybe we could hang out or something. He got in touch with me the day that he was released. A couple of days later we had a long conversation. I found out alot about him and i found out why he got put in jail. According to him he had sex with a girl who said she was 17. He had just turned 18. Come to find out she was actually 15 and was lieng about her age the whole time. So he was arrested and convicted of raping a 15 year old girl-it was consensual.
    He seems like he's repented of his mistakes and is trying to move on and do better with his life. he wants to hang out with me on Friday. We were just planning on hanging out at my college-playing video games, playing ping pong, things like that. Part of me says that I should give him a chance-maybe he really didn't know that she was 15. But is that an excuse? He's been asking me questions about sexual things that i don't feel comfortable talking about and is flirtatioush with me. I told him to stop and he did.
    If it were you would you hang out with him, get to know him more over the phone before meeting in person, or break all contact with him? By the way i"m not planning on dating him at all. But is it dangerous to be his friend? What are your opinions?
    Christiana
     
  2. Ms Drea

    Ms Drea STAFF STAFF

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    Hi Christina,
    My advise to you is continue to have phone conversations with him and then you would learn more about him by listening to his tone, aspirations intentions,etc. I feel it it too early for you & him to hang out with you on campus. Many times young sisters become prey to young men by just simply being nice, because they began a relationship with them before they truly know them. I just want you to be safe & stay safe. Please to not leap before looking.

    Love & Blessings,
    DREA
     
  3. Learning

    Learning Member MEMBER

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    With so many men out there, why are you dealing with a boy?
     
  4. Christiana

    Christiana Member MEMBER

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    lol. He is kind of childish alot of times even though he's 19. I'm not planning on getting into a romantic relationship with him-just be his friend.
     
  5. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I would be cautious of who you are friends with. People who are child molesters, sex offenders most of the time know the people they victimize. They can be charming that is how they when your friendship and trust. It's okay to be nice but this is your internship those things can jeopardize a lot for you. And how do you know it was consensual? Because he told you?

    I'm taking Human Services also and working with youth in the juvenile system. Some of them are sex offenders too...

     
  6. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    "he's repented for his mistakes"

    If his advances make you uncomfortable, and him stopping when u asked seems contrived I would say go with ur feelings

    u gotta keep in mind that if he just got otta jail he gonna make advances

    you say your not planning on dating him, but since you say that, it would lead me to beleive ur very interested in this man

    u could very easily look into the details of his arrest, find out about his momma and sisters and see how he treats them

    u like him, he's perceived as a rapist

    if ur gonna give him a chance, give him a chance

    not every man that is in jail is guilty, and not every man in jail is innocent

    don't front tho, u like him, or u wouldn't need our advice
     
  7. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    no pun intended

    but ur lyin to urself

    u have every intention of being involved with this man

    look at urself ur blushing
     
  8. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Are you actually considering inviting him to your place?

    Don't do this. This could become an issue if he does not take rejection well and wants more.

    Christiana
    Sounds like some good advice given here. I hope your not loosing focus of your education. This young man can become distractive.

    A guy that continues to pursue a female ( forcing the sexual act to completion ) until the sexual act is completed to his satisfaction is a rapist.

    This young girl he got involved with was experimenting and even if he knew or suspected her age was an issue. He would not have turned down the action.

    A young man that is not a good listener, hears only his sex drive ( thinks mostly with his lower head and is selfish ) and in many cases will be aggressive physically when they are rejected or denied. i.e.. rape or assault.

    Keep the job relationships ( intern friendships and college ) separate. The intern work your doing is it social work... job related? If this young man turns out to be immature and aggressive he could cost you your focus.

    Companies today want free labor and jailed individuals will do. If you talk to him ask him about his goals. If he finished high school, does he plan on enrolling in college.

    It’s Ok to be his friend...if he asks you for alcohol.. say no. he is under age and you could get yourself in trouble. This young man needs no education about sex. He knows all he needs. Sift thru the advice given here so far.. it is solid.

    I have a seventeen year old daughter. She will be starting college this fall. I told her not to allow young men to make her loose her focus and the reason she is spending hard eaned money to educate herself. Get in... focus and get out. It isn't cheap.

    Too many find the social life and become distracted. Have a social life but keep the eye on the prize.
     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :10500:



    Though I am all for giving a brother a break, cant you find a guy at the university to hang with?

    You essentially mixed work with pleasure. Which is a no no to begin with. I'm sure if you consulted with your advisor, they will tell you the same
















    :em0200:


     
  10. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    so this brother don't even deserve a chance

    he don't deserve 40 acres and a mule, and propas cause he got melanin

    SO JUST FROM THIS TID BIT OF INFO THE BROTHER IS GUILTY

    THAT'S THE BUSINESS OF JUSTICE FOR YA! LOL
     
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