Black Relationships : Deleted problem solved

Well, my husband works nighshift as well... it is very demanding on the body. He needs more sleep than the average person to feel 'awake' enough to do things. So on that matter I sympathasize with your bf's situation.

However, even with this, your boyfriend should still want to make some sort of a compromise with you, especially if you are paying all the bills! Also, I am concerned that you say on his days off he leaves 6 to 8 hours at a time. That's a long time for you to not know what he's doing.
 
lylakoimoon said:
This is the first time I'm posting on this forum and I would like to say a biiiiiiiig hello to everyone. I have a problem that my boyfriend and I cannot seem to get past. I'm really not sure if this goes in this forum though. We have two young children (19 months and 6 months) and that is the problem. From the moment I became a mother I understood that the world no longer revolved around me. I understood that now that I have children there are just certain things that I am not going to have to myself anymore and that my hobbies have to be squeezed in with everything else I have to do. If they can be squeezed at all! My boyfriend, IMO still lives his life like he has no children. He works graveyard with 4 days on and 3 days off and he sleeps all day. Now I don't really have a problem with his sleeping because I've worked gy and I know how it is. When my son was born he helped out a little. He changed diapers.....sometimes, and washed bottles.......sometimes. Now I worked right up to the day that I had my son (it was my off day) and I didn't go back for another 6 months. My boyfriend used my not working as an excuse to do what he wants. Since he sleeps all day he is up all night and during the night when my son would want his bottle I would have to get up and get it. Even though he was in the next room on the computer and could hear him crying, I would have to get up. I brought this to his attention several times but he just kind of blew me off. He never really remedied the problem and I didn't push it hoping it would get better. I went back to work and because of his schedule he was only able to help out 3 days out of the week but usually not, since my off days sometimes fell on one if not two of those three days. If it happened to be a day that he kept him, I could not get in the door good before he was telling me to take our son because he needed 'me time'. I still didn't say anything although I have never gotten an 'off day' since our child was born. Well when my son was 14 months old I gave birth to another child (again I worked right up to the day and again my off day!) and my boyfriend got a motorcycle. I should explain that before he got his bike and before my daughter was born whenever my son and I would go to his house we couldn't hit him over the head with a stick to get him up. He would get mad and rant and if by some miracle he did get up he would come out and talk to us for about 15 minutes and then he would close himself up in the room with the computer and look at porn. AHHHH!! Since he has gotten his bike I no longer have to go to his house to wake him up. On his off days and even on days he has to work he gets up much earlier then he would have before so that he can ride his bike. I've always questions (to myself) why he wasn't able to drag out of bed for us and I've even asked him but he says it’s not like that and he sees us a lot. Whatever. I am not working right now but I am looking for a job and I am going back to school in September (full-time). And right now I'm to the point where I want to pull my hair out. He will leave and be gone for 6, 7, 8 hours at a time on his off days and leave me with our children. I understand that he needs 'me time' but so do I. I have these kids all week and he gets really upset with me if I ask him to keep them. He says that it is like I don't want him to go anywhere. Which is not true. I want him to have his time alone, he needs it but not at my expense. I have a right to some free time also. He also says that he feels smothered and he says that I am pushing him away because of this. All I want him to do is keep them for more then 2 or 3 hours. I have things that I want to do also, I would like to curl up with a good book or soak in a bath. In his mind (and he has told me this) he believes that if I don’t want to get in the car and DRIVE somewhere for my time then its not really valid and he doesn't see what I'm complaining about. He will come to get my son (because he doesn't keep our 5 month old) and he will wait around my house until he falls asleep and then he will go home. This is usually about 8 or so and by this time since I've been up since 7, I'm exhausted. We will be moving in together in about 2 weeks but I don't think this will help, he does though. And another sore spot is that I pay for basically everything, whether I'm working or not. I paid the money for both prenatal visits (he only attended one of my son's ultrasounds to find out his sex) and bought the majority of clothing and the majority of the diapers and formula and baby stuff. He has pitched in only when I haven't the means to get it. He says that that’s why there are two of us. I say this is B.S. But he says he has bills to pay. I'm at my nerve endings here. I can't get any further down then I already am. I really want this relationship to get better but I don't know how to go about it. If anyone has any advice please help!
you need some counseling by a professional.
you probably need a new boyfriend or maybe no boyfriend at all.
BTW - you know about birth control don't you?
 

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