Poetry Critiques : Decipher my Dreams I

Prizefighter16

Well-Known Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Aug 14, 2004
832
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ok...I put this poem on Destee already, but this time, i broke it into three different poems, because it was madd long. So I at least did that. I'm letting it out to be critiqued..it was a flow...and some things in the poem, I have my own analogy, example...trees w/ jet black branches, etc. I'll be happy to explain if asked.

Decipher My Dreams

Can someone decipher my dreams for me?
What are these dreams supposed to mean?

I’m dreamin of blackwhiteblackwhite roses
Hoverin above me as my heart composes
A resting place for when my mind doses
To remember God’s grace in all my proses

I’m dreaming of ebony flavored summer days
Filled with ebony marching people with their hearts ablaze

Dreamin of a nice cool drink from the freedom fountain
After the treacherous climb up freedom mountain

I’m dreamin of cool hot warm sweet proclamations
Of love while bent on slow soft
Conversations
With every person I meet
And every word they say
Drippin into me
Fillin the questions inside of me
Like a beautiful unified symphony

Could you decipher this please?

I sit and dream here of jet black trees and checkered flowers
I can ponder their existence for hours and hours

I’m dreamin of a place where no laws had to be emancipated
Everything by the black man was appreciated

I’m dreamin of a Pan africanistic soulful dance
I watch the world together as they do the freedom prance
With a nightly romance
Taking peace by the hand
No color is ever glanced
No hate there by chance

I dream of a place were the existence of today is like a breath of fresh air
Has the fresh dip of cool cream coffee ice feeling here
Nobody judgin’ nobody anywhere
I whip myself through time until I'm barely there

Barely there to wake up and remember the crime
Barely there to know injustices done to my kind
The hate that springs like milk mixed with bigot limes
Makin limeade that took my people’s blood
Traded it for dimes*

Do you know what this means?
Can you decipher my dreams?


Part I
prizefighter16​
 
I think this is a good poem, but it seems to me to be a spoken word poem. I think spoken word poetry looses it's power when written. It is hard to capture the visual vocal imagery of this poem, in a word. You do a great job at it, but it will not compare to a slam version of it.

Good Poem Prize!
 
whas up prize?...nice to see you over here doing that thang...i felt this piece of a piece...let me give you what i thought you were talking bout...

to me...this is a take on the i have a dream speach by mlk...continuously you preach black and white togetherness throughout this piece of a piece...the rhymes flowed on point and the rhythm was excellent when spoken outloud...i really have no pointers for this piece of yours....but i was wondering about these couple of lines...hopefully you can give me some clarification on it....

The hate that springs like milk mixed with bigot limes
Makin limeade that took my people’s blood

thanks for sharing sis...and i hope to see you over here more often....

one love
khasm
 

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