- May 16, 2004
- 921
- 38
dear mom,
im not home for the holidays this year. but i am
in reflection. of the change and transitions.
moving back home after college felt like a huge disapointment
you never knew the woman i became to be
i fault you for keeping the mold
and never getting to know the real me
and so we argue
you yell
and i blame everyone else
seems like
we work better apart
when u can only give me updates
and never see my pain
or not see me
but
over the years
i have seen you stress
smile
and struggle
most of all for us
your children
never did i want that for me
the only daughter
last chance for change in our family
since my brothers led astray
moved away to a big city
despite your holding on to me
and every few months
i wrote my goals
graduate college
did that
only in the family w my b.a
dont get pregnant- have nieces and nephews to take a baby’s place
be better than I left
find me
find peace
freedom
explore
life
find balance
find stability
and in the back of my head
to be better than you
in the back of my head
to prove u wrong
to find my dreams
not yours
but most of all
be better than the struggles I seen
you go thru
and now
faced with adversity
life
the reoccurance of spirals
slants
car accidents
depression
confusion
panic attacks
when giving up
seems easier than going on
and you have no idea how my day is..
i think about you.
and how i always wanted to be better....
when now i aim to be
you
to make it through my struggles
to make it through
to be strong
determined
dedicated
hopeful
and
now is when i aim to be
you.
jus last week i told you i was going to get help
and updated you on my situation
your words
be the strong woman i raised
keep lingering
And thank God I have someone to keep me hoping.
merry christmas
im not home for the holidays this year. but i am
in reflection. of the change and transitions.
moving back home after college felt like a huge disapointment
you never knew the woman i became to be
i fault you for keeping the mold
and never getting to know the real me
and so we argue
you yell
and i blame everyone else
seems like
we work better apart
when u can only give me updates
and never see my pain
or not see me
but
over the years
i have seen you stress
smile
and struggle
most of all for us
your children
never did i want that for me
the only daughter
last chance for change in our family
since my brothers led astray
moved away to a big city
despite your holding on to me
and every few months
i wrote my goals
graduate college
did that
only in the family w my b.a
dont get pregnant- have nieces and nephews to take a baby’s place
be better than I left
find me
find peace
freedom
explore
life
find balance
find stability
and in the back of my head
to be better than you
in the back of my head
to prove u wrong
to find my dreams
not yours
but most of all
be better than the struggles I seen
you go thru
and now
faced with adversity
life
the reoccurance of spirals
slants
car accidents
depression
confusion
panic attacks
when giving up
seems easier than going on
and you have no idea how my day is..
i think about you.
and how i always wanted to be better....
when now i aim to be
you
to make it through my struggles
to make it through
to be strong
determined
dedicated
hopeful
and
now is when i aim to be
you.
jus last week i told you i was going to get help
and updated you on my situation
your words
be the strong woman i raised
keep lingering
And thank God I have someone to keep me hoping.
merry christmas