Daughters and Sons Raised differently

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by diakonos, Feb 25, 2004.

  1. diakonos

    diakonos Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Feb 13, 2004
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    +1 / -0
    Black women raise their daughters and love theirs sons. It’s an old adage that I’m sure many of you have heard. Over all, how do you feel about that saying? How much truth is there in that old adage?

    I have always understood that saying to mean that black women are not as quick to give tough love to their sons as they are to their daughters. Of course, you may or may not agree with this depending on how you define “tough love.” However, I’m basing my opinion on my own experience.

    Both my wife and me were raised in single parent households with siblings of the opposite sex. Upon discussing the differences in how our siblings and we were raised, we both agreed that females in each of our families were raised under a stricter code of discipline. In my wife’s opinion, her two brothers suffered for that in the long run. One is in and out of jail with several kids he is not taking care of. The other has had a time holding down a job, and indulges in drug use. My wife, on the other hand, has become what many people would call successful (upward mobile or whatever you choose to call it). She has attained both of her degrees, has a career and a family. She attributes that to the difference in how they were raised. Growing up my wife was expected to get good grades in school, while her brothers received ok (or bad) grades. She also feels that her brothers were given more of what they wanted (starter jackets, Air Jordans and the like) without having to work as hard for it. She on the other hands feels like, she had to work harder for what she was given.

    My case was somewhat different. I was an only child until the age of 17,then my mother had my sister. In a way, it is as if we were both only children. I have had the interesting experience of observing the difference in the way I was raised compared to how Mom is raising my sister now. Needless to say, it is quite different. My relationship with mom seemed more open. Up to a certain age, we talked quite freely about what was going on in my life. I didn’t as much from my mother as my sister does now. I was also given way more freedom than my sister is given. Anyone in my family would tell you that I was spoiled rotten. Truth be told, beatings that I received by my mother were few and far between (I probably received more whippings from my grandmother). Despite that fact however, I still feel that Mom did the best she could raising a man as a single women. I think I turned out ok. College graduate. Never been arrested. No kids out of marriage. Married to a beautiful woman and blessed with a my son who is a joy to my life. So in my judgment, the way she raised me was fine (not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but fine). I don’t believe that the differences in the way Mom raised me and my sister has caused me to suffer in the long run.

    So here is what I’m asking. Is the difference (if indeed there is one) in how our daughters and sons are being raised helping or hurting black men in the long run?
  2. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

    May 30, 2003
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    ~The hidden library...~
    +39 / -0
    Well...having come from a fairly large family...two girls...two boys
    I was the oldest...I do feel that there is a difference in the level
    of discipline implemented between males and females and I do feel
    that traditionally and instinctively parents feel the need to shelter
    the female (the perceived weaker sex) more than the males, of whom
    will need to be stronger...for various, (debatable) reasons

    So in short...I do agree that there is a difference...I don't know that
    it is always harmful for males. I think it depends on the personality
    of the child, some boys need more structure and discipline and it's up
    to that parent to discern such personalities or you will end up with
    grown men who lack responsibility and refuse to take ownership for
    their own actions because they were allowed so much freedom and
    had everything given to them without having to work for it.

    On the other hand...I also think there are differences in the way parents
    discipline based on birth order...Having been the oldest and female...
    I always felt I'd received the two edged sword...

    Interesting Question and yes I do agree that this type of parenting
    has the potential to have unforeseen consequences...but based solely
    upon the personality of that child.
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    United States
    Mar 21, 2001
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    BUSINESS owner
    +4,174 / -2
    I have to agree because myself and my sister was raised differently
    it was to me back then like she was more protected from many things
    then i was ...yes it's true female are raised differently from males ....
  4. DreamFunk

    DreamFunk Well-Known Member MEMBER

    May 27, 2003
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    Memphis10/ VA
    +6 / -0
    ....check out the 'The Willie Lynch Letter and the Making of a Slave':


    We have reversed the relationship.

    In her natural uncivilized state she would have a strong dependency on the uncivilized nig*** male, and she would have a limited protective dependency toward her independent male offspring and would raise female offspring to be dependent like her.

    Nature had provided for this type of balance. We reversed nature by burning and pulling one civilized nig*** apart and bull whipping the other to the point of death--all in her presence.

    By her being left alone, unprotected, with male image destroyed, the ordeal cased her to move from her psychological dependent state to a frozen independent state.

    In this frozen psychological state of independence she will raise her male and female offspring in reversed roles.

    For fear of the young male's life she will psychologically train him to be mentally weak and dependent but physically strong.

    Because she has become psychologically independent, she will train her female offspring to be psychological independent as well.

    What have you got? You've got the nig*** woman out front and the nig*** man behind and scared.

    This is perfect situation for sound sleep and economics.

    Before the breaking process, we had to be alert and on guard at all times.

    Now we can sleep soundly, for out of frozen fear, his woman stand guard for us.

    He cannot get past her early infant slave molding process.

    He is good tool, now ready to be tied to the horse at a tender age.

    By the time a nig*** boy reaches the age of sixteen, he is soundly broken in and ready for a long life of sound and efficient work and the reproduction of a unit of good labor force.

    Continually, through the breaking of uncivilized savage nig***s, by throwing the nig*** female savage into a frozen psychological state of independency, by killing the protective male image, and by creating a submissive dependent mind of the nig*** male slave, we have created an orbiting cycle that turns on its own axis forever, unless a phenomenon occurs and reshifts the positions of the male and female savages.

    We show what we mean by example. We breed two nig***males with two nig*** females. Then we take the nig*** males away from them and keep them moving and working.

    Say the nig*** female bear a nig*** female and the other bears a nig*** male. Both nig*** females, being without influence of the nig*** male image, frozen with an independent psychology, will raise him to be mentally dependent and weak, but physically strong... in other words, body over mind.

    We will mate and breed them and continue the cycle.

    That is good, sound, and long range comprehensive planning.

  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Aug 24, 2002
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    The Diaspora
    +194 / -0
    This is something to think about. DreamFunk, how do you think we can counter this? Especially in today's society which is heavily influenced by feminism/womanism.
  6. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jul 9, 2003
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    new jersey
    +1,063 / -1
    Dreamfunk thanks for posting the Willie Lynch Edict. THis is process is working very well today, for the most part. What can be done about it? A close and honest look at the way our ancestors lived before we were "broke" my the white man? That's a good start I should think.
  7. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

    May 18, 2004
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    +9 / -0

    Thanks for posting this. The letter is still working. Parents raise their daughters and beat their sons into submission. I have even heard a black man say that punishment is more important than education. I hear black parents talk all day about whipping kids, especially boys, but few will teach the kids. They see beating and teaching as one in the same.....that is pure foolishness IMO.

    If as much time was spent teaching boys to be a man the way girls are taught to deal with men, then boys would be as successful as girls...unfortunately, blacks wanna see parenting as a war to be won agianst boys using the magic wands--belt, switch, cord, paddle. Of course, they tell thier boys "I love you" every ten seconds so maybe that is where they get that phrase from about loving sons and raising daughters.

    Anyways good post. Maybe one day we can post the whole willie lynch letter and comb thru it to find any and all behaviours popular in our community today and talk about them.