Pan Africanism : Dating across the African Diaspora

Discussion in 'Black History - Culture - Panafricanism' started by panafrica, Feb 5, 2003.

  1. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Destee briefly touched on this subject in her "Are Latinos Africans?" thread, but I would like to outright ask how people would feel about dating black people from different countries? It is no secret that African American men & women have had some difficulties in recent years in terms of what we expect from one another, and dating prospects within the African American community. Indeed there have been numerous radioshows and magazine articles in Essence, Sister-to-Sister, Ebony, Black Male, etc, on this subject. Typical in these debates will be statistics showing the number of African American men in prisons, the number of homosexuals in the African American community; single mothers raising children without the support of any male figure; the ratio of educated black women compared to that of educated black men; and arguments about the so-called shortage of black males.

    In almost all of these debates, choosing to date different cultures is a proposed solution to the perceived shortage of desirable dating prospects in the African American community. By different cultures, the authors and participants of these debates are refering to different races: Meaning Whites, Hispanics, and Asians. However, it is not necessary to go outside of the race to explore different cultures and attitudes towards dating, family, and male-female relations.

    Black people are literally all over the world. Occupying over 40 different countries in Africa alone, as well as countries in Europe, the Caribbean, South America, Canada, and Asia. Each country has its own unique culture, beliefs, and value system. Therefore the attitudes and social structure that many African Americans believe to be representative of black people in general, are in reality unique to African Americans, not blacks across the Diaspora. One example to illustrate this is the high number of single mother families among African Americans is unique to blacks in this country. Africans generally don't have this problem, as African men strongly believe in taking care of their kids (in some parts of Nigeria if a man leaves his wife, he takes the kids with him).

    It is easier to relate with someone of our own race rather than someone of a different race (no matter where they come from). It will be beneficial to the black community to look towards our sistas & brothas in the Diaspora before we seek to date outside the race.

    Peace-PanAfrica
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i agree coz their is many places that has their own beliefs
    yet so many cross over to different cultures seeking love
    and seeing how others live and relationships work
    some fine it best for them and some can't handle the way
    it works
    we need to build on our own coz we understand the struggle
     
  3. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i may b about 2 find out how i feel about it.

    about 18 months ago, i purchased the names & addresses of 5 ghanian women that were seeking companionship or potential partners from other countries. i sent an introductory letter to all 5. 3 of them wrote me back. the correspondance continued along nicely for about 8 months. then, 1 of the women simply stopped writing. of the remaining two, it became clear that 1 of them had something entirely different n mind from myself, so, i wished her well but terminated the correspondence.

    i hope to meet the 1 & only ghanaian female i m still corresponding w later this yr when i travel to ghana. so, i m open to meeting, dateing, friendship or whatever is mutually desired, but i hope 2 b n a much better position 2 answer ur ? later on this yr.
     
  4. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I wouldn't be opposed to developing a friendship with Black men from other countries. In fact, I think that could be rather interesting. I find African men intriguing and the one's I've met personally, were extremely kind and very respectful. They had a quiet and gentle nature about them; no posturing or display of arrogance like many of my Black American brothers. I found that to be refreshing. The one problem I would have though is if their culture permits abuse of women or oppresses women. I don't accept abusiveness from Black American men. Also, there are certain "freedoms" that I have now that would be extremely difficult, almost painful for me to live without.
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It is a misperception that all African men believe in Polygamy, and that women in Africa have no rights. Customs vary greatly by different ethnic groups. My wife's ethnic group (the Bubi of Equatorial Guinea) for example do not believe in polygamy. In fact she would kick my butt if I tried to bring another woman home..........lol! I don't want to break down every ethnic group in Africa's maritial beliefs because it would take to long. However it is safe to say that a good number do not believe in Polygamy. And of the one's that do, most no longer practice it for economic reasons. Also women in Africa have more rights today than they ever have (as witnessed in the ever increasing number of African women in colleges and becoming professionals).

    Your concerns are still valid though NNQueen. I would advice any person (male or female) that is involved with an African to learn about their culture from the beginning. In order to see the beliefs and value system of their culture, and to compare that with your beliefs and value system. Actually this goes for anyone that is involved with someone from a different country.
     
  6. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Yes, I would date a Sister from another country. I totally believe in doing what's best for the relationship and the family...and hence, our people. Understanding her culture, beliefs, and value system is a must...and she must understand mine. And from there, we can choose to follow what we wish...live the way we so choose to live...as long as it's grounded in the will of GOD.

    I think it would be quite interesting as well to date someone from a different country as NNQueen as stated.

    However, at this time, my mind is thoroughly set on an African American Sister in America.
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    it's all good indeed like panafrica said learn them going in
    i would
     
  8. Corvo

    Corvo navigator of live MEMBER

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    I do think it's great to date, marry other people of African heritage.. It is an adventure to explore other perspectives. I marreid a woman from California of Arab/Eritrian heritage, But grow up in the states. it is a wonderfull expeirance I would not change for the world. I am a Afro-Rican by the way, of African/Taino ancestry.
     
  9. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Hi Corvo and welcome to the forum! :)
     
  10. monetg

    monetg Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't have a problem with "Africans" but many of the ones I've met seem to feel as if "African-Americans" are not "authetic" (since we weren't born on the continent), are under-educated and are lazy. I've debated with many who seem to exploit the disconnection that currently exists between the 2 groups. They (the ones I spoke to) feel as if we use slavery as a crutch to validate our lowly status in this country and as the direct descendants of nurse-maids, field-hands, cooks, we are beneath them. To them we aren't "pure" Africans--we circulate too much colonialized blood--we are just mongels who happen to share distant ancestors.
    They've bought into the stereotypes that are perpetuated about African-Americans in this country that we are all criminally-inclined, morally-lacking and spiritually-devoid.
    I have a cousin who lives in London--most of the African men over there are highly respected because they came "abroad" to be educated so their presence amongst White Britons is justified. Whereas African-Americans just exist on the perphiery of White America leeching off what we feel we're owed--unless you're an entertainer or athlete. When a white Briton looks at a African in London--he sees possibley a Doctor, a Professor, etc. When a white American looks at an African-American in New York he sees a possible drug-dealer, a mugger, etc.
    So we should be asking our African Brothas and Sistas would they date their American counterparts?.................
     
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