Poetry Critiques : daddy's little secret

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Deeplyrooted06, Feb 15, 2006.

  1. Deeplyrooted06

    Deeplyrooted06 Member MEMBER

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    she bundled her newborn baby boy up
    and left him in the cardboard basinet
    in hopes death would find him and show him a little love
    she hadn’t even wiped up the afterbirth and blood
    but she cut off her own umbilical cord and left it on the floor
    as she rushed him out the door
    before her parents got off of work
    sure she was a little hurt and the baby was screamin’
    plus her virgina was bleedin’ but she had to keep his little secret
    daddy loved her
    maybe a little too much
    cause he touched her and showed her unwelcome advances
    oh his hand felt at home on her inner thigh
    when mommy was workin’ overtime
    now she’s playin’ doctor in her bathroom with kitchen forceps and a knife
    cause she don’t want no body to realize—that she was spendin’ nights
    with her legs cocked up wishin’ mommy woulda paid for a sitter
    she wanted to confide in someone but he said if she did he’d kill her
    so she spent nine months carrying the guilt of their affair
    she wanted to get somethin’ for her morning sickness but she was so scared
    a paternity test would show that her dad was the daddy
    so she buried her pain, bloody sheets and ripped panties
    somewhere between her house and the route she took to her school bus
    about a block up from where her unnamed babies cryin’
    wrapped up in her body towel and slowly dying
    just like she is
    he spent his last days under baggy clothes just like she did
    cause she figured murder wasn’t somethin’ she couldn’t live with
    so she sent her body from the fire escape of the building head first
    cause her daddy told her one day in bed “sometimes love hurts”
     
  2. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    oh my god is all i can say. this felt so real, so real. im lost for words right now. this was deeply, deeply emotional. flo on poet.:heart:
     
  3. soblessed

    soblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This poem was deep. Real deep. I am speechless.
    I felt all sorts of emotion when I read this....
    Nice work poet.. Flo on....
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    done on the reality deep level and heavy
     
  5. trupoeticempres

    trupoeticempres Member MEMBER

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    The poem brought tears to my eyes because so much of that is still happening today. I teach 7th and 8th graders and you wouldn't believe some of the stories. Thanks for sharin that one
     
  6. Passionfruit005

    Passionfruit005 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    damm that was deep as hell, hurt my heart to read it, but yea
    messed up things like that happen. this was a nice one
    holla back passion
     
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