Poetry Critiques : Continuous Heartache

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by choclatefantasy, Aug 23, 2005.

  1. choclatefantasy

    choclatefantasy Member MEMBER

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    Fallin so hard for these boys
    With no trust in my heart
    Is slowly driving me crazy
    And tearing my life apart

    Holdin back sniffles and tears
    That I have suppressed for so long
    Is causing me so much stress
    That soon my mind will be gone

    I need to stop letting these boys
    Constantly beat up on my heart
    Consistently hurting my feelings
    As I cry silently each night in the dark

    Why can't someone for once
    Care about how I feel
    Make an effort to satisfy me
    Make me feel that their feelings are real

    Keep me feeling safe
    Grasping me tight in their arms
    Making me attracted to them
    Not b/c of their looks, but b/c of their charm

    But no I don't receive those things
    Never even received a necklace or a ring
    Nothing ever real or materialistic
    Just anything sexual is all I can achieve

    But this girl is gonna find that
    Oh please believe
    A beautiful man who sees my geniune personality
    Who wants me for me
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome to destee.com honest critique workshop
    welcome to the family of peace & respect
    welcome within as kin to share and apply love

    This flowed in expression of pain by the creed of male
    the concept depth express the need to define i like this
    flow poeticly and the nice structure of stanza great poem
    welcome and enjoy
     
  3. Poetrymama

    Poetrymama Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    re:Heartache

    You go! Love is out there somewhere for you. Don't ever settle. :karate:
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    tru dat have you really have a nice poetic hand of creating
     
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