Black Poetry : Conscious&SubConscious

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by jgyknowledge, Feb 15, 2006.

  1. jgyknowledge

    jgyknowledge Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is my first poem, be nice. But, tell me if you understand what I'm saying or just give me suggestions. Thanks.
    ***I don't know why I can't edit and put my indents in. The second line and every other line from there on is idented, sort of like a dual reality.

    Conscious&Sub-Conscious

    They say by genetics that I was meant to stand strong

    ***** I feel the pressure of the days as I try not to break

    It is said because of genetics that we can last the storm long

    ***** the day is gray and my body can feel the quakes

    So much is said through glowing red eyes of the angered

    ***** some reason my eyes just can't seem to stay focused

    Pain is the wine, which puts you and I in danger

    ***** my sight failed me yet again, fell for the hocus-pocus

    I accept(it) and take it all into my system, for I was born to stand strong

    ***** I swing and I swing, punching the air in futility

    For I refuse to bend the desires of those that have not know my kind long

    ***** can someone help me, can you give me some utilities

    Suffering is over for me, it is time that I give it all back

    ***** my soul has been consumed

    My people, my people step into my world with the rat-ta-tat-tat

    ***** the darkness speaks to me of my doom

    I kill

    ***** I cry
     
  2. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    wow this was deep poet flow on flow on.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    deep scribe for the first drop was heavy and felt !
     
  4. Tantrum

    Tantrum Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow brother deeply
    Emotional piece for real
    Man that was hot for real
    Much Love to you
     
  5. jgyknowledge

    jgyknowledge Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you.