Black Relationships : Confused

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by snook23, Jan 19, 2005.

  1. snook23

    snook23 New Member MEMBER

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    Hi Everyone,

    I have a question? I have been married or almost three years now. My husband was deployed to I raq for 14 months. H e has been back for for 6 months. One week before he was due home i had an affair with a woman. Now I cant stop thinking about this woman. I dont think that Iam in love with him. I dont know what to do. Should I let him go so he can find someone who can love him the was he should be loved ? I was in three year relationship with a woman before we were married. My moms told me that I could grow to love him but its not happening. What should I do ?
     
  2. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Honesty

    Being a veteran of the first gulf war and having my marriage break up shortly after my return I can understand your situation and his. It's sound like you should not have married him until you resolved your issue of homosexuality. Now that it has resurfaced not only do you face that but infidelity as well. I believe you already know the answer to your question. If you do not love him and are not unwilling to be intimate with your husband than have enough compassion to let go and find a mate suitable for him. Word of caution when you confess your feelings be prepared for some back lash and maybe resistence then anger. It is best that after you confess your feelings you be prepared to leave immediately. The longer you stay around the worst it will be. I don't know what type of marriage you have but if you are asking for advice then I suspect you suspect that this is something your husband will not be cool with. Go with your instincts and no matter what. If you are not comfortable in your marriage then leave immediately. As a christian I normally would not advise anyone to break up a marriage between husband and wife but your homosexuality is something you must deal with. Though I don't agree with you decision or your life choices I don't hate you or harbor ill feelings toward you. I am not your judge that is reserved for God.


    Peace & God Bless

    Radical Faith
     
  3. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    Peace Snook,

    Being that u started this affair just 1 week b4 your husbands return from defending this nation I would say that u already made your decision long b4 his return, or the other woman came n2 the picture. I take it that you're very young, but u do owe it to him to let him know & at the same time u will be confronting yourself & your homosexuality as well. Who knows?.....by telling the truth you may free yourself of the lust you seek that has blinded you & fall back in love with the man you're with, with your new vision!

    peace
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    there is an extensive thread on black female homosexuality in the other forum.
    maybe you should read that.

    sounds like you should not be married.
     
  5. sweetbrownsugar

    sweetbrownsugar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Bluntly? Own up to your homosexuality or Bi-sexuality. Talk to your husband if you can't do it One on One...Find a good Chaplain on Base to mediate between the two of you. Get a divorce while it's early. You know what a "snowball effect" is don't you? Also, Adultery is just as wrong when a woman commits it. Sounds as if you CARE about him. BUT I don't think you love him. You can't give a marriage like that a chance for the sake of your MOM or anyone else. Atleast, if you set him free he COULD find someone to love him the way he needs to be loved and you could do the same. Seek love or lust. Just remember? When it comes to the woman that you can't stop thinking of? Even in a marriage, there's no "I" in TEAM.
     
  6. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Snook23:

    I would also recommend that you look at the thread brother jamesfrmphilly suggested. The situation that the sister who started is in, almost exactly mirrors your own:

    http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=31273
     
  7. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Uhhhhhh yeah...that's exactly what you should do. I think any woman in this situation knows what she should do, but they are trying to find the best way to have the best of both worlds. Did your husband know about your past relationship with a woman, or did you hide it in order to make sure he married you? Also, your mom should be ashamed telling you to marry someone that you have to "grow" to love. Stop short-changing this guy. Let him live his life...the same way you've obviously decided to live yours.
     
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