Black Poetry : Confession to Antonia

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Amun-Ra, Mar 29, 2002.

  1. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2001
    Messages:
    1,868
    Likes Received:
    13
    Occupation:
    Sales Management
    Location:
    Dallas
    Ratings:
    +14
    Little Toni.
    How could I have done
    what I did with you?
    That you were willing,
    sweet juices readily conceded,
    that you were enamored of me,
    your eyes and heart clearly said,
    that I took advantage of you,
    has filled my thoughts filled with red
    embarrassment
    at being guided by such a cad
    while you smiled a new teenagers smile,
    I knew it wasn’t that bad,
    but I knew that it wasn’t that good,
    to gallop with one so tender in age,
    although reason said I had done all I could,
    my true feelings were not so easy to gauge.

    Young tender Toni,
    it makes no difference
    that I was not the first,
    because I should have known better,
    but by pretending to go along
    I may have been the worst
    that ever happened
    to such a young precious thing,
    letting you seduce me with your girlish song,
    I burn for pretending I was real,
    when I was just going along
    with what I wanted, even though you said it too,
    but I should have known better
    than to depend upon even me or you.
    Just turned 14, four years and a world of difference,
    bewteen we two, but maybe it is only hindsight
    that embarrasses me seeing the unrestrained self,
    so much so that I fogotto do what is right
    perhaps, I have forgotten
    how Spanish eyes and sun kissed skin
    can blur boundaries and make reason insignificant
    when a a young man begins to think like men.

    No, you were not a mistake then
    and you are not a mistake now,
    it is simply me salving my conscious
    hoping that I have caused you no harm,
    and that your memories are still as vivid as mine,
    when we shared lives in another place and another time.


    :heart:
     
  2. wildflower7

    wildflower7 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2001
    Messages:
    1,303
    Likes Received:
    4
    Occupation:
    motherhood
    Location:
    maryland
    Ratings:
    +4
    thank you so much for this RA.
    it is a welcome portrait for my
    basement room...
    -7:spinstar:
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    DA REALITY OF PORTRAIT HANG ON DA WALLS OF MANY!
    I FELT DIS ONE ......WORD UP! Ra...................................
     
  4. brotherman

    brotherman Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2002
    Messages:
    465
    Likes Received:
    1
    Occupation:
    IT Tech
    Location:
    Montgomery, AL
    Ratings:
    +1
    Salute to one -worth honor for honoring.
     
  5. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2001
    Messages:
    1,868
    Likes Received:
    13
    Occupation:
    Sales Management
    Location:
    Dallas
    Ratings:
    +14
    A Hard One to Take

    It seemed right then, but looking back, the girl was 13 years old--even if she had just turned 14, it was a robbing of the cradle that when I look back doesn't seem right--hell, I was almost 19--don't seem right, but I see her from time to time and her life seems to be fine--I just hope that my affect on her life, if any was small to none

    Ra

    :cool:
     
  6. Heartbeat

    Heartbeat Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2001
    Messages:
    1,440
    Likes Received:
    86
    Ratings:
    +86
    A brave piece Ra. It is not always easy looking back, feeling something, and bringing it forward. Well done as usual.

    BE
     
  7. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2001
    Messages:
    1,868
    Likes Received:
    13
    Occupation:
    Sales Management
    Location:
    Dallas
    Ratings:
    +14
    It always bothered me

    It always bothered me--in some ways it is an embrarassment thinking that I was led by my pants and that I had no more control than that--yes, she was pretty as she could be and she was willing as she could be--but that doesn't make it any better in my mind--so little experience of the world and I knew it!

    Ra

    :confused:
     
  8. wildflower7

    wildflower7 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2001
    Messages:
    1,303
    Likes Received:
    4
    Occupation:
    motherhood
    Location:
    maryland
    Ratings:
    +4
    RA- what if you were 29 and she was 20 and it happened. Would it have bothered you then?
     
  9. Rashad

    Rashad Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2001
    Messages:
    1,004
    Likes Received:
    8
    Ratings:
    +10
    Well...

    At least u confessed in a nice way poeticly.
    I don't know if you are totally wrong cause I don't know what I would have done...
    Loved the piece tho!!
    Much Love!!:)
     
  10. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2001
    Messages:
    1,868
    Likes Received:
    13
    Occupation:
    Sales Management
    Location:
    Dallas
    Ratings:
    +14
    It's all relative

    Perhaps if we were in our 20s it wouldn't have made a dent on me, but it was just the idea that at 13 she was just three or fours from playing with dolls and not liking boys--that probably wasn't the case, but it was the thought that stayed with me, I am making her alot more innocent than she was, but it always bothered because as I said --I was not the first! Did her first come at 13? 12? 11? Did I continue a pattern? I don't know and that is what bothered me. She gave willingly and I took it in the same spirit--not once but as often as possible--these thoughts only come to me now because my perspective is different and distant--Ra

    :)
     
Loading...